


Head Over Heels

by LostInAdmiration



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-09 07:04:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 46,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10406598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInAdmiration/pseuds/LostInAdmiration
Summary: "Isak wished for the hundredth time that his stupid friends could just be normal so that he could go home and bundle himself in his duvet and re-watch Breaking Bad again, instead of spending all of his spare time outside in a pathetic excuse for a skate park."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so, my head is full of all sorts of headcanons and AU’s, none of which I can make into anything coherent enough to turn into a fic. But this one has been in my head for a while so I wanted to give it a shot. It’s basically an AU in which Jonas is a pretty popular skateboarder with a decent social media following because of it, and Isak is his supportive (if not slightly disgruntled) photographer friend. Jonas is the best at Nissen, up until a new guy transfers (bet you can guess who that is) and becomes the new hot topic at school. Isak is totally smitten, even if he wont admit it, and Even turns down his time skating with his friends in favour of sitting and talking to Isak instead. I have most of this thought out, but not properly, so I’m not entirely sure how it’s going to go or how many chapters it’ll have. I’ll be following the original Skam storyline pretty loosely, but hopefully not so much that it’s entirely unrecognisable.  
> The biggest thank you to Shannon, who convinced me to try and make this into words that make sense, and not just weird ramblings about grumpy boys freezing to death watching their best friend skate all the time.  
> Hope you enjoy!

It was fucking cold.

The type of cold that made your fingertips burn and your breath fog in front of you and your eyes sting. And so, Isak asked himself for the fifth time that night, why the hell was he sat outside in below zero temperatures, when he could be inside, in his bed, in the _warm_?

The answer was Jonas, who was often the reason for many of Isak’s problems. Jonas was an avid skateboarder; he’d spend every waking moment on his board if he could, and since today he hadn’t had time in between classes to practice, he’d decided to make his way to the deserted skate park just as the sun was setting. As always, he’d dragged Isak along with him too.

Isak couldn’t say no to Jonas, and Jonas knew it; they had been best friends since they were toddlers, and they did everything together. They knew each other inside out, because they’d been through everything together. Isak told Jonas everything (well, maybe not _everything,_ but Isak was working on that, maybe), and Jonas in turn trusted Isak completely.

 

Which is why Isak had been convinced to sit in the freezing cold for over an hour whilst Jonas fucked about on his stupid skateboard, grumbling in frustration when he kept landing on his back after trying the same trick four times over, and whooping and yelling up to the sky when he finally got it. Isak had been tagging along with Jonas to the skatepark since they were twelve years old, and back then Isak then had tried to join in, but quickly gave that up after a sprained wrist when he flew down one of the ramps at high speed and thought it smart to try and use his hands to block his fall. Isak preferred to be a spectator anyway, and he actually found his own hobby in watching Jonas and their other friends boarding.

It started with Jonas asking Isak to film him when he tried out something new, and it turned out that Isak had quite the knack for it. Isak was good at framing it just right, with the sun spilling out from just behind Jonas’ figure, or keeping the camera rolling to catch Jonas’ stupid little victory dance he always did. Isak started to take photos too - he saved up and bought himself a decent camera for his fourteenth birthday, and practiced taking photos of whatever caught his eye. He took pictures of the sky, of his friends huddled together laughing, of his mother’s hands clasped around a mug, with white knuckles and bitten nails. He took pictures of his friends skating the most - that was what he was best at.   
So, there Isak was, sat in the cold, half heartedly snapping photos of Jonas, with the orange glow of the skyline sitting behind Jonas’ silhouette, and his hoodie billowing out behind him.  

 

“Can we go yet?” Isak called exasperatedly, smiling as he looked through his photos and realised he’d caught the exact moment Jonas had misjudged and ended up tumbling face first, with his board landing on his head as he hit the floor. He’d definitely be posting that online later - his revenge for being made to sit out in the cold for another night. Couldn’t Jonas have picked something to obsess over that they could do _inside?_

 

Jonas growled in frustration again, and Isak looked up just in time to see him crash to the floor for the umpeenth time that night.

 

“In a minute,” Jonas replied eventually. He’d told Isak _‘in a minute’_ at least twenty times now.   
“Let me jus- urgh. Let me just get this right and then we can go. I’ll buy you a coffee after if it’ll shut you up.”   
  
Isak fell quiet at that. He’d like to say like bribery didn’t work on him, but that would be a lie, plus, he could kill for a coffee right now - even if only just to warm his frostbitten fingers.   
  
Jonas stood at the edge and took a few deep breaths, balancing himself, and Isak knew his cue - he set his camera to record and held it up to Jonas. The sun had almost gone now, but the licks of red that were still peeking over the horizon made Jonas look like he was glowing a little; the red in perfect contrast to his dark hair and clothes.

 

Jonas messed up whatever it was he was trying to do three more times before he finally got it, and when he did, he ended up laid flat on his back in the middle of the bowl with his arms splayed out at his sides, laughter bubbling out, sending puffs of freezing air from his lips and into the night sky.   
Isak caught a shot of that too, before reminding Jonas that he owed him coffee, and if he didn’t get it within the next five minutes, he was going to turn into an ice cube.

 

*

 

They sat in silence in the coffee shop for a while, their shoulders hunched over their mugs as they breathed in the warmth of their drinks and tried to thaw out. There weren’t many people left in the shop, just a few regulars sat in their respective corners, reading books or frantically writing overdue essays.

 

“Bad news. I didn’t get that last shot, the one where you got it right,” Isak mumbled into his coffee.

 

Jonas’ jaw dropped and he slammed his cup down with enough force that his drink splashed out over the rim and onto the table.

 

“Oh my god, you have _got_ to be kidding me,” Jonas wailed, putting his head in his hands.

 

Isak snorted and rolled his eyes, taking a tentative sip of his own drink and wincing when it burnt his tongue.

 

“Of course I’m kidding, idiot. You’re so dramatic.”

 

Jonas took his hands off his face to reach forward and bat the side of Isak’s head. He was scowling, but Isak could see the hint of a smile as he let out a sigh of relief and relaxed back into his chair.

 

“Asshole. I thought I was going to have to drag us both back there to see if I could miraculously do it again.”

 

“You’d be going on your own. No way would I be going back there to freeze even more than I already have,” Isak grumbled, taking the cookie he’d bought and snapping it in half.

 

Jonas took the half of the cookie that Isak offered to him, grinning.

 

“I always need my camera-man with me. You’d come back with me and you know it.”

 

Isak rolled his eyes again, but he knew Jonas was right.

 

*

 

“Bro! I saw your video from last night. So you finally did it?”

 

Magnus and Mahdi, the other pair in the group that made up Isak’s small, but very loyal, group of friends, skated like Jonas did. Magnus has only been doing it for a year and was still a little wobbly, but Mahdi was almost as good as Jonas was, and they often competed over who could show-off the most; it almost always ended in some sort of injury.

 

Magnus and Mahdi greeted them with wide smiles and high fives that morning as they all walked into school together, chatting excitedly about Jonas’ latest video. Jonas had gotten into a routine of posting Isak’s videos and photos online, and both he and Isak had gained quite a following from it. Jonas was well known amongst the people who frequented the skate park, and even those that didn’t - he was good at what he did, and he was recognised for it.

 

“Hey, have you heard about that new guy that just transferred here? I heard he’s an awesome skater. Maybe even better than you, Jonas!” Magnus crowed.

 

Jonas’ face darkened and Mahdi reached around Isak to pinch Magnus’ shoulder. They all knew who Magnus was talking about - a new guy had transferred to Nissen for his final year, and since exciting things didn’t tend to happen in their school, he’d been the hot topic for weeks now.

 

He was hard to _not_ notice, really. He was absurdly tall, so he towered over most, and not only was he striking in appearance - with his hair styled in a way that might look ridiculous on others but not him, and his piercing eyes and stupidly pretty face (Isak had _not_ been staring). But he also had this aura about him, one that made people flood to him. He had the brightest of smiles, the kind of smile that was infectious, and an air of almost arrogance about him, a confidence that made Isak shrink down a little whenever he was around him.   
  
Jonas had decided straight away that he hated the new guy, because it just happened to be that this guy could skate too. Magnus was right - he was maybe, kind of, a little bit better than Jonas was.   
Isak and Jonas had both watched him, a little bit in awe, one day when he’d turned up with the regular group of third years. Everyone around him had stopped to watch, and Isak remembered wondering how someone that tall and gangly could look so balanced and in control. Isak could feel Jonas bristle beside him as they had watched, and Isak hadn’t been aware that Jonas had an ego up until that exact point.

 

“He’s not even that good,” Jonas replied petulantly, and both Isak and Mahdi snorted.

 

“You keep telling yourself that, buddy,” Mahdi chuckled.

 

*

 

Isak wished for the hundredth time that his stupid friends could just be normal so that he could go home and bundle himself in his duvet and re-watch Breaking Bad again, instead of spending all of his spare time outside in a pathetic excuse for a skate park.

It wasn’t so bad in summer, they got to laze around and smoke and drink with music flowing around them - Isak capturing the way the sun pooled on their skin and lightened their eyes - staying out until it got dark, making the most of the lighter nights.

Winter, however, was awful, and Isak was bundled up in so many layers that he couldn’t move right, with his beanie pulled as far down as it would go, and his scarf pulled up high, so only his eyes could be seen.   
Not so many people came to the skate park in winter - in summer it was teeming with people, all sat around the edges of the bowl or perched on top of the walls that surrounded the park. But in winter the only ones who visited frequently were the die-hards, like Jonas, or their idiot best friends, like Isak.

Magnus made a screeching noise before dropping himself off one of the ramps, wobbling rather haphazardly before managing to steady himself and grinning as widely as though he’d just broke some sort of world record. Mahdi and Jonas were competing again, Mahdi shoving at Jonas as they passed each other, making Jonas veer off and shout a stream of curse words in Mahdi’s direction. Isak caught a few photos of his grinning friends, curling his gloved hands around his camera and burying his face further down into his scarf.

The third year boys turned up and called out greetings to Isak and his friends. Music was pouring out from one of the boy’s phones, and Jonas excitedly greeted all of them, until his eyes fell on the new guy, and his face visibly dropped. Isak rolled his eyes at his friend before going back to fiddling with the settings on his camera, cursing at how much more difficult it was wearing gloves, but not difficult enough to convince him to lose the only things that were stopping his fingers from turning black and falling off from the cold.

Someone sat down beside Isak and bumped into his shoulder, making him press the wrong button. He cursed under his breath and turned to scowl at whoever just made him reset his whole stupid camera, before he realised who it was.

 

The guy, _that_ guy, had settled himself down beside Isak and was hunched over whilst he struggled to spark his lighter enough to get a flame in in the stiff wind that was whipping Isak’s cheeks and numbing his nose. Eventually he got it, lighting the joint balanced between his lips before he turned, lifting his eyebrows and taking a drag. He held the joint out to Isak then, who took it dumbly, his eyes not leaving the guy's face.

 

Isak took a drag himself and revelled at the way it warmed his chest a little, before handing it back with a cautious smile.

 

“You don’t skate?” The guy asked, bumping into Isak’s shoulder again.

 

Isak shook his head and huffed a laugh.

 

“No. I’m a danger to myself and everyone around me when I try,” replied Isak, coaxing out a low chuckle from the boy sat beside him.

 

“I’ve seen your photos, the ones you post - you’re good. You have a good eye for it,” he said, pointing to the camera Isak was clutching.

 

Isak shrugged and ducked his head. Plenty of people had complimented him on his photos, Isak definitely shouldn’t be blushing right now.

 

“Even!” someone called, making Isak jump. So that was his name. Isak mouthed it to himself when Even’s head snapped up to his friends.

 

“Are you joining us?” the guy called. Isak could see Jonas keeping his eyes firmly on the floor whilst he rolled around idly on the flat surface for a while.

 

Even told his friends that he’d join them soon, before settling back in his seat. He was almost uncomfortably close to Isak - their shoulders were touching and knees knocking together, and Isak wondered why he wasn’t making the most of the space on the bench - which would usually be full of supportive girlfriends or disgruntled injured friends. Admittedly, Isak was a little grateful for Even’s body warmth seeping into his side, so instead of saying something he settled into it, hoping it would finally stop his teeth chattering.

 

They passed the joint back and forth and watched their friends in front of them, Isak’s camera long forgotten on his lap. Isak didn’t miss the glances that Jonas shot his way, and apparently, neither did Even.

 

“Your friend really hates me, doesn’t he?” Even asked eventually, tapping his foot on the top of Isak’s so softly that Isak wondered if it was an accident.

 

Isak laughed and looked over to Jonas, who was still glaring in their direction over Mahdi’s shoulder.

 

“Nah. He just...doesn’t like new stuff,” Isak said weakly. It wasn’t exactly a lie - Jonas hated change, and Even was a change, a change who was better at the thing Jonas had worked so hard to be good at than he was.

 

“I didn’t mean to intrude on anything,” Even said quietly, almost shyly, Isak thought.

“It’s cool you have a place like this here, I never knew it existed ‘till I moved to Nissen.”

 

“You’re not intruding, and he’ll get over it,” Isak shrugged. Jonas _would_ get over it, eventually. Jonas didn’t hold grudges, and he was happy to change his opinion if someone gave him a good enough reason to do so.

 

Even and Isak stayed side by side, sharing stories and Even’s cigarette, whilst their friends worked hard to outdo each other, shouting light hearted insults to one another, and letting out a chorus of cheers whenever someone fell down.

 

It turned out that Even was into movies, and he gushed to Isak about how the colours in films could affect the entire mood of it. That was why he liked Isak’s photos so much, he said, because the colours were always so vibrant that it was easy to tell exactly what he and his friends were feeling in that moment. They talked about music, and Even typed out a list of artists that Isak should listen to into Isak’s phone, as well as a couple of movies he had to watch too.

 

“You’ve never seen a Wes Anderson film before?” Even asked incredulously, his eyebrows knitting together.

 

“I’ve never even heard of him, I’m sure you’re making the names of these people up,” Isak shrugged.

 

Even threw his head back and laughed at that, his face scrunching up as he did, and Isak completely forgot about how cold he’d been just minutes before.

 

They were huddled together in a cloud of smoke, the weed making Isak’s head feel fuzzy and his lungs heavy, but the more he and Even talked, the more he could feel the tension ebb away and seep out of his muscles.

 

Isak mostly listened to Even talk, nodding and making encouraging noises whenever he needed to. Even’s eyes sparked whenever he talked about something he was really passionate about (which was a lot of things, Isak found), and Isak thought absently that Even could be telling Isak about the different types of rocks, and Isak would still find it fascinating.

 

Something tugged at Isak’s heart whenever their hands accidentally brushed or when Isak caught Even staring at him, but he quickly stamped that down - he liked _girls_ , or at least, as as far as his friends were aware he did. They didn’t need to know how much every hook-up made his skin crawl and his throat feel tight.

Even was just...interesting. He was endearing and striking, and despite the air of confidence and pride Even carried around with his friends, he had a softness about him. Even hung onto every word Isak said, and made sure to prompt Isak with kind smiles, bumping into his shoulder or nudging their feet together. Even had a lot of dreams, a lot of ideas that seemed to run through his head as such a speed that he couldn’t get them out of his mouth fast enough. Isak was kind of envious - he didn’t have any aspirations, he just wanted to get through his school year in one piece.

 

“What do you want to do? Once you leave school, I mean,” said Even, moving himself so that he sat at one end of the bench, back against the armrest and legs sprawled out so that his feet were almost touching Isak’s thigh.

 

Isak turned himself around too, and Even curled his legs up closer to his chest to make room. Isak shrugged as he mirrored Even’s position, hugging his knees.

 

“Haven’t really thought about it. Maybe something to do with the sciences. Biology, probably. You?”

 

“I want to be a movie director,” replied Even, his eyes gleaming as he said it.

 

“So you want to be the next...Wes...whatever his name is?”

 

Even’s face cracked into a grin and he laughed quietly, nodding.

 

“I guess so. I like the idea of being in control, of creating something where you can decide what happens, when it happens.”

 

Isak hummed in response, suddenly noticing how dark it had gotten around them. Even had stayed and talked to Isak the whole time, despite his friends trying to get him to join them. Isak was sure that time had sped up somehow - it felt as though he’d only greeted Even a few minutes ago, when in reality, it had been hours.

 

When Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus jogged over to Even and Isak, red faced and grinning, letting Isak know that they were leaving, Isak couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. He said a goodbye to Even, after Magnus and Mahdi had clapped Even on the shoulder and chatted excitedly to him for a while, whilst Jonas had hovered around in the background with a plastic smile slapped on his face. Even gave one last nod and a soft smile to Isak, and their fingers brushed as Even handed Isak his phone back.

Isak barely felt the bitter cold on the walk back to his flat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was like a chore, like every Saturday before Isak went out he had to put on a mask, because the him that sat in his room quietly, content not to speak for hours on end, wasn’t enough, and the him who he had stamped down and hidden away in the corners of his mind was too much, even for him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who left kind comments and kudos on the first chapter - it honestly has made me so happy to see that people are enjoying this.  
> This chapter is a lot longer, and I'm literally just posting chapters as and when I write them, so I won't really have a posting schedule, but I will try to keep writing bits every day so there's not too long between posts.  
> A warning: this chapter has major spoilers for the ending of the film Moulin Rouge. So if you haven't seen it, and don't want to know how it ends, I suggest you avoid Isak and Even's conversation about it at the party.  
> Hope you enjoy!!

With Saturday came another party, where the music was too loud and grating on Isak’s ears, and there were too many people crammed into too small of a space, so that you couldn’t take a step without bumping into someone. Isak tentatively made his way through the crowd, trying to dodge the swaying bodies whilst attempting not to spill his beer - he could see Magnus in the middle of a group of third years, gesticulating wildly as he spoke, and Mahdi just behind him with his head dipped and his hand against the wall, grinning at a pretty blonde girl who was blushing furiously and twiddling with her hair as she put her other hand on Mahdi’s arm and squeezed it. Isak caught Jonas’ eye in the crowd, and he breathed a sigh of relief. Jonas was stood in one of the doorways with two bottles of beer in his hands, and when he caught Isak’s eye he held one up to him, wiggling his eyebrows. Isak gave Jonas a grateful smile and started to make his way over, but before he could, someone jumped in front of him, stopping him in his tracks.

A young girl, a first year Isak had seen around school, was stood in front of Isak, smiling and rocking herself from side to side nervously.

 

“Hi! You’re Isak, right?” She said cheerfully. Isak could barely hear her over the thump of the music and all of the voices surrounding him.

 

Isak nodded and smiled cautiously, and the girl matched it with an even brighter grin as she took a step closer to Isak, using the loud music as an excuse to wrap her fingers around the back of Isak’s neck and pull his head down to whisper-shout in his ear. Isak tried his best not to flinch.

 

“I love your photos! You and your friends are so cool!” she said, her lips brushing Isak’s ear.

 

Isak swallowed back a scoff at that as he looked over to see Magnus dancing, flailing his arms about and laughing loud enough that it could be heard even over the music  - his friends could _never_ be described as cool, not in this life or the next.

 

Instead, Isak just nodded and took a step back, trying to put space between them. But in response the girl took her own step forward, so that her and Isak were almost chest to chest. She was beaming up at him, cheeks pink and eyes sparkling, and Isak couldn’t get rid of the lump in his throat. As Isak’s eyes flickered up and away from the girl, he zeroed in on Jonas once more, who was grinning slyly at Isak. Jonas gave Isak a thumbs up, before turning and disappearing into the crowd. Isak’s heart dropped.

 

The girl was pretty. She had a bright smile and deep brown eyes that matched her hair, which was short and curling up at the edges slightly. She had deep red lipstick on, that had stained her teeth a little, and she moved her hand from around Isak’s neck to his wrist instead, giving it a squeeze.

 

Isak knew that Magnus, Mahdi, and Jonas would revel in this attention, that they’d be as charming as they could be to keep the girl interested - whisper in her ear, maybe wrap their arms around her waist. He also knew that his friends were watching him; he could feel their eyes boring into him. So he did exactly what was expected of him, settling one of his hands on the girl’s hip as he mirrored her smile and mumbled a few empty compliments into her ear.

 

Isak had gotten into a routine at parties. He’d hang out with his friends, get as drunk as he could, and then hook up with the first girl he could find. Then, the next Monday at school, he’d smile and laugh whilst his friends jeered about it, patting him on the back and giving him high fives.

 

It was like a chore, like every Saturday before Isak went out he had to put on a mask, because the him that sat in his room quietly, content not to speak for hours on end, wasn’t enough, and the him who he had stamped down and hidden away in the corners of his mind was too much, even for him.

 

The girl - Emma, Isak learned - lead Isak into the kitchen where it was a little quieter, wasting no time once they were there in putting her hands either side of Isak’s face and kissing him enthusiastically. Isak kissed her back, trying not to make a face when he realised that Emma’s lipstick would be no doubt all over his face. He kissed her softly and wrapped his arms around her waist, wondering to himself when he’d feel that spark that everyone talked about. His friends would chat excitedly about their hookups as if they were the greatest thing ever; Magnus even insisted one time that it felt as though his brain has exploded, though all of them highly doubted that he’d even hooked up with anyone - Magnus was always the type to stretch the truth a little. When Isak asked Jonas how he knew he loved Eva, Jonas had told him that he’d felt as though something had clicked when they kissed, that something inside of him had settled, and a bunch of other clichéd stuff that made Isak immediately regret asking. Isak had never felt anything close to that, not with any girl, no matter how pretty or kind she was. Every hookup made Isak feel sort of...hollow, and he hated it.

 

Isak’s eyes fluttered open as Emma moved from his mouth to his jaw and down his neck, and Isak suddenly noticed that there was someone watching him.

 

Even was stood across from Isak, almost completely drowned in the crowd of the living room, and when he caught Isak’s eye his mouth curled up into a smile. Even raised his eyebrows and tilted his head, before turning and easing his way out of the crowd and towards the front door.

 

Isak didn’t even think, he gently pushed Emma away, mumbling a pathetic excuse before hurrying out of the kitchen and heading in the same direction he’d seen Even going. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was following, but there was a pull in his chest that made him feel like he couldn’t get outside quickly enough.

 

Sure enough, Even was sat on the wall just outside of the house, drinking a bottle of something. The minute Isak got outside - the cold air a shocking contrast to the damp warmth inside - Even held out a full bottle of whatever it was he was drinking to Isak without even looking up, as though he knew Isak would follow.

 

Isak took the drink and settled down beside Even, muttering a hello. Even turned to Isak and raised an eyebrow, looking amused.

 

“You have uh-” he said, motioning to Isak’s face.

“You should maybe learn to apply your lipstick a little better.”

 

Isak cursed and rubbed furiously at his lips and neck with the sleeve of his hoodie, whilst Even laughed quietly beside him.

 

“Your girlfriend?” asked Even, his breath fogging out from between his lips as he spoke.

 

“No, definitely not,” replied Isak with a scowl. Isak’s friends loved how most of the first year girls thought they had to get a boyfriend as soon as possible, as if it put them higher on the school’s social hierarchy or something. It meant it was easy for them to find girls willing to hook up with them at parties whilst they found their feet at a new school. Isak thought it was sort of sad, really.

 

Even and Isak sat in silence for a while, just taking sips of their drinks and shooting glances at each other every now and again. It was a comfortable silence, one that didn’t make Isak tense, or feel like he had to keep filling the quiet with empty words - it was nice.

 

“I watched that movie you told me I should see,” Isak said eventually, breaking the silence.

 

Even turned to Isak, his eyes lighting up and his face cracking into a grin.

 

“Moulin Rouge? What did you think?”

 

“It made me feel like I’d taken a whole lot of drugs. It was crazy,” Isak giggled. He’d been awake until three in the morning the night after he and Even had first spoke, bundled up in his duvet as he tried to keep up with the pace of the film Even had insisted would ‘change his life.’

 

Even threw his head back and laughed, still chuckling as his eyes met with Isak’s again. Isak’s mouth curled up into a grin of its own accord - he was sure he could never get bored of Even’s laugh.

 

“But you liked it?” Even said, shuffling closer to Isak. Isak’s breath caught in his throat.

 

He _had_ liked it, in a weird sort of way. It was full of colours and noise and emotion and Isak had found himself a little entranced as he watched it.

 

Isak nodded with a smile, and Even’s grin got even wider.

 

“Did you cry at the end?”

 

“Did I _cry_? Who do you think I am?” Isak scoffed. He totally had cried, tears running down his face as the final scene played out.

 

“I cried like a baby, still do every time I watch it,” Even said with a shrug. There was never any bravado with Even - no lies or pretences. Isak wished he could be more honest, wished he could say things without thinking, like Even did.

 

“It was pretty depressing,” Isak admitted eventually.

“Did she really have to die?”

 

“Of course! That’s what makes it an epic love story,” Even insisted.

 

“Why does someone have to die to make it epic? They could have just ran away together or something, like he said they would. Lived happily ever after,” replied Isak with a frown.

 

Even nudged Isak’s shoulder with his own and smiled at him.

 

“I knew you were a hopeless romantic at heart,” he said softly. Isak could feel his cheeks flushing red and he ducked his head, mumbling a ‘shut up’ to Even, who just huffed a laugh and bumped into Isak again.

 

“ _There_ you are!” Someone called from behind Isak, making both Isak and Even jump and spin around.

 

Magnus was stood behind them. His hair was sticking out at every angle, and for some unknown reason, he had an inflatable saxophone in his hand.

 

“We’ve been looking for you everywhere! We heard you hooked up with that super hot first year,” said Magnus, waggling his eyebrows comically and pointing the saxophone at Isak.

 

Magnus only then seemed to notice that Even was sat beside Isak, and he chirped a greeting which Even returned, a slightly bemused look on his face.

 

Mahdi and Jonas came tumbling out of the house soon after, Jonas wearing a pair of sunglasses he hadn’t had with him when he’d turned up to the party, and Mahdi’s shirt was buttoned up wrong, the collar half up and half down.

 

Mahdi greeted Even too, reaching over to clap their hands together, whilst Jonas folded his arms defiantly. Jonas raised his eyebrows at Isak, before tipping his head in Even’s direction, a questioning look on his face. Isak just shrugged back, ignoring Jonas’ pointed glare.

 

Magnus stumbled down the steps and into the street with Jonas in tow, laughing behind him, and Mahdi waved to Even before tagging along after them.

 

Isak got up and turned around to Even to say goodbye, but Even was already standing, and was much closer than Isak had thought, so they ended up stood toe to toe; chest to chest. Isak looked up at Even, and tried to ignore the way his heart was thudding painfully. They were so close that Isak could count all of the different shades of blue in Even’s eyes, and Even’s breath was ghosting on Isak’s cheek.

 

“See you tomorrow?” asked Even quietly as Isak took a stumbling step back, clearing his throat.

 

It was a Sunday tomorrow, and Isak could bet that soon after Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus had nursed their hangovers, they’d be back to the skatepark as soon as possible.

 

Isak nodded, earning a bright grin from Even, before he jogged after his friends, trying to shake off the tingling that had spread through him, from the top of his head down to the tips of his toes.

 

 _Maybe this is the spark everyone keeps talking about,_ Isak thought absently, before he shook that thought from his mind in favour of laughing with his friends as they danced and sang their way home.

 

*

 

Isak woke up sans hangover the next morning, and he was feeling pretty smug about it. Usually he woke up on a Sunday afternoon with a sore throat and a thumping head, but last night he hadn’t particularly gotten a chance to drink, what with the whole Emma thing, and then spending the rest of the night with Even - talking, instead of drinking.

Isak’s heart jumped at the thought of seeing Even again, and he rolled his eyes at himself, reaching over to grab his phone.

He’d heard nothing from his friends yet, but didn’t expect to, since the last texts he’d gotten from Jonas at four in the morning were almost unintelligible, and he and Mahdi had had to half carry, half drag Magnus most of the way home. They’d agreed to meet at the park at three that afternoon, which gave Isak plenty of spare time. He tried to be at least a little bit productive, spending a while making his way through the piles of assignments he had to do. He had on a playlist full of all the artists that Even had told him to listen to, and Isak made a mental list of the one’s he liked and the one’s he made a face at, skipping them almost immediately.

Being a good student didn’t last long, and Isak soon found himself back in his bed, scrolling through the photos from the previous night on his phone. He laughed loudly at one of Magnus, Jonas, and Mahdi - Magnus was laid on the ground, hugging the inflatable saxophone to his chest, Jonas was knelt down on one knee beside Magnus’ shoulder, the sunglasses perched right at the end of his nose and his hand to his head in a salute, and Mahdi was stood behind them both, his hands in the air, and for some reason, his shirt on the floor by his feet. Isak quickly posted it to his instagram, knowing his friends would surely kill him for it, but figuring it was worth all the shit he’d get.

 

Isak hadn’t realised he’d fallen asleep again until he sat up with a gasp, fumbling around his bedsheets for his phone and squinting at the screen, checking the time. It was ten to three. Isak swore and jumped up out of bed, throwing on the first moderately clean clothes he could find and pulling one of his caps onto his head so he didn’t have to deal with his no doubt tangled mop of hair. Isak hurried out of the door whilst shoving his camera into his backpack, and jumped on his bike, sending a quick text to his friends, letting them know he was on his way and that he’d meet him at the park.

 

The park was almost empty when Isak got there, only four people still skating; the rest having left for the day. Isak could make out which was Even, even stood as far away as he was, and when he caught Even’s eye, he saw the grin that spread across Even’s face.

Isak settled himself down on the bench, dumping his backpack at his feet, before pulling out his phone to see a stream of messages from his friend’s group chat filling the screen.

 

 **Magnus:  
** (15:02)  
There’s no way I’m skating today guys. I swear to god I’m going to die.

 **Mahdi:  
** (15:04)  
Seconded. My head feels like it’s going to split in half. I’m not leaving my bed for at least a week.

 **Jonas:  
** (15:07)  
No amount of painkillers or water can fix this hangover. I’m out too, and I’m never drinking again.

 **Mahdi:  
** (15:10)  
Also, Isak. I saw the picture you posted. You’re a dead man when I see you next.

 

Isak groaned as he read the messages, scowling at his phone as he furiously typed a reply.

 

 **Isak**  
(15:15)  
You’re all assholes! I’m sat here waiting for you  
I hope you’re all suffering, and count that photo as revenge for making me leave the house on a Sunday for nothing.

 

Isak sighed and let his head fall back, staring up at the sky. The tiredness came rushing back to him now the adrenaline of trying to leave the house at high speed left his system. Even and his friends were leaving, all collecting up their things and slinging their backpacks over their shoulders before making their way to the exit. Isak sighed - spending some time with Even might have made his rush to get to the park worth it.

 

He decided whilst he was out he might as well grab some shopping, since Eskild was starting to bitch about how Isak never bought his own food, but before he could get up, Even sat down beside him.

 

“No friends today?” Even said, after he’d waved goodbye to his friends and turned to smile at Isak.

 

Isak rolled his eyes, his face darkening.

 

“My friends are idiots who decided to let me know that they were too hungover to come today _after_ I’d already gotten here,” he replied.

 

“Well, I’m glad you came, if it’s any consolation. It’s nice to see you again,” Even said softly. There was that honesty again - Even unapologetically said everything he was thinking, with no pretences and no bravado.

 

Isak’s heart jumped and he had to clear his throat to get rid of the lump that had settled there.

 

They began talking again, restarting their previous conversation as if no time had passed, and Isak listed all of the artists Even had told him to listen to, giving dramatic reviews of each one that made Even laugh so loudly it seemed to echo around them.

 

“Hey, is your photography only limited to your friends, or can I borrow your talents too? I’m willing to pay in coffee,” asked Even, nodding his head towards Isak’s camera, which was poking out of the top of his backpack.

“I’ve got no footage of me skating that isn’t either over three years old, or so blurry it’s unintelligible. So, would you mind?”

 

Isak just nodded, trying in vain to stop his face from heating up. He pulled out his camera and waved his hand in the general direction of the ramps in front of them.

 

“I’ll see what I can do,” he said quietly.

 

*

 

It was just the right time of day, when the sun was low in the sky and everything seemed calm and quiet, except for the stiff breeze that was ruffling Isak’s hair and shaking the trees.

 

Isak watched Even through the lens of his camera, filming for a while before switching to take pictures. Even was good to shoot - the way his hair whipped around in the wind, his hands splayed out, grabbing at thin air, and his tongue poking out from between his lips, brow furrowed in concentration. Isak again was taken aback by how graceful Even was, Even though his limbs were too long and he sometimes looked a little out of place on the small board; but every move flowed, every landing was soft and everything had a sequence. At one point, Even stumbled and lost contact with his board, hands windmilling wildly before he finally regained his balance and landed on his feet. He cheered and punched the air, turning to Isak with the widest smile Isak had ever seen. Isak thought that the photo he got in that moment was one of the best he’d ever taken.

 

Soon after, Even wandered back over to Isak, still grinning. His hair had fallen into his eyes and his cheeks and the tip of his nose were red from the cold. He was breathing heavily, his chest heaving up and down, and he collapsed next to Isak with a sigh.

 

“Was I a good subject?” he breathed, stretching his arms out above his head before letting them settle on the back of the bench. Isak tried not to jump when he felt Even’s finger’s brush his shoulder.

 

“I’ll kill you if you ever tell Jonas I said this, but, you’re _really_ impressive,” said Isak, trying, and failing, to keep the awe out of his voice.

 

Even ducked his head and chuckled, squeezing Isak’s shoulder in a silent thank you.

 

Isak let Even flick through the photos on his camera, and Even gave little noises of appreciation to every single one, chatting excitedly about his favourites, which Isak found, was almost all of them. Even paused at the last one Isak had taken, and Isak felt his cheeks flushing red once more. Even’s face curled up into a smile and he brushed his finger across the screen of the camera.

 

“I look really happy here,” he said softly, his eyes glazing over a little.

 

There was a few beats of silence, Even looking at the photo as though he’d never seen himself before, and Isak watching him, not realising he was holding his breath until his lungs started to burn.

 

“You _were_ happy, because you’d just saved yourself from falling flat on your face,” joked Isak, trying to ease the tension.

 

It worked. Even laughed loudly and gave Isak’s shoulder another squeeze before handing the camera back over to Isak, thanking him once more.

 

They said their goodbyes shortly after, Isak promising to send Even all of his photos once he’d touched them up a little on his laptop.

 

“I’ll text you my e-mail address, you can send the photos there,” said Even. They were stood just outside of the park, about to go their separate ways. Even was bouncing on his toes and they were so close that every time Even rocked forward, he and Isak almost bumped heads.

 

Isak nodded and grappled to pull his phone out of his bag. He could remember Jonas’ number off by heart, even drunk, but he’d never managed to memorise his own.

 

Even stopped Isak by putting his hand on his wrist, and Isak tried to ignore the jolt that went all the way up to his elbow, making him shiver.

 

“I have your number,” Even said with a shrug, and Isak’s eyebrows shot up.

 

“Since when did you have my number?” Isak squeaked.

 

Even raised an eyebrow, a smirk crawling across his face. He started walking away, but kept facing Isak for a few steps.

 

“I got it the first day we talked, when I wrote that list in your phone,” Even called, shooting Isak one last grin before turning to face forward.  
“Honestly Isak, you need to keep up.”

 

Isak stood there for a few moments, dumbfounded, before a smile of his own spread across his face.

 

Isak’s phone pinged a few seconds later, and Isak retrieved it from his bag, huffing a laugh when he saw the message on the screen.

 

 **Unknown Number:  
** (17:21)  
I haven’t forgotten that I owe you coffee for your services. Name a day and a place and I’ll meet you there.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He’d tried to push it down, tried to insist to himself that he and Even were just friends, tried not to catalogue every touch and every soft smile. But he’d let his mind wander, let the tiniest flower of hope bloom inside of himself, and now that it had been crushed, it hurt so much that he could barely stand upright."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's about time for some angst. Sorry Isak.  
> This includes a very brief mention of Isak's mum's mental illness, as well as a lot of anxious and self depreciating feelings from Isak himself.  
> Honestly, every comment and every kudos still makes me so happy, and I haven't enjoyed writing this much in a long time, so thank you all, again. (You're gonna see me saying thank you a lot, but I really mean it). I'm on a roll right now, so I'm just gonna post as and when I finish each chapter, which means my posting will be erratic, I'm afraid. Enjoy!

Isak got shit from Eskild for forgetting to go shopping after his time with Even, but even still, Eskild handed Isak some of his leftover pasta with an eye roll and a fond smile.

 

“I can’t let you waste away because you’re incapable of taking care of yourself. You owe me so many meals though, Isak. I’ve given enough food to you to feed a small country for a week.”

 

Isak made a face but thanked Eskild anyway. He had no idea what he’d do without Eskild. No matter how annoying and invasive he was, Eskild had made Isak feel safe and warm and cared for after a long time of Isak feeling alone and cold, and Isak was sure he’d never be able to let Eskild know how thankful he was for him.

 

Noora and her friends had invaded the living room, and Eskild had happily joined them, much to their delight. Isak just mumbled a greeting to them before hurrying off to his room, food in one hand, a cup of gross herbal tea Eskild kept insisting he drank in the other, and his camera tucked under his arm.

 

He got to work editing the photos from that afternoon, though he didn’t need to make many changes to them - he liked them how they were already. He lightened up a few, and added a bit more colour to some others, but made quick work of it. He sent them all over to Even, before sighing when he realised the stack of previously forgotten school work perched precariously on his desk.

 

He had chipped his way through a few of the workbooks, frowning at the page he was sure made exactly no sense at all whilst he massaged his temples, trying to fight off the headache he could feel looming at the back of his skull, when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

 

Isak pulled it out and lit up the screen, which was full of notifications. The first one was a text from Jonas, which made no sense at all.

 **  
Jonas:**  
(18:46)  
Traitor.

   
Isak was about to reply to Jonas, asking him what on earth he was talking about, before he noticed the other notification, letting him know he’d been tagged in something on Instagram.

 

It was Even’s profile, full of artsy photos; mostly obscure close ups in black and white, but the most recent picture was one that Isak had taken of him. It was the one Isak got of Even when he was in the air and the sun was sat perfectly, tucked underneath Even’s board, making Even look at though he was glowing.

 

 _“Thanks @isakyaki for the amazing shots you got of me boarding today. I owe you one_ _☕️”_

 

Isak grinned at his phone dumbly for a few moments, before remembering Jonas’ text.

 

 **To Jonas:**  
(18:52)  
Don’t be dramatic, you were the one that abandoned me, remember? He’s a good guy, just talk to him. I bet he’ll change your mind.

 

 **Jonas:**  
(18:55)  
You owe me coffee, and cake. Then I might forgive you. Maybe.

 

Isak laughed. He knew Jonas wasn’t really angry. He was terrible at holding grudges and he and Isak had never had a real argument in the whole time they’d known each other. They bickered a lot over trivial things, and always ended laughing about it together after, but neither of them could stay mad at one another for long - they relied on each other too much.

They weren’t as close as they used to be, and that bothered Isak, constantly gnawing at his thoughts. It was his fault and he knew it - Isak and Jonas used to talk about everything, they’d talk endlessly about their dreams and their worries and their problems, and they’d both work together to try and put their thoughts in order.

When Isak’s dad left home, Isak felt as though he’d been abandoned with a stranger. His mother was no longer the warm, kind, and soft lady he remembered so fondly. She’d become cold, sharp, erratic, and she recognised Isak no more than Isak recognised her. Jonas was the only familiarity in Isak’s life, and he allowed Isak to lean on him completely. He spent almost every night at Isak’s, chatting mindlessly to him about anything he could think of, trying to fill up the hollow space that had swallowed Isak’s heart. Jonas helped Isak cook meals, and he even did Isak’s homework for him on the days Isak crashed out after a long night of staying up with his mother, whilst she rocked herself back and forth and tried to scratch herself out of her own skin because she insisted it didn’t fit right. Jonas was Isak’s constant, the little spark of light in the corner of a dark room, and Isak was so glad to have him around.

 

Jonas and Isak still spent the same amount of time together; Isak would follow Jonas anywhere, and Isak could never imagine a time when he wouldn’t need Jonas in his life. But Isak wasn’t the person Jonas thought he was, and it made Isak’s chest ache to know he was lying to Jonas, but he just couldn’t bear to tell him the truth.

 

Isak told himself he was just waiting for the day when everything would click into place for him, when he’d stop feeling so nauseous and anxious if he thought too deeply, and then he’d tell Jonas everything. He’d pour his heart out and unravel every thought in his brain, laying it out for Jonas to see, and if Jonas couldn’t deal with that, then Isak wouldn’t blame him.

 

Isak’s phone buzzed once more and jolted him out of his thoughts. He looked down at the screen to see another new message, but not from Jonas - from Even.

 

 **Even:**  
(19:09)  
Can that coffee date be soon? Like tomorrow soon? I’ve just realised I missed at least nine classic movies from the eighties off your list.  
  
  
Isak barked a laugh, grinning and nodding at his phone, before realising Even couldn’t actually _see_ him.

 

 **Isak**  
(19:10)  
Not sure. I’m a busy man.

 

 **Even**  
(19:11)  
No one is too busy for coffee. Or John Hughes.

 

 **Isak**  
(19:12)  
I’ll meet you at the park tomorrow after school, and I’ll consider the movies. Maybe.

 

 **Even**  
(19:15)  
You’re so kind. Can’t wait.

 

Isak’s heart felt all fuzzy around the edges, and his smile was so wide that his cheeks hurt. He felt sort of stupid, but also thought that maybe, somehow, the first lot of shattered pieces of himself were slowly clicking into place.

 

*

 

Isak had to pinch himself when he walked into school next day, because as he pushed through the doors, heading towards his locker, he stopped dead in his tracks when he realised who was leaning against his locker, shoulders shaking with laughter. The fact Even was stood by Isak’s locker wasn’t the shocking part, though. The part that made Isak consider if he had slept through his alarm again and was maybe dreaming, was that Jonas was leaning against his own locker, facing Even, and _grinning_ at something Even had said.  
Isak walked up to them cautiously, so as not to burst the bubble.

 

“Um, Hello?” said Isak, his greeting tilting up into a question.

 

Even spun around, and his face broke into that blinding smile that Isak would never get bored of.

 

“Good morning!” he called cheerily. Behind him, Jonas waved at Isak over Even’s shoulder, and Isak gave him a pointed look, which Jonas replied to with a shrug.

 

“Me and Jonas were just comparing boarding injuries,” explained Even, like this time yesterday Jonas hadn’t been shooting Even death glares at every opportunity.  
“I’ve broken my left arm so many times, that the bones fused wrong. Now it’s six inches shorter than my right arm.”  
  
  
“ _What?”_ Isak and Jonas squeaked simultaneously.

 

Even nodded solemnly and Jonas’ eyebrows shot up into his hairline.  
  
“It’s true, they were going to give me a bionic elbow to extend it, but I refused. It just means I can’t reach things from the top shelf with that arm anymore.”

There was a beat of silence, before Even’s blank face curled up into the tiniest smirk, and Isak punched his arm.

 

“ _Asshole_. I thought you were being serious!” he yelled. Even collapsed into a fit of giggles, clutching his stomach.

 

“You were kidding?” Jonas asked. Even nodded, still laughing, and Jonas laughed with him.  
“Fuck! I totally believed you!”

 

Even patted Jonas on the shoulder and grinned at him, and Jonas grinned right back. Isak felt something swell in his chest; he knew Jonas would like Even if he just gave him a chance. Even was impossible to _not_ like, Isak was sure. He seemed to always have this shimmering glow seeping out of him, that touched everyone around him and made their days that little bit brighter. He was endlessly fascinating, and smart, and kind, and-  
Isak cleared his throat and dropped his eyes to the ground when he realised he’d been staring at Even for far too long.

 

“I better go. Nice talking to you, Jonas,” Even said warmly, before turning to Isak and waiting until Isak looked at him to speak again.  
Even was stood too close - always too close - and it was making Isak’s skin prickle.  
“Still up for coffee tonight? I have a late class, but I’ll meet you at the park as soon as I’m done.”

 

Isak nodded, maybe a little too enthusiastically, and Even smiled. It wasn’t one of the bright smiles he usually did that crinkled up his whole face, but a small, sort of crooked smile - a smile meant just for Isak.

Even mumbled another goodbye before walking past Isak and down the hallway, brushing Isak’s shoulder with his own as he passed.

 

“I hate it when you’re right,” muttered Jonas, taking Isak’s backpack off of him so that Isak could wrestle with his locker to collect his books.

 

“You must hate me a whole lot then, because I’m _always_ right,” replied Isak with a sly grin.

 

“You wish,” Jonas scoffed.  
“Seriously though, I was stupid. He’s cool.”

 

Isak couldn’t help the bright smile that spread across his face then, and he tried to hide it behind his locker door as he felt warmth spread up through his body.

 

“Yeah, he is,” said Isak softly.

 

*

 

The park was empty when Isak and his friends got there, but that wasn’t a surprise. There was a thick, wet fog sitting heavily the air, that drenched everything in a film of water droplets that stuck to their skin and their clothes and made them shiver. Isak pulled his hood up over his head and perched on the edge of the bench that was still mostly dry, pulling the sleeves of his jacket over his hands and hunching his shoulders against the cold.

It made for some good photos. The air around them was dense and a dull blue colour that made everything seem a few shades darker. Isak got a shot of Mahdi just as he’d finally succeeded in getting something new right for the first time (Isak had recorded that part, because he knew Mahdi would have killed him if he didn’t). Mahdi had his board clutched to his chest, a big toothy grin on his face, and one of his shoes missing, after it had come loose and fell off in mid-air.

He caught one of Magnus too, stood on the edge of a ramp, his nose scrunched up as he scowled at the sky, the front of his board up and wheels spinning slowly, counting with his fingers against his thigh just before he let himself fall. Isak’s favourite one he got was Jonas, with raindrops dripping off of his curls and hanging on his eyelashes, his fingers curled into his palms to protect them from the cold as he cut through the fog on his board.

The gates to the park screeched against the ground, indicating that someone else had entered. Isak’s heart did a little jump and he looked towards the gateway hopefully, but he quickly deflated in defeat when he realised it was a girl walking slowly through the park, looking around with her brows furrowed.

She wandered over to Isak, the frown swapping to a smile as she approached him, and she perched down on the other end of the bench.

 

“Hi,” she said, before looking around her again. She had short blonde hair and dark eyes that wouldn’t settle. They flitted from Isak to his friends to the sky and back again in quick succession. She was still smiling, but it was tense - forced.  
“I’m looking for Even, he said he’d be here tonight?”

 

It was Isak’s turn to frown.

 

“Um, he’s not here yet. He should be soon, though.”

 

“Oh! Great. Are you one of his new friends?” her smile became a little more genuine, but her eyes still looked stony.

 

“I guess, I mean, yeah. Yeah, I am.” Something settled in Isak’s stomach, a block of ice that made him shiver. He didn’t understand why, until he heard the next words that came out of the girl's mouth.

 

“That’s nice. I’m Sonja, by the way. Even’s girlfriend.”

 

Isak excused himself soon after that, jumping up off his seat and shoving all of his things back into his bag before calling a pathetic excuse to his friends and hurrying out of the gates, hands shaking.

 

A _girlfriend_ . Of _course_ he had a girlfriend. Isak got as far away from the park as he could before he had to stop and catch his breath. He leant against a wall heavily, chest heaving up and down as he pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes hard enough that sparks ignited in his vision.  
Isak was stupid. He was so, _so,_ stupid, to let himself think, to let himself _hope_ . He’d tried to push it down, tried to insist to himself that he and Even were just friends, tried not to catalogue every touch and every soft smile. But he’d let his mind wander, let the tiniest flower of hope bloom inside of himself, and now that it had been crushed, it hurt so much that he could barely stand upright.  
It was ridiculous and Isak knew it. Even had never promised Isak anything, Even didn’t _think_ like Isak did. Even’s heart didn’t race when Isak got too close to him, he didn’t feel that twist in his gut when Isak smiled, or when they bumped shoulders. Isak had formulated it all in his head, made up his own fantasy; but the reality was that Even had a girlfriend, and Isak couldn’t breathe.

He’d done this before, and the crushing feeling was all too familiar. He’d thought that maybe, maybe if he got Eva out of the picture, maybe then Jonas would see Isak in the way Isak saw him. He’d thought that maybe Jonas felt it too - that warmth that pooled into Isak’s chest whenever Jonas was near. But he didn’t. Jonas liked _girls_ , just like Even did, and Isak was stupid and selfish and he’d fucked up his best friend’s relationship just because he’d let himself hope.

Isak’s eyes were stinging with tears begging to fall, and the lump that was lodged in his throat was impossible to swallow. Isak dragged himself home, defeated, and he crawled straight into his bed, ignoring the stream of messages that filled up his phone.

 

 **Even:**  
(16:20)  
Sorry, I was running a little late. Meet you at KB?  
(16:24)  
I’m sat by the door.  
(16:25)  
I have your coffee. I had to guess what you liked  
(16:26)  
Figured it would be something pretentious and full of sugar  
(16:38)  
Are you standing me up? I thought what we had was special? ;)  
(16:45)  
Isak????


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Isak dared a glance upwards, and sure enough, Even was looking right at him, gaze steady and sure. Even’s eyes flitted down to Isak’s lips for a moment, then back to his eyes - he was asking for permission, as if Isak could ever have said no"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever, you guys have been so kind, and I'm really enjoying writing this, so it's making me stupidly happy that so many seem to be enjoying it too. Each person that sends me a comment giving me their thoughts makes me smile - I love hearing what you have to say, so keep going!!  
> Once again, a huge thank you to my bud Shannon, for constantly throwing support at me, and for checking each part for me whenever I ask her to. <3  
> Enjoy!

“Are you coming to the park with us tonight, Isak?” asked Mahdi. They were wandering through the school corridors, about to head home for the day.

 

“Not today,” mumbled Isak, keeping his eyes on the floor.

 

There was a chorus of groans around Isak, and he wanted the ground to swallow him.

 

“You’ve said that for the past _four days_ , man. What’s wrong with you?” Magnus whined. Isak just pulled his shoulders up to his ears, and shot an apologetic look at each of his friends.

 

He’d been avoiding the park. No, he’d been avoiding _Even_ , and Isak hadn’t been going to the park in fear that he’d bump into Even there. He’d managed to avoid him at school so far, turning on his heel and hurrying off in the opposite direction of where he’d heard Even’s laugh, or keeping his head down and rushing past when he saw Even walking by with his friends. It was stupid, he knew it, and it wasn’t Even’s fault. But the awful, aching feeling that wrapped around his heart and coated his bones burned too much to ignore, and he knew right now that he couldn’t face seeing Even without feeling like he was about to fall to pieces at his feet.  
He could be friends with Even, he _wanted_ to be, because Even made him happy, he made him feel comfortable. With his friends, he always had to be careful about what he said, in case for some reason, they began to notice the secrets he was keeping. He never felt like that with Even; he felt at ease, and he barely thought before he spoke when they were talking, which was a rarity for Isak.  
He wanted to be friends, but first he had to reel himself back in, let his wounds scab, heal, and scar.

 

Jonas tugged on Isak’s jumper until Isak sighed and looked to him.

 

“Is everything okay?” he asked quietly. His eyebrows were knitted together and his voice was laced with worry, and Isak almost told him right there and then.

He wanted to tell Jonas everything, about how he was almost, maybe, completely sure that he didn’t like girls, and he never had, and now he’d met a boy that made him feel like he was glowing. But that boy didn’t like him back and it hurt so badly that he didn’t know what to do with himself.  
He couldn’t do it though. The words clogged up Isak’s throat and he swallowed them back down, looking away quickly so Jonas didn’t see that his eyes were getting watery.

 

“Everything’s fine,” he muttered, hauling his bag higher up on his shoulder before hurrying away from his friends.

 

In his rush to get away from any more questions, Isak didn’t look up quickly enough, and he ended up colliding with someone walking the opposite direction to him. He staggered backwards with a gasp, and the someone reached out and grabbed his forearm to steady him.

 

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, I-” Isak stopped when he finally looked up.

 

 _Of-fucking-course_ , Even was stood in front of Isak. He was still holding on to Isak’s arm, and he was frowning.

 

“Are you avoiding me?” he asked, his lips pursed.

 

Isak wriggled a little before Even got the message and let go of his arm, and then Isak went back to staring at the ground.

 

“No.” It sounded weak, even to him.

 

“Okay. Well, I sat in KB for two hours and waited for you, but you never showed. I had to drink your macchiato for you.”

 

“I don’t like macchiato’s anyway,” mumbled Isak, earning a snort from Even.

 

“Regardless, you stood me up, and I haven’t seen you since. Is something wrong?”

 

“I met your girlfriend,” Isak blurted, before cursing himself under his breath and looking up to Even, trying to rearrange his face into what he hoped was a smile.  
“She’s nice. Pretty.”

 

Even’s face switched from confused, to guilty, to apologetic in the span of a few seconds, and he sighed, taking a step closer to Isak. Isak took a step back of his own in response.

 

“Listen, Isak. Me and Sonja are complicated. It’s-” Even started, but Isak interrupted him quickly.

 

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

 

“Yes I do. Look, I still owe you coffee, and we need to talk. Are you free now?”

 

Isak opened his mouth to say that no, he wasn’t free, so that he could go home and curl up in his bed again and go back to avoiding Even until he could cage up his stupid feelings. But Even put his hand on Isak’s shoulder, and he was looking at Isak with such earnest, that Isak felt himself nodding before he could even process it.

 

Even puffed out a breath and smiled warmly, taking his hand off of Isak’s shoulder and heading off down the hallway. Isak followed, falling into step with Even almost automatically as they made their way out of school.

 

*

 

“An Americano, _seriously_? Do you hate yourself, Isak?”

 

Even was staring down incredulously at Isak’s drink, whilst carefully cradling his own coffee - full of sugar and syrup - to his chest, as if Isak could infect it, somehow.

 

Isak smiled coyly, before taking a sip of his drink, rolling his eyes when Even made a disgusted face.

 

“It’s the _right_ way to drink coffee. Plus, it suits. It’s bitter, just like me,” Isak joked, grinning.

 

Even snorted and bowed his head, his shoulders shaking with laughter.

 

“If you are what you drink, what does that make me?”

 

Even took a sip from his mug, keeping Isak’s gaze, and Isak tilted his head and hummed thoughtfully.

 

“Pretentious,” he replied, nodding solemnly.

 

Even threw his head back and laughed loudly, some foam from his coffee stuck on his top lip. He laughed so loudly people turned to stare, but Even didn’t care, and Isak couldn’t bring himself to either as he felt laughter of his own bubbling up his throat and spilling out, making him feel the happiest he had in days.

 

They both sobered eventually, sipping their drinks quietly for a while, and Even giving Isak a pointed look when he noticed the face Isak pulled whenever he tasted his coffee. Isak had started drinking the strongest coffee he could when he was living with his mum still. His dad used to have big mugs of steaming coffee, no sugar and no milk, and he’d spend all night sat by his wife hushing her and comforting her. When his father finally admitted defeat, just before he left, he swapped over to hot chocolate with far too many spoonfuls of sugar. Isak took over his dad’s role, downing scalding cups of sour, cheap coffee, when he was so exhausted that his bones felt like they were made out of lead. It was a habit he’d fallen into, and weirdly, he enjoyed it - it was the bitter taste of home; one of the few things Isak allowed himself to remember.

 

“About Sonja...” Even began, his fingers drumming on the table. Isak immediately tensed up.

 

He’d forgotten about Sonja up until that moment. It was so easy to fall back into Even, to create a separate universe with him. It worried Isak, how quickly he seemed to relax around Even - it felt like he was in the balance, like he could either fall or he could fly, and Even was completely in control of which side Isak tipped to.

 

“We’ve been together since we were fifteen, and we were best friends before that. It scares me how well she knows me sometimes. It feels like she knows me better than I know myself, and I don’t like that.” Even’s eyes flashed with something that Isak couldn’t quite place.  
“Things haven’t been great, these past few months, maybe even the whole year. We’re growing apart, and we both know it, but our lives are so...tied. Does that make sense?”

 

Isak just nodded woodenly. He wasn’t exactly sure where Even was going with this, or what point he was trying to make. Something in Isak’s stomach fluttered quietly, hopefully, but Isak quickly squashed it down. Even’s eyes were flitting from the table, to Isak, and back to the table again; his lips were pursed and a wrinkle was forming between his brows. Isak had never seen Even so unsure - it was almost as though he was nervous.

 

“Anyway, we argue all the time, and we’re on and off with each other a lot. We’re barely a couple, and I think we both just need to start accepting that,” Even huffed a weak laugh and ran his hand through his hair.  
“I wasn’t keeping her a secret from you, I swear.”

 

Even met Isak’s eyes at that, and his gaze didn’t falter. Isak squirmed a little under it.

 

“Okay,” he managed eventually.

 

He still wasn’t sure what it all meant, why Even was pouring his heart out to Isak about his shaky relationship with his girlfriend, and what Isak was meant to do with all this information.

A hurricane was happening inside of him, one that was demanding to be heard, and Isak wondered if Even was maybe telling him all of his because he understood why Isak had been so heartbroken when he found out about Sonja, and he was trying to reassure him. _Are you feeling what I’m feeling?_ Isak wanted to ask. _Are you in the storm with me?_

Isak shook that thought off immediately. Even had a girlfriend that he’d been with for so long they were almost one entity. Isak couldn’t compete with that.

 

There was a moment of silence, before Even’s face spread into a smile, and he waggled his eyebrows comically at Isak before getting up out of his chair.

 

“Let’s go,” he said, turning on his heel and heading out of the shop, not looking back even once to see if Isak would follow.

 

But Isak followed obediently anyway. Of course he did - he was sure that he’d follow Even anywhere.

 

*

 

They ended up at the skate park, of course, because every path Isak took seemed to lead him back to that place. Sometimes, it felt more like home than the place he’d lived at with his parents ever did. It was full of memories, ghosts packed into every inch of it - quiet conversations and loud laughter, small victories and miserable losses. It was his constant, just like Jonas was - a place full of familiarity and love, and no matter how much Isak complained about sitting and freezing on the bench almost every night in the winter, the old skate park held a very special place in Isak’s heart.

 

The park was empty, since it was almost dusk, and slowly growing colder. Even unstrapped his board from his backpack, and Isak marvelled once more at the graffiti that completely covered the underneath of the board, so that the underside was an explosion of colour. Isak had asked Even about it the first time he’d seen it, and Even explained that he’d decorated it himself - drawn and painted and sprayed until it was full of little images and comics and words that Even treasured, memories that he didn’t want to forget.

 

“What if you did want to forget them, eventually?” Isak had asked, running his fingers across the yellows and reds and blues, the smiling faces and the lines of poetry.

  
“Then I just paint over and restart,” Even replied simply with a shrug.

 

Even set his board on the ground, pulling Isak out of his thoughts, and Even waved his hand towards the board, raising an eyebrow.

 

“What?” Isak eyed Even warily, and Even’s smile became positively gleeful.

 

“I’m going to teach you how to skate. Hop on.”

 

Isak barked a laugh and took a step back, shaking his head.

 

“No way, do you _want_ me to break a limb?”

 

“You won’t break anything. I’m an excellent teacher,” Even said proudly.

 

“I’m barely able to co-ordinate myself on two feet and solid ground. This seriously isn’t going to end well,” argued Isak. Despite himself, he took a cautious step forward, because Even just looked so full of joy, laughter filling up his chest as he held a hand out to Isak.

 

“I won’t let you fall. I promise.”

 

Isak took a deep breath and curled his hand into Even’s. Even gave Isak’s hand a squeeze, still smiling widely.

 

“Okay, step on. One foot either end so you don’t put yourself out of balance,” Even began, giving Isak’s hand a tug so that he’d step closer.

 

“I know how to get on a board, Even,” Isak scoffed.  
“I’ve been watching Jonas for years.”

 

Even snorted, grabbing Isak’s other hand to help him as he shakily stepped onto the board and it rolled back and forth under his feet.

 

“Don’t you dare let go of me,” Isak said through gritted teeth, and Even burst into a fit of laughter, taking a step forward so that he was right in front of Isak, their chests almost touching. Isak was at eye level with Even now that he had the board giving him a little extra height, and he could feel Even’s breath on his cheek.

 

“I won’t, don’t worry. I’ve got you,” he said softly. The air changed suddenly, static surrounding them, and Isak cleared his throat, avoiding Even’s gaze.

 

“I will never understand why you guys find this fun. This is a death trap,” Isak muttered, earning another gleeful laugh from Even.

 

Isak was holding on to Even’s hands so tightly that his knuckles were white, but Even didn’t comment on it. Instead, he just brushed his thumb across Isak’s right hand rhythmically, trying to coax the tension out of him.

 

“I figure all of the falls are worth it, for all the times I get a chance to fly,” Even replied gravely.

 

Isak rolled his eyes.

 

“Okay Shakespeare, it’s just a plank of wood on wheels,” he scoffed.

 

“And yet, here you are, shaking like a leaf and being a total wimp about it,” Even said, smirking at Isak.

 

Isak would have flipped Even off, but he didn’t dare to let go long enough to do so, so he settled with just glaring instead. Even seemed to get the picture, but also didn’t seem to care.

 

They managed to get Isak to roll a few feet across the ground on his own, with Even hovering nearby, hands just ghosting Isak’s waist in case he faltered, and both of them celebrated as if he’d achieved something magnificent.

 

When Even led Isak over to one of the ramps, Isak balked. It was one of the tiny ramps made for kids, but even still, Isak protested as Even grabbed his wrist and pulled him over.

 

“Oh my god, you are _such_ a baby!” Even laughed, helping Isak to hop back onto the board.

 

“No, I just value my bones more than you do,” Isak retorted.

 

It was Even’s turn to roll his eyes, but even as he did so, he was smiling.

 

“Come on, just try it. I’ll keep hold of you.”

 

Even set Isak up at the top of the ramp, before stepping in close and settling his hands on Isak’s hips. Their foreheads brushed together as Even spoke, and Isak forgot how to breathe.

 

“Are you ready?” he said, voice barely above a whisper.

 

Isak nodded and shut his eyes.

 

“Okay, on three. One, two, three!”

 

Before Isak realised what was happening, Even had let go of Isak after giving him a gentle push, and Isak went speeding down the ramp, legs wobbling and arms flailing. Isak could hear Even whooping behind him, and Isak kept his eyes tight shut as he made a wobbly line towards the end of the park.

 

When he finally came to a stop, Even was there after hurrying after Isak, and he was positively beaming. Isak hid his own grin with a fake scowl, crossing his arms, and then panicking when the movement made his board shoot forward with a jolt. Even caught his waist with one hand to steady him, eyes shining.

 

“Asshole,” Isak muttered, trying to keep his face dark even though his mouth was itching to turn upwards.

 

“You did it!” Even cheered, unperturbed.

 

“You let go!” Isak whined petulantly, and Even sniggered, squeezing Isak’s hip.

 

“You survived,” he replied with a shrug.  
“Want to go again?”

 

“I don’t think I’m lucky enough to do that twice without at least maiming myself.” Isak made a move to step off of the board, but instead, Even stopped him, taking a step forward so that they were back to how they were before - foreheads almost touching, and knees knocking together.

 

Isak’s breath came up in stilted gasps, and he kept his eyes to the floor, knowing that Even’s were boring into him. He felt Even’s other hand gently settle itself on Isak’s waist too, and every single one of Isak’s nerves stood up on end.

 

He could feel Even’s breath drying his lips, and instinctively, Isak tilted his chin forward to get closer. They were so close that Even’s eyelashes were brushing Isak’s cheek, dusting a blush where they touched. Their noses bumped together, and Isak let out a sigh - his heart was beating so hard that it felt as though it was cracking against his ribs, and he could feel the heat rolling off of Even’s body. Isak dared a glance upwards, and sure enough, Even was looking right at him, gaze steady and sure. Even’s eyes flitted down to Isak’s lips for a moment, then back to his eyes - he was asking for permission, as if Isak could ever have said no. Isak made the move to close the distance, the hurricane in his head getting louder.

 

A lot of things happened all at once in that moment, and none of them were what Isak had wanted.

 

As Isak surged himself forwards to finally meet Even’s lips, he took a step to the side, forgetting he was on a skateboard. The board shot out from underneath his feet and Isak tumbled to the floor, landing on his back with a painful thud. As Isak hissed a stream of curse words, wincing, the rouge board slammed straight into Even’s ankles, and he buckled underneath it, landing on his side with a yelp.

 

They both laid there in silence for a while, Isak staring up at the sky, wondering why his life was so utterly ridiculous, and Even staring at Isak, looking a little shellshocked. Isak eventually met Even’s eyes, and they both fell into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, clutching their stomachs and wheezing.  
Isak his his face in his hands and groaned, and Even moved to lay on his back beside Isak, laughing so hard that his laughs had turned into silent gasping hiccups. Isak thought about sitting up, but felt a jolt of pain zip down his back, and decided against it. He was almost certain he wouldn’t have been able to move anyway - all his bones had turned to mush.

 

“I told you this was a terrible idea,” Isak griped, turning his head to look at Even.

 

Even turned his head too. His eyes were full of fire and his face was crinkled up with joy.

 

“I disagree,” he murmured, moving his arm so that he could pillow his head on top of it, still watching Isak, with a soft, slightly awed smile.  
“I thought it was a _fantastic_ idea.”

  
Isak’s heart couldn’t settle, and the storm raged on.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It’s not like he’d never seen the stars before - when he was a child he used to sneak out of his house in the middle of the night to lay in his garden and stare at the sky, the dew seeping into his clothes and making him shiver. But this was like seeing them for the first time all over again, like he and Even were the only two people in the universe, staring up at the infinite expanse of glittering lights smattered across the black sky."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was the least fun to try and make into something that made sense, and not just a weird ramble about stars...  
> A note: Whilst this is completely an AU, I am purposefully trying to mirror certain parts to things that happen in the series, if that makes sense? Don't stress though! I'm physically incapable of writing anything other than a happy ending, so don't think this is going to end even remotely badly.  
> (Also, please excuse any inaccuracies about Greek mythology and constellations, I tried my best to get them right)  
> Enjoy!!

Isak sat and picked at his lunch, allowing the conversation of his friends sat around him fade into background noise that hummed comfortably round his ears, as he relayed over what had happened the night before.

After him and Even had laid there for a while, Isak looking up at the sky, and Even watching Isak, they both attempted to haul themselves up with syncronised groans, wincing at their aching muscles. Isak had gotten himself sitting upright, but his head was spinning and there was a throbbing in between his shoulders that made him curse.

 

“You okay down there?” Even asked, smirking. He was stood over Isak with his arms folded, and Isak scowled up at him.

 

“No. I’m broken,” complained Isak, rolling his head on his shoulders and cringing at the way his neck twinged.

 

“So dramatic,” Even muttered, before holding a hand out to Isak so he could help him to his feet. Once Isak was standing, Even didn’t let go of his hand.  
“When I was seventeen, I broke my leg. Tried to do a spin off a ramp and landed wrong - snapped it clean in half at my shin. I limped my way home instead of calling an ambulance.”

 

Isak gawped for a few seconds, before noticing Even’s expression.

 

“You’re lying aren’t you?” he said, exasperated.

 

Even’s face split into a grin, and he laughed loudly, giving Isak’s hand a squeeze.

 

“Yeah. I cried and screamed like a baby until the ambulance came.”

 

Isak laughed along with Even, shaking his head. He realised this could be his second chance, whilst Even was holding tightly onto his hand. Isak could just take one step closer, and press their lips together, like he’d wanted to before.

 

But he didn’t. The small shreds of courage he’d managed to muster when he was stood on the board had dissolved into the air, so all Isak could do was squeeze Even’s hand back just as tightly, remembering the warmth and the feel of Even’s hand in his own. He kept that feeling with him all the way home, even once they’d parted ways with soft smiles and promises of tomorrow, and Isak couldn’t stop that warmth from making it’s way through his chest and up to his face, pushing his lips into a dazed smile.

 

“Isak! Are you even listening?” Isak was pulled out of his reverie by Magnus clicking his fingers in front of his face, scowling. Isak looked around to see his other two friends were staring at him too - Mahdi looking amused, Jonas looking worried.

 

“Sorry, sorry,” he mumbled, shrugging an apology and setting his sandwich down, propping his chin into his hands and putting of all his attention onto Magnus.

 

“What were you saying?”

 

“Well,” Magnus began, setting his hands on the table, palms down, as he grinned at Isak ready to launch into a no doubt over exaggerated story about the latest girl he’d decided he was in love with.  
“I went to this party-”

 

“Already a lie. You don’t go to any parties without us,” Mahdi interrupted immediately.

 

Magnus scoffed and turned to glare at his friend.

 

“Yes I do! It was my cousin’s party!” he argued.

 

“Are you trying to tell us that you hooked up with your _cousin_?” Jonas asked with a frown. They all found great delight in making fun of Magnus up whilst he tried to tell his far fetched tales.

 

“ _No!_ Oh my god, that’s not what I said. I-”

 

“Magnus, I know you’re desperate, but that’s just wrong,” Isak interjected with a grin, earning sniggers from both Mahdi and Jonas.

 

“You guys are the worst. The fucking worst. As I was _saying,_  I met a girl at my cousin’s party, and she was amazing, okay? So pretty, she had the best smile I’d ever seen, and-”

 

“I thought the girl from Emma’s party had the best smile you’d ever seen?” Jonas interrupted again, and Magnus’ face had gone so red with frustration that he looked like he was about to combust.

 

“Okay, so maybe she had the _second_ best smile I’d ever seen. Fuck you. But she was beautiful; she was like a goddess, or a model, or something. Anyway,” Magnus suddenly switched from his story to grin slyly at Isak.  
“Speaking of Emma, Isak. Are you still hooking up with her?”

 

That earned a couple of jeers from the other two boys, Jonas nudging Isak’s side and wiggling his eyebrows at him. Isak made a face, but before he could answer someone sat down at the table on the other side of Isak, and bumped into his shoulder.

 

“Hey guys,” Even chirped, grinning at each of Isak’s friends before looking to Isak and uttering a softer, secret greeting to him.

 

Mahdi and Magnus reached over the table to clasp hands with Even, matching his smile, and Jonas leant behind Isak to clap Even on the back.

 

“Hey dude! Nice to see you again,” Jonas said cheerily, and both Magnus and Mahdi gawped.

 

“Since when did you two talk?” Mahdi asked.

 

“Yeah, last we heard, you hated Even,” Magnus added.

 

Both Even and Isak laughed under their breaths, whilst Jonas’s cheeks flushed red and he ducked his head.

 

“I didn’t say I _hated_ him,” he mumbled, shrugging.

 

“Yes you did! You said, and I quote: _‘I don’t know why everyone likes him, I hate the smug asshole,_ ’” argued Magnus, doing a hilarious impression of Jonas’ voice.

 

Both Isak and Mahdi burst into fits of laughter, and Isak could feel Even’s shoulders shaking beside him too. Jonas hid his face in his hands.

 

Even reached behind Isak, as Jonas had before, to squeeze Jonas’ shoulder.

 

“Don’t worry Jonas, I won’t take it personally,” he said, still laughing. As he moved his arm back, he let his fingers trail across Isak’s back slowly, and Isak had to suppress a shiver.

 

They all fell into conversation comfortably, laughing and joking with each other, and Isak marvelled a little at how easily Even seemed to fit in with his friends; like he’d always been there, by Isak’s side. Isak’s heart did a weird stuttering thump when Even’s laugh faded and he looked to Isak with one of those soft smiles that made his eyes look as though they were glittering, and Isak felt it all the way down to his toes.

 

*

 

Isak couldn’t sleep. It happened sometimes, when his brain was twisting and spinning at high speed; too many blurry thoughts that he couldn’t catch long enough to organise into something coherent. His parents had started texting him again; his dad was sending casual texts, asking to meet, questioning how he was - as if he hadn’t turned Isak’s life upside down, giving up and running away when things got too much. His mother’s texts were harder to ignore. They were often quotes, either from poetry her and Isak used to read when he was a child, or bible quotes, all in capital letters, and when Isak read them, he could hear her screaming in his head. Sometimes though, the texts were just pleading - Isak was never sure what for, since they were mostly unintelligible, but the guilt still ate away at Isak’s soul, and made his stomach turn uncomfortably.

Isak laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling and clutching his phone to his chest. He felt like a coward, pathetic, for giving up on his mum so easily. The pressure had just felt like _so_ much, it had weighed down heavy on his chest, making it so hard to breathe. He had felt boxed in, stuck somewhere dark that he couldn’t escape. Now he was away from that and out of the box, he felt so lost and alone, stuck in an empty space of nothing but guilt.

 

His phone buzzed again, and he squinted as the bright screen lit up, breaking through the darkness of his room. Both his parents messages were still there, unopened, but there was another message at the top that made Isak’s heart stutter.

 

 **Even:**  
(2:13)  
Want to go somewhere?

   
Isak read it again, wondering if he was that sleep deprived that he was hallucinating. But no, the message was still there, quickly followed by a stream of emoji’s that had absolutely no relevance to the previous message.

 

 **Isak:  
** (2:14)  
It’s two in the morning????

 

 **Even:  
** (2:15)  
It is. But you’re awake, and so am I, so lets go somewhere.

 

Despite himself, Isak got up and started to pull on some clothes, wrapping himself up in more layers than strictly necessary, since he assumed that Even would probably make him stay out for hours in the freezing cold.

 

 **Isak:  
** (2:16)  
Fine. Where shall we meet?

 

 **Even:**  
(2:16)  
That’s the spirit! Meet me at the place where you can either fall, or you can fly.

  
Isak rolled his eyes and smiled down at his phone. Of course that would be where they would meet.

 

 **Isak:**  
(2:17)  
You’re so pretentious. Could you not have just said the skate park?

 

 **Even:**  
(2:17)  
Where would be the fun in that? Wrap up warm, it’s cold out here.

 

Isak walked the familiar route down to the skate park; the air was bitter cold and snapped at his cheeks and his nose as he wandered through the eerily quiet streets, his eyes watering.  
Even was already stood outside of the gates when Isak got there - he had his hands stuffed in his pockets, and he was staring at the floor, scuffing his shoe on the pavement. He looked up when he heard Isak come towards him, and his face instantly melted into a grin.

 

“Fancy seeing you here!” he called, his voice echoing through the otherwise silent street.

 

“Could you not have picked a place to meet _indoors_? It’s freezing,” Isak griped, but couldn’t help smiling back.  
“This place is shut anyway. Did you just plan to sit outside it all night?”

 

On a night time, just after ten, the park was closed up - the big iron gates shut and bolted with rusty chains, and the walls around were high enough that they couldn’t be scaled easily. Isak and his friends had tried once, drunk and on the way home from a party. Isak and Magnus managed it with a little effort, since they were the tallest, but even with their friends helping, Jonas and Mahdi couldn’t make the climb. They ended up laughing too much to manage it, and quickly gave up, choosing to lean against the wall shoulder to shoulder instead, passing a bottle of liquor between them.

 

“Don’t be so defeatist, Isak. Walls and gates shouldn’t stop you.”

 

Isak rolled his eyes again, as Even waggled his eyebrows, heading over to the wall.

 

“You do know that we go to this park every day, in the daytime, when it’s actually _open_ to the public, don’t you?”

 

“Ah, but everything is much more magical under the stars. Come on.”

 

Even climbed up the wall first, with a lot of effort and grunting, whilst Isak stood below and laughed hysterically. Once Even was up, he stood on the top of the wall and grinned down at Isak, before crouching down and holding a hand out.  
Even was nearly pulled off balance as Isak hauled himself up the wall, and neither of them were particularly much help to each other since they couldn’t stop laughing. Eventually, Isak was up and settled next to Even as they sat side by side, legs dangling off the edge of the wall.

Isak cursed himself for not thinking to bring his camera, because the view in front of him was beautiful. The sky was dark, there was no noise, no movement, but the night was interrupted by tiny glowing yellow lights, from homes and buildings and cars in the distance. They looked as though they were floating; blurry mixes of oranges and yellows, and sometimes reds and greens. When Isak looked closely, he could see silhouettes of people mixed in with the lights - people walking past their windows, or passing a street light. There was a special sort of quiet to the early hours of the morning, different to any other quiet Isak knew. It was cushioning, and it enveloped everything around it with a soft, comforting feeling, like everything in the world had frozen in time for a while.

 

“I love this time of night, it’s so peaceful,” Isak said quietly. He turned to look at Even, who was already watching him, the ghost of a smile playing at his lips.

 

“It’s like everyone in the whole world is asleep, except for us,” Even agreed.

 

They sat there for a while, mostly in silence, not wanting to break the hushed stillness around them, until Even nudged Isak, his eyes shining almost as bright as the lights in front of them.

 

“Come on, there’s a better view than this.”

 

They jumped down off the wall and into the park, and Even headed straight for the bowl in the middle, pulling his backpack off of his shoulder as he did so. Once they’d both slipped down the sloping sides into the middle of the bowl, Even knelt down, rummaging through his backpack. Eventually he pulled out a large wooly blanket, which he shook out and set down on the ground.

 

“I figured you’d complain about the floor being cold,” Even explained with a shrug. Isak just looked at him incredulously.

 

Even sat down on the blanket first, patting the space beside him. Once Isak had sat down, Even eased himself to lay back, giving Isak’s arm a tug so that he would do the same. Isak was watching Even, frowning, until Even looked to him with a grin, and raised his eyebrows.

 

“Look up,” he whispered.

 

Isak did, and his breath caught. It’s not like he’d never seen the stars before - when he was a child he used to sneak out of his house in the middle of the night to lay in his garden and stare at the sky, the dew seeping into his clothes and making him shiver. But this was like seeing them for the first time all over again, like he and Even were the only two people in the universe, staring up at the infinite expanse of glittering lights smattered across the black sky.

 

“How many constellations can you name?” asked Even. He had his arms behind his head and his legs stretched out, with his wooly hat slowly slipping off of his head.

 

“I used to have a ton of them memorised when I was a kid. There’s eighty-eight in total, and I think I could list at least seventy of them,” replied Isak. Even sniggered.

 

“Did you know that the sun is the only known star in our galaxy, that isn’t part of a constellation?” Isak added.

 

“So it’s all alone?”

 

“Yeah, I guess it is. What’s your star sign?”

 

“Aquarius,” Even replied slowly, a confused smile on his face.

 

“Aquarius’ story is a good one. Mythology says that aquarius tells the story of a handsome boy that was a prince. He was so beautiful that when Zeus saw him, he sent a huge eagle down to take him and bring him up to the heavens so that he could keep him. He was a good companion to Zeus, and when the people down on earth were in desperate need of water, Zeus repaid the boy by allowing him to send down rain to earth. He eventually became the god of water, and was given his place in the stars,” Isak used to have a huge, old heavy book full of facts about the universe and constellations, that he used to carry with him everywhere. The spine became worn and some pages were missing and ripped, but still, Isak kept it, and he remembered almost every line of it.

 

Even looked at Isak with a completely awestruck expression, making Isak’s cheeks feel warm. Eventually, Even’s face broke out into a smirk, and he poked Isak in the side.

 

“That’s fitting. Since I’m also so devastatingly handsome that a god would favour me and decide to keep me in the heavens.”

 

Isak snorted and rolled his eyes.

 

“They’d send you right back down again when they realised how much of an idiot you are, though,” Isak quipped, and Even gasped, hand on his chest, feigning outrage.

 

“You’re breaking my heart, Isak,” he said solemnly.  
“What’s your star story then?”

 

Isak sighed. His story was much more disappointing in contrast to Even’s.

 

“Gemini. It’s about two twins who were born with the same mother, but different fathers. One’s father was a king, and the other was a god - Jupiter, who when he impregnated the mother, was…” Isak paused and grimaced.

 

“Was what?” Even prompted.

 

“In the form of a swan,” Isak finished reluctantly.

 

Even burst into a fit of hysterics, head thrown back, and face scrunched up. Isak laughed with him; his heart felt as though it was shimmering, and he felt sort of light-headed - it was a feeling he’d only started to get around Even, when they laughed or smiled or talked together, and Isak was almost certain he’d never get used to it. He revelled in it all the same, as if each time was the last time.

 

“Greek mythology is crazy,” Even said eventually, little gasps of laughter still escaping his lips.

 

“It’s fascinating. They have a story for everything, and each one is just as mad as the next. I think the Greeks took a whole lot of drugs when they were making up these stories,” that earned another loud laugh from Even, who hauled himself to a sitting position, keeping his eyes on the sky.

 

“Doesn’t it scare you? How big it all is?” Even asked quietly once he’d sobered.

 

Isak sat himself up too, mirroring Even’s position.

 

“No, I think it’s kind of comforting,” he replied.

 

Even shot Isak a questioning look, prompting him to explain.

 

“I mean, me and you, we’re just two little specs in this huge expanse of universe. In the grand scheme of things, we don’t matter.”

 

“How is _that_ comforting?” Even frowned.

 

“We can do what we want, be who we want to be, the universe doesn’t care,” Isak knew the irony in what he was saying - he tried his hardest not to care, but unfortunately, whilst the universe didn’t mind what he did, his friends probably would.  
“The possibilities of us are endless. There’s an infinite number of universes around us, all with different things happening. An Isak, and an Even, in every other universe, making different decisions, and taking different paths.”

 

Even made a noncommittal noise, but Isak didn’t miss the way his eyes darkened as he shuddered slightly.

 

“I don’t like feeling so small, so powerless,” he mumbled eventually, looking back down at Isak, then straight ahead of them, his mouth set in a hard line.

 

“It’s just a theory, just the one I believe,” Isak shrugged, before curling his mouth into a smile and nudging Even’s shoulder.  
“It’s a fact though, that you’re made out of stardust.”

 

Even grinned at that, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Was that a terrible chatup line? Or an actual science fact?”

 

Isak’s cheeks began to heat up again, and he shook his head, flipping Even off.

 

“No! It’s a fact! Everything in the universe is created from the explosions of stars, so our bodies are made from the remnants of stars and galaxies.”

 

Even’s eyes went wide, and his grin grew even bigger when he looked up to the sky above them. Isak was just glad to have gotten rid of the fear that had laced his expression just moments before.

 

Isak felt like he could believe it in that moment - that they were made of stardust. Even and Isak had carved their own quiet place out in the universe - it was just them, together, Even shining brighter than the sun, and Isak quietly shimmering beside him, luminous light flowing through his veins.  
Isak hadn’t realised he was staring at Even until Even looked down and met his eyes. A grin was still etched on his face, and when he looked at Isak, it melted into something softer, his eyes warm and crinkled at the edges.

 

They’d drifted closer to each other instinctively, so that their hands overlapped each others and their shoulders bumped together. Even’s head tilted in, so close that his and Isak’s cheeks brushed together. Isak forgot to breathe for a few moments, and when he eventually took in a shaky gasp, it made Even’s mouth twitch upwards.

 

Isak had no idea who kissed who first, but he’d felt Even bring his hand up to rest on Isak’s face, and Isak bunched his fist up in Even’s coat tightly, letting his eyes flutter shut as they collapsed into each other. The first kiss was tentative, careful, and Even kept his thumb rubbing across Isak’s cheekbone gently. Even eased back, though still close enough that Isak could feel his breath on his lips, and Isak opened his eyes to see that Even was grinning at him. The tip of Even's nose was pink, and his eyes were positively sparkling - _full of stardust_ \- Isak thought, as he tugged on Even’s coat to draw him back in for another kiss.

 

It was clumsy and desperate; their noses and foreheads bumped together a lot, and at one point, Isak’s scarf got in the way of his mouth, which made them both burst into a fit of giggles, Even smiling against Isak’s lips. Isak’s brain had gone completely into overdrive and blanked out - all of his thoughts had just melted into a stream of Even’s name, and he had electric shocks running through his body. He was on fire wherever Even touched him, and no matter how close they were, it wasn’t close enough.

 

They were suddenly interrupted by the gates screeching open, and a light shining through the park, casting eerie shadows.

 

“Is someone in here?” a gruff voice called, and Even’s eyes went wide.

 

“Fuck. Is breaking and entering into a skate park a criminal offence?” he hissed.

 

The footsteps were growing closer, and Even jumped to his feet, pulling the blanket from under Isak so he could stuff it into his bag. Isak jumped up too, and he scowled at Even.

 

“I swear to god, if I get arrested because you wanted to be spontaneous and romantic, I’m going to-” Isak began, but was interrupted by a light being shone in his eyes.

 

The security guard called for Isak and Even to stop as they clambered out of the bowl and made for the gates, Even clutching on to Isak’s hand and dragging him along, ignoring the yelling behind them. They ran and ran, still laughing hysterically, feet pounding across the pavement and Isak’s lungs burning as he gasped in the freezing air, with all the lights of the city dashing past him in a glowing blur. Eventually they came to a stop when they were far enough away, and Isak collapsed against the wall, his heart feeling like it was about to burst, and Even stood crouched over with his hands on his knees, desperately trying to catch his breath.

 

“Holy _fuck_. I think I’m about to pass out,” Isak gasped eventually, Even nodded and let out a breathless laugh, straightening himself back up again to look at Isak.

 

Even crowded Isak against the wall and kissed him again, slow and sweet, as he twined their hands together. Isak could feel Even’s heart thudding just as erratically against his chest as Isak reached up to knot his free hand in Even’s hair.

 

“Who’s house is closer? I think if I walk much further I’m going to collapse,” said Even when they broke apart.

 

Isak nodded in agreement - his legs felt like jelly and every part of him was shaking - though, he didn’t think that most of it was due to the running.

 

“Mine’s ten minutes if we keep walking down this road,” he replied.

 

“Mine’s fifteen in the opposite direction, so yours it is. Let's go,” Even took a step back but pulled Isak with him so that Isak stumbled forward and bumped into Even’s chest. Even kissed him again, once, twice, three more times, before setting off walking, keeping his hand in Isak’s.

  
They walked down the quiet street together, laughing and talking softly, and Even dragging Isak to a stop every so often to pull him in for another kiss. Isak was so full of light and warmth; he and Even were the only people in the the world - the _universe_ _,_ even _-_ at that moment. They were stars that made up their own small, but blindingly bright constellation, and Isak had never felt more like he belonged, than when Even’s hand was in his own.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "When they were outside, in the enveloping quiet of the night, Isak has sort of felt like he was in a dream. But now, in the too bright lights of the kitchen, and with the mugs clinking together noisily in his hands, what was happening was very real, and so was Even, stood there, watching him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!! I was going to wait till tomorrow to post this, but I'm terribly impatient, so here's another chapter! It's only a short one I'm afraid, but I wanted to stop it here because it was the right place to stop before we reach another turning point.  
> Once again, you've all been wonderful - I honestly can't believe how many hits, kudos, and comments this silly little story has gotten. It makes my day waking up to see new hits and messages off people letting me know what they thought, so thank you. <3  
> (A tiny warning for another mention of Isak's mum's mental illness, slightly more in depth, but still not massively in detail yet.)  
> Enjoy!!

Once the adrenaline had worn off, Isak realised how utterly freezing he was. His teeth were clattering together, and he was shivering so violently that he could barely move his legs properly as he and Even made their way to his flat. Isak was endlessly grateful that it was a Friday night - it meant that Noora was at Eva’s, and Eskild had gone out and would no doubt not be back until the early hours of the morning, if he even bothered coming back at all. Sometimes he’d leave on a Friday night with a bottle of wine in one hand and a sly grin on his lips, and not return until Sunday, looking like death warmed up as he nursed a cup of coffee. Linn was home, but she was in bed, and it would take nothing short of a worldwide disaster to convince her to leave her room. Isak knew that Eskild would be understanding, knew out of everyone, that Eskild would never judge Isak, not for this. But Isak would never hear the end of it if Eskild caught Isak sneaking a hot boy into his room in the early hours of the morning, and Isak just wasn’t ready to deal with that yet. Isak suddenly had a moment of panic as he and Even stepped through the doorway into the flat, kicking their shoes off. He’d kissed a boy - kissed _Even_ , specifically - and now Even was in his house, standing in the living room and looking around, tapping out a beat on his thigh. _What now?_  Thought Isak. He’d had been running on autopilot, been so full of want when he and Even had kissed that he had no time to properly think about what was going on. But now that the fire in his veins had settled down and his heart was almost beating normally again, his brain began whirring.

 

“Tea?” he managed to stutter, shuffling his way into the kitchen and keeping his eyes on the floor.

 

Even made an agreeable noise behind him, and Isak sighed, grateful for the distraction.

 

It’s not that he regretted kissing Even, _god no_ , not even close. But this was a big jump, a leap from somewhere safe to somewhere unknown, somewhere that shook and crumbled beneath his feet, ready to collapse at any moment. Isak had never understood the way his friends would croon over girls, talking about the shapes of their bodies - all of their curves and soft edges. Kissing girls meant nothing to Isak, felt like nothing; at first he thought it was just _that_ girl, and he made up excuses for each one - that one wore too much lipstick, that one held on too tightly, that one’s hand didn’t fit right in his own. When Isak found himself thinking about Jonas the way that he’d heard his friends talk about girls, it had struck a fear in him that shook him down to to his core. He liked Jonas’ eyes, their brightness in contrast to the dark of his hair - which he liked too - the way it curled, and sometimes flopped over his forehead. He liked that Jonas always bit his lip just before he smiled, and that when he talked about something he really cared about, he would wave his hands all over the place, fingers splayed and eyes bright. Isak had been so scared, he’d felt so _wrong,_  felt like he was betraying Jonas somehow. Jonas was his best friend, and Isak couldn’t help but maybe want more, and so their friendship was false, because they could never quite be on the same level. Isak had reasoned with himself then - just because he maybe liked Jonas more than a friend, didn’t mean he wanted to actually _be_ more than friends. Isak liked the look of a lot of guys, he could pick out certain features on them that made his heart squeeze ever so slightly, just like the way his friends could with girls. But he’d told himself that it didn’t mean anything, didn’t mean he wanted anything from them, because that would mean taking one more step into something he wasn’t ready to fully admit.

 

But now he’d made that step, and it felt so normal, so warm, so right, that it scared Isak even more than if it had have felt wrong. When they were outside, in the enveloping quiet of the night, Isak has sort of felt like he was in a dream. But now, in the too bright lights of the kitchen, and with the mugs clinking together noisily in his hands, what was happening was very real, and so was Even, stood there, watching him.

 

“Are you okay?” Even asked quietly. He was stood at the other end of the kitchen, leaning against the counter and watching Isak as he moved to pour the boiling water into the mugs, his face full of concern.

 

Isak thawed a little at that. Even expected nothing of him; every touch so far had been reassuring, every smile soft and careful. That was another thing that scared Isak - how quickly Even had become in tune with Isak’s thoughts.

 

“Of course!” he replied, perhaps a little too cheerily. He handed Even’s mug to him before making a beeline for his room, hoping it was a least a little bit clean. Last week, he’d found the remnants of some toasties under one of his shirts that he and Jonas had made when they were high. The abandoned toasties were barely food anymore when rediscovered, because they’d been there for over a month, and were completely covered in green fungus and dribbling yellow goo that Isak had cursed and complained about as he hurried the food, plate, and his contaminated shirt, to the bin.

 

Isak’s lips and nose still felt numb from the cold, and his fingers and toes were stinging from the sudden change in temperature, so the minute he got to his room he put his own mug down and dove onto his bed, bundling himself up into a cocoon, wrapping the duvet around his shoulders and sighing happily as the warmth seeped into him.  
Even was stood in the doorway, smiling fondly at Isak as he took a few sips of his drink before setting it down right beside Isak’s.

 

“Any room for me?” he asked, pulling his lopsided hat off of his head, along with his coat. His hair was sticking up at every angle, and his cheeks were still red, frostbitten on their walk home. Isak’s heart did a spectacular flip as he edged himself sideways and opened up one arm, making space for Even in his cocoon.

 

Even fit into Isak’s side easily, sighing with relief at the warmth as Isak had just moments before. They propped themselves up against the wall, the duvet around their shoulders, and Even’s hand found Isak’s so that he could twine their fingers together once more, both of them slowly defrosting bit by bit.

 

They never ran out of things to say. They were still learning about each other, still discovering every inch of the other’s mind, and as they talked, the tension Isak was holding on to slowly ebbed away along with the cold. He wished he could just turn his brain off, stop himself from thinking so hard about everything, but that was impossible. What he could do though, was throw himself into the moment he was in, with a kind, sleep soft boy sat beside him talking excitedly, his eyes glittering as he kept a tight grip on Isak’s hand. Isak was comfortable and he was happy - how could this be wrong?

Isak wanted to kiss Even again, wanted to feel the sparks that had lit him up before, but the cautious side of his mind held him back. What if it was just a spur of the moment thing, a mix of the stars and the glowing lights and the secrets that the early morning held?  
Even seemed to notice that he was being stared at, and he turned to look at Isak, smiling softly. Isak tilted his chin, eyes flitting down to Even’s mouth and back to his eyes, returning Even’s smile. He edged himself forward ever so slightly so that their noses bumped together, and Even seemed to get the message. Even turned himself and brought his free hand up to cradle Isak’s face as he kissed him, and Isak sighed into it, melting. The fire wasn’t there anymore, the desperation was gone, but it was replaced with something much better. It felt so natural already, so warm that it made his skin prickle. It felt familiar - like coming home after a long day, like getting to finally rest aching bones, like getting to breathe again, after far too much time spent suffocating.

 

After a long while kissing, talking, exploring, the fact he hadn’t slept was slowly catching up with Isak, and his eyes started to droop as he settled his head on Even’s shoulder with another sigh.

 

“Tired?” Isak heard Even say, and he could hear the smile in his voice.

 

“Me? Of course not,” Isak scoffed, but the way his words slurred made it very obvious he was lying. He didn’t want to sleep, not yet.

 

Even let go of Isak’s hand to instead move his arm around Isak’s waist, fingers trailing the exposed skin of his hip, making Isak shiver. Even scattered kisses across the top of Isak’s head, hiding them in his hair, and Isak smiled to himself, letting his eyes flutter shut. They sunk down the wall together so that they were both laid down, and as Even laid on his back Isak settled his head onto Even’s chest, listening to the dull thud of his heartbeat and the gruff rattling of his voice when he spoke.

 

“Aren’t you worried about what your parents are going to say when they find a strange boy in your room in the morning?” Isak looked up to see Even was waggling his eyebrows comically, a sly grin on his face, and Isak couldn’t help but laugh as he rolled his eyes.

 

“No, because I don’t live with my parents. I share this place with a few people.” Isak moved to sling his arm across Even’s middle, chin propped on Even’s chest so he could watch his expression.

 

Even’s smile immediately faded, a wrinkle forming between his brows.

 

“You’re seventeen, Isak. Why are you already living away from home?”

 

Isak really did not want to get into this conversation right now, but he knew it was bound to come around at some point, and maybe that moment, with the hazy morning sun slowly starting to seep into the room just before the world came back to life, was the best moment for Isak to just get it over and done with.

 

“My parents don’t give a shit about me. My dad left when I was sixteen, and my mum is barely a person anymore. I couldn’t stay there with her, it was too much,” Isak cursed himself for his throat getting clogged up and his voice cracking on the last word. He hid his face in Even’s shirt and took a deep breath, wondering if the guilt would ever go away, if he’d be able to talk about his mum with pride and love instead of sadness and regret one day.

 

Even began drawing shapes across Isak’s back, in big long swooping patterns that went all the way up to his neck, and then back down to the base of his spine, and Isak put his breathing in time with the ups and downs of Even’s invisible drawings.

 

“Is your mum sick?” Even asked, and then added, quietly.  
“Don’t answer that if you don’t want to.”

 

Isak nodded against Even’s chest.

 

“She has something wrong. In her head, I mean. She’s been like this since I was young, but it got so much worse these past two years. She won’t get help, and my dad gave in eventually. He left, and I stayed for a while longer.”

 

The day Isak left home was in the middle of the night, when his mother had gone from scared, pleading, and crying, to angry and full of fire. Isak had plates and mugs and glasses thrown at him from across the room whilst he tried to calm her down, tears of his own filling up his vision. He watched his mum, always so kind and calm, now with pale white skin and sunken in eyes as she tugged at her hair and sobbed until her voice was hoarse, and Isak broke.  
He called his dad, telling him he was leaving, and then walked out of the door with nothing but his phone and a bottle of his dad’s whisky. That was the night Eskild had found Isak, slumped over the bar of a club with too-bright flashing lights and too many swaying bodies surrounding him.

 

“I was just so tired. I knew that she was struggling, and it was worse for her than it was for me. But I just- I couldn’t be around her any more.” Isak was selfish, and he hadn’t been strong enough to help someone that he cared about, so he ran away and hid, just like he did with every other problem that came his way.

“She’s somewhere safe. My dad sent her somewhere so he didn’t have to take care of her either,” he added bitterly. Cowardice ran in the family, it seemed.

 

Even said nothing, he just wrapped his arms around Isak and shuffled himself down the bed until he and Isak were face to face. He gave Isak a squeeze, pressing a kiss to his cheek, his jaw, his temple, and his forehead, and Isak let out a contented sigh, shutting his eyes again and closing up the last inch of space between his and Even’s bodies.

 

Isak fell asleep just as the sun was fully up and casting gold across their faces, and until then they talked in hushed mumbles, words slurring and laced with sleep, and Even still drawing unseeable pictures into Isak’s skin. Isak had his head tucked under Even’s chin and his fingers knotted in Even’s hair, and he had never felt so safe. It was all very new, but Even seemed like so much more than anything else Isak had ever had. Isak had a good bunch of friends, and his flatmates were wonderful, even though he’d never tell them so, but Even was a whole other frequency, another sound-wave that Isak hadn’t heard until now. It threw an explosion of colours into Isak, like before had been mostly monochrome, and now slowly, bright blues, greens, yellows, and reds were bleeding in with the black and white, slowly blending together.

 

Isak had the best sleep he’d had in a long time. When he woke it was dark out again, and he could hear someone - probably Noora - pottering around in the kitchen, clinking pots together and humming under their breath. Isak stretched out; his limbs felt heavy and his head felt like it had been stuffed with cotton wool, which was why it took him an embarrassingly long time to realise his bed was empty. Isak sat up with a groan and squinted around the dull light of the room - his cheeks were hot and his body felt like a furnace from falling asleep wearing all of the layers he’d gone out in. Even’s backpack and coat had gone, along with his shoes which had been previously abandoned by the door, and Isak’s heart dropped. The rational side of him told him that Even just had to be somewhere - Isak had slept all day, so Even probably woke up before Isak and decided to head home. But the tiny, far too loud voice in the back of his mind was listing all of the things that he could have done wrong and caused Even to want to sneak out and never come back. As Isak moved himself to get off the bed and onto his feet, something crunched under his hand. There was a small note the size of Isak’s palm, crumpled up on the bed, and Isak held it up to his face, squinting as he struggled to read it in the dark. It was a drawing of two cartoon boys, sat side by side with matching smiles as they held hands and looked above their heads, and at the top of the paper was a smattering of inky dots, which Isak assumed were meant to be the stars. A short line of writing was scrawled messily across the bottom of the drawing, with a couple of words scribbled out and rewritten, and a doodled heart in place of the full stop.

 

 _“I had to go, I’m sorry. I’ll see you soon, starboy_ _♥_ _”_

  
Isak was so glad he made the leap, took the risk and kissed the boy whose eyes were full of stardust and whose smile was brighter than the sun. The ground beneath him was solid and no longer crumbling, and Isak hadn’t realised how heavy the weight had been on his chest until it was gone, and he could finally breathe again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The anger dissolved as quickly as it came, and Isak suddenly found himself on his knees, an overwhelming flood of grief rushing over him. He let out a wretched sob and buried his face in his hands, taking deep, shaking breaths to try and calm himself down."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this chapter is over twice as long as the previous chapter, and it's got a fair share of angst in it, so you might want to grab a drink and a snack before you start haha. I really wanted to get this chapter done, and done right, so I pretty much wrote it all in one sitting and was up until 3am finishing it because I have zero self control. Anyway, I hope you like this - keep on letting me know what you think, I love reading your comments!

Isak was still in a sort of haze when he went to meet his friends at the skate park the next day, his mind still relaying what had happened to him, and how much had changed over such a small amount of time. Of course, Jonas picked up on it almost straight away - sometimes Isak worried that Jonas was actually capable of reading Isak’s mind, since he often knew Isak better than Isak knew himself.

 

“What are you so happy about?” Jonas asked as he sat down heavily beside Isak on the bench, trying to catch his breath.

 

They were spending all day at the park, since it was a rare winter’s day in which the sun was shining, and it wasn’t so freezing that they all had to hurry inside to thaw out after just a few hours.

 

Isak just shrugged, trying to hide his smile in his scarf, and Jonas watched Isak for a while, searching his face for something. Eventually, Jonas shrugged too, mirroring Isak’s action from before, and his mouth curled up into a smile of his own.

 

“Whatever, I’m just glad you’re happy. You’ve been sad a lot lately, it’s nice to see you smile again,” it was an observation, not a judgement. Nothing Jonas said about Isak was ever a judgement.

 

Isak suddenly felt a pang of guilt - he and Jonas were meant to tell each other everything. Jonas used to know every bit of Isak, inside and out, but now Isak was holding things back, and he knew that was bound to hurt Jonas’ feelings, and their friendship.  
Isak just still wasn’t ready to tell Jonas yet, although he was almost certain that he and Jonas would be friends no matter what, he wasn’t prepared to put that to the test. Jonas meant too much to Isak to lose, and so Isak would keep this secret selfishly to himself, forever, if he needed to, if it meant he and Jonas could remain friends.

 

Isak nudged Jonas’ side and flashed him a grin.

 

“Things are….yeah. They’re good now,” he said quietly, and Jonas’ smile grew wider.  


“Has it got something to do with the fact you dropped off the face of the earth yesterday?” pressed Jonas. Isak had woken up Saturday night with ten missed calls and fifteen unread messages from Jonas, as well as a few from Mahdi and Magnus too. Isak had completely forgotten that he’d agreed to meet them that day for coffee, and the last text off Jonas was him threatening to break down the door to Isak’s flat to check he was still breathing if he didn’t start replying soon. Luckily, Isak managed to send a quick reply to Jonas, letting him know he was alive, before Jonas attempted climbing up the building to get into Isak’s room.

 

“I guess,” Isak said with another shrug. He’d told Jonas that he was sick and sleeping, but as always, Jonas knew that wasn’t the truth.  
“Anyway, stop being lazy. I thought you wanted me to get some shots of you on your new board?” Isak added with a laugh, poking Jonas even harder in his side.

 

Jonas rolled his eyes and groaned loudly as he hauled himself off of his seat, but Isak could still see the smile lighting up his face.

 

People filtered in and out of the park all day, using it as a congregation point to sit and laze around for a while since the weather was nice, but not once did Even show up. His friends did, mid way through the day when Magnus started complaining that he was hungry and that the reason he kept falling off was because his blood sugar was low - Mahdi kindly pointed out that Magnus kept falling off simply because he was a terrible skater, and no amount of food could fix that. Isak’s heart leapt in anticipation as he watched Even’s friends file in, and he tried not to be too disappointed when he didn’t see that familiar smile, but he couldn’t help the cold lump that had settled in his gut.

 

He’d text Even a few times through the day - more stupid facts about stars to make Even smile - but he’d received no replies. That was fine, Isak thought, he’d learnt quickly that Even was sometimes sporadic in his texting; he’d go from sending essays or eight texts in a row to not responding for hours or even days, then suddenly pick the conversation back up where they’d left off. It was hard to be rational, though, when that voice from before that was listing everything Isak could have done and said wrong was growing increasingly louder, almost screaming now, and Isak was having a hard time shutting it up.

 

Isak rolled his eyes at himself and set his phone down, taking up his camera instead and focusing on his friends, who had wide smiles and red faces as they competed with each other on their boards. Even was just busy, and Isak was being ridiculous and clingy - he was sure that he’d hear from him later. Mahdi came over sat by Isak for a while, whilst Jonas tried to teach Magnus something new, and they both laughed hysterically whenever Jonas had to walk away and take a few deep breaths because Magnus kept spectacularly getting it wrong, no matter how many times Jonas had explained it to him. Isak taught Mahdi how to use his camera, and Mahdi got some slightly out of focus shots of the sunset, grumbling whenever they didn’t turn out quite right.

 

“Urgh, you make this look so easy,” he muttered, handing the camera back to Isak in defeat.

 

“That’s because I’m a genius,” Isak replied with a smug grin, and Mahdi scoffed in response.

 

“You know it’s Mag’s birthday on Friday, right?” Mahdi said, waiting for Isak to nod before he continued.  
“There’s a third year Bakka party, and I know someone there, so I’m sure we can all get in. Are we okay to pregame at yours? I’ll get the beer.”

 

Isak grinned and nodded enthusiastically. Magnus had been excitedly talking about his birthday for weeks, and maybe nights out would be different for Isak now that he didn’t have to spend the whole time pretending, trying to find a nameless girl to hook up with. Maybe he could invite Even, Isak thought absently, since Even had gotten along with his friends so well before. They didn’t have to tell them anything, but maybe Isak would feel just that little bit braver, more secure, if he had Even with him.

 

Mahdi matched Isak’s grin, clapping him on the back.

 

“Excellent. Maybe Magnus will actually get to hook up with a _real_ girl this time, not just a fantasy one,” he joked.

 

Isak laughed, looking down at Magnus and Jonas - Jonas had his eyes closed and was massaging his temples, and Magnus was sat on the ground, cross legged and scowling.

 

“I think we'd better go rescue Jonas before he has an aneurysm,” said Isak, hopping off the bench and packing his things away. The sun was just going down, and with it the cold was beginning to set back in, sending shivers up Isak’s spine. Isak looked up to see clouds smudged across the darkening sky, meaning barely any stars could be seen. But he could still picture them all, exactly how they had been a couple of night ago as he’d told Even stories about the stars, and Isak’s life had begun to change for the better.

 

*

 

**Isak:**   
(15:04)   
Did you know that the biggest stars would engulf a whole planet?   
Saturn, specifically.

 

**Isak:**   
(17:23)   
And the light from stars take millions of years to reach earth   
So when you look at the stars, you’re looking back in time.

 

**Isak:**   
(20:45)   
Jonas managed that weird flip thing you were talking him through on his board and he did the most hilarious victory dance I’ve ever seen.   
I filmed it. The flip and the dance. I can show it to you, if you want?

 

**Isak:**   
(09:37)   
No school today?

 

**Isak:**   
(12:56)   
Mags was asking where you were at lunch. He said you’re a better listener than the rest of us. Today’s story was about him apparently banging some girl and then her mum. He’s so full of shit.

 

**Isak:**   
(13:17)   
I hope you’re okay ♥

 

*

 

Two days passed, and Isak still hadn’t heard anything from Even. He’d given up on texting - since Even clearly had no intention of answering - and instead relied on seeing Even at school, but he didn’t show up there either. It was like he’d dropped off the face of the earth, like Friday night had been an elaborate dream that Isak had made up, with just the little note Isak had pinned on his wall serving as the only proof it had actually happened. Isak was sure that Even was avoiding him; he had no idea why, but it was the only thing that made sense. He asked Even’s friends where he was, but none of them had heard from him either. The third school day sans Even came and went, and Isak had gone through their time together a million times, trying to figure out where he went wrong. Before, he’d thought back on it with a dreamy smile and tingles running across his skin from the memory of soft touches, but now he was relaying it on repeat, thinking ‘ _should I have done this?’_ or ‘ _I shouldn’t have said that’_ , and it was tearing him up bit by bit.

He snapped at Mahdi at lunch, when Mahdi made a joke about how grumpy Isak had been for the past week. Isak lashed out, and then immediately regretted it, mumbling an almost inaudible apology to his friend before getting up out of his seat and rushing away, avoiding the concerned glances behind him.

 

That night, Isak was wide awake. His mind was buzzing, and even though his eyes were burning and he was so exhausted that his bones felt as though they were made out of lead, he couldn’t sleep. Some time around two in the morning, Isak’s phone buzzed, and Isak sat up with a jolt, feeling a very strong sense of déjà vu.

 

**Even:**   
(02:12)   
I’m sorry I haven’t been around, I’ve had a lot of stuff going on.   
Maybe we should just stay friends. I think we rushed this a little.   
I hope that’s ok.

  


Isak read the text, then read it again, trying to make sense of it. Isak didn’t feel like it was rushed at all - he and Even had fallen into each other so easily that it just seemed right, like puzzle pieces slotting together. But clearly, Even hadn’t felt what Isak had - he didn’t get the butterflies, he didn’t see Isak in the light that Isak saw Even, all soft smiles and shimmering. Even’s heart didn’t do a leap whenever he met Isak's eyes, and now, Even regretted them being together. Isak knew it had been stupid to get his hopes up, to think that everything could just be perfect. He knew he shouldn’t have let his feelings get out of control, but hindsight was a terrible thing, and now all of the good that Isak had been feeling - all of the colour and warmth - had gone back to cold and black.

 

Isak slammed his phone down on the cabinet, perhaps a little too hard, and turned onto his stomach to bury his face in his pillow. Just as quickly as everything had seemed to be settling into place, it had all gone to shit again with a single text.

 

*

 

Thursday passed in a blur mostly, and whilst all of Isak’s friends were buzzing with excitement for the upcoming party, Isak could barely muster a smile. He’d get over it, he was sure, but right now it felt like he’d been carved out - hollowed. He’d spent so long feeling like a muted version of himself, underneath all of the layers he’d created to keep himself and his secrets safe, but then Even came along, and everything was suddenly at the highest volume. Isak hadn’t minded the fuzzy, cushioning quiet from before when he knew no better, but now that he’d known what it was like living in the moment with so much noise and colour, the quiet he’d gone back to was deafening and full of static.

 

Someone tapped Isak on the shoulder, and he spun around so fast he almost toppled over. As if summoned by his thoughts, Even was standing in front of Isak, a cautious smile on his face. Isak’s heart swelled, and he felt a little bit of that colour coming back and dancing on his fingertips - just _seeing_ Even again made Isak’s world get a little brighter. Even’s eyes were stony and dark, and his smile looked forced, and any happiness Isak had felt dissipated almost immediately. It was all too obvious how little Isak meant to Even, and Isak felt ridiculous for ever thinking otherwise.

 

“Hey!” Even said, far too cheerily.  
“How are you doing?”

 

Isak wanted to laugh. Even was acting as though nothing had happened between them, like they could go back to how they were before they’d spent the night in Isak’s bed, pouring their hearts out to each other. Isak stood up tall and lifted his chin - if this is what they were going to do, Isak could play dumb just as well.

 

“Good, yeah. Everything’s great,” Isak replied, with as much false cheer as he could manage.

 

Even’s mouth tilted downwards ever so slightly, his eyes dropping to the ground.

 

“That’s great. I’m glad,” Even took a deep breath before he looked at Isak again, and some of the coldness in his eyes had melted. He almost looked sad, Isak thought.  
“Listen, Isak, I-” Even began, but Isak suddenly realised he really couldn’t do this. He couldn’t stand in front of the boy he’d thrown his heart to, just to have had it thrown back in his face.

 

“I’ve got to go,” he muttered quickly, before hurrying past Even and out of the doors.

 

*

 

Eskild was always at his most attentive at the worst of times. Which is why when Isak came home from school that day, Eskild was sat at the kitchen table waiting for Isak to come home, with a mug of awful herbal tea already made and set out for Isak to drink. Isak tried to hurry past the kitchen, but Eskild called him back and patted the empty seat opposite him, giving Isak a stern face that told him there was no way he was getting out of this.

 

“Sit, little buddy. It’s time for an intervention,” Eskild said, before taking a sip of his own tea.

 

Isak snorted and rolled his eyes.

 

“An intervention? Why?”

 

“Because you’ve been mopey. Well, even more mopey than you usually are, and it’s bringing down the mood of the whole flat. So here I am, your wonderful guardian angel and life-advisor, here to listen to your woes.”

 

Eskild leant forward in his seat and propped his chin in his hands, raising an eyebrow, and Isak squirmed under his gaze. He tried to think of some sort of lie, but his mind went blank. He could already feel himself deflating anyway - he’d been carrying not just the secret of himself, but the secret of Even too now, for too long, and this was his opportunity to talk about it with someone. Eskild was loud and obnoxious and crude, but he was also kind and patient, and he was one of the only people who had cared about Isak when he’d had no one to turn to.

 

“I-I was seeing….someone,” Isak took a deep breath. _A boy_ , he wanted to say, _I kissed a boy_ , but the words wouldn’t come out.

 

“Would that _someone,_ be the ridiculously pretty boy that snuck out of your room in the early hours of Saturday morning?” Eskild asked calmly, and Isak balked.

“I passed out on the sofa Friday night. He stubbed his toe on something as he was leaving and woke me up,” explained Eskild. He gave Isak a reassuring pat on his hand, and smiled.  
“He’s nice, handsome. What’s his name?”

 

“Even. He’s a third year at my school.”

 

Eskild nodded, repeating the name under his breath, then his smile grew wider as he patted Isak’s hand again.

 

“Look at you! Your first time hooking up with a boy, right? And you managed to find an older man that has serious potential to be a model. Is he boyfriend material, too?”

 

Eskild’s sly grin immediately faded when he noticed Isak’s pained expression.

 

“I’m sorry. Was it...not good?”

 

Any other time, Isak would have groaned and told Eskild to stop interrogating him. But he hadn’t realised how much he needed to talk to somebody about this until that moment, and Eskild was probably Isak’s best chance at making sense of this.

 

“Well, _I_ thought it was,” Isak mumbled, and Eskild made a noise, prompting Isak to continue.   
“We spent a lot of time together, I was out with him all night. We kissed, a lot, then we came back here-”

 

Eskild raised an eyebrow at that, his mouth setting into a concerned line, and Isak rolled his eyes.

 

“We didn’t _do_ anything, not like that,” he said tiredly.   
“But I thought, maybe...I thought he liked me.” Isak’s voice cracked slightly, and Eskild tutted, giving Isak’s leg a nudge with his foot under the table.  
“But he left, and then he sent me this bullshit message saying that things had gone too fast and he just wanted to be _friends,_ ” Isak spat bitterly.

 

Eskild scowled at that.

 

“What an asshole. I take back what I said about him being handsome.”

 

That managed to get a smile out of Isak, and Eskild smiled right back, placing his hand over Isak’s and giving it a squeeze.

 

“Listen, if he’s messing you around, he’s not worth your time. But you really like him, right? You think he’s a good guy?”

 

Isak nodded. Even wasn’t a bad person, Isak could never hate him.

 

“So maybe he’s just going through some stuff right now, and it made him do what he did. He’s still an asshole for it, but all I’m saying is that maybe there’s a reason.”

 

With that, Eskild stood up and ruffled Isak’s hair whilst Isak tried to bat him away, before grabbing their empty cups and taking them to the sink.

 

“You are an endlessly grumpy smelly teenager, Isak. But I know how soft and sweet you are really - you don’t fool me,” Eskild flashed Isak a grin and winked, and Isak rolled his eyes, trying not to smile.

“Any boy would be lucky to have you.”

 

And just like that, Eskild knew that Isak liked boys, and the world wasn’t crashing down because of it. There had been no crying or shouting - just kind smiles and a chat over tea.  
The weight on Isak’s chest became just that little bit lighter.

 

*

 

Isak half considered cancelling the pregame and ditching his friends so that he could wallow for a little while longer. But Magnus had been so excited about it all, and maybe Isak would be grateful for the distraction, and the opportunity to get very, very drunk.

His friends turned up with bag fulls of beer and matching shit-eating grins, and despite himself, Isak found himself grinning too. Magnus was wearing a ridiculous bright pink glittering party hat, as well as a large badge on his chest that said ‘ _Kiss me, it’s my birthday_ ’, and he was already considerably drunk when he arrived. Isak, Mahdi, and Jonas played rock paper scissors over who would have to carry Magnus home at the end of the night.

They sat and talked and laughed and drank, and Isak started to feel a little more human again. His lungs felt less tight every time he laughed, and even though his heart still felt like it was being weighed down, the mixture of the alcohol and his friend’s infectious happiness helped him more than he’d thought it would.

 

The party was already in full swing when they got there; loud booming music, light, and the hum of a hundred conversations pouring out of the open front door. As the boys walked in, a few people stumbled out, shouting and screaming with half empty bottles of wine clutched in their hands, and the hairs on Isak's arms stood on end with anticipation. Magnus whooped and headed straight in, with Mahdi following faithfully in tow, and Jonas shot Isak a grin before wandering into the crowd himself. There were bodies everywhere, bumping into Isak and pulling him like a wave through the mass of people filling the all too small house. Isak let himself be carried, the music vibrating through his bones and his heart thumping in time with the beat.

 

Isak looked around the crowd for his friends who had been pulled away from him in the sea of people, and he was grateful that he was a few inches taller than most, so he could look around properly over all of the bobbing heads. Isak froze when he spotted an all too familiar smile, and suddenly, everything around him seemed to go quiet. Even was over by the wall, talking to someone excitedly with that stupid sparkling glint in his eye that Isak could see even from where he was standing. Isak was getting bumped from side to side by the people around him, but he could barely feel it.

 

Someone to Even’s right tapped Even on the shoulder, but Isak couldn’t tell who it was. He craned up on his toes to see, pushing himself through the crowd to get a little closer, like he couldn’t help himself. As Even moved, Isak saw the other person, who was grinning at Even with a matching glint as they took Even’s face in their hands - Sonja. Sonja had a hand on each of Even’s cheeks, stroking her thumb across his skin, and Even had his fingers wrapped around Sonja’s wrists, his grin having melted down into a small smile as she drew him in closer to her, her eyes fluttering shut.

 

Isak turned and pushed and shoved his way out of the crowd before he saw any more. His chest felt like it was about to crack open and spill out, and his throat was clogged with tears that he tried desperately to swallow down. He finally fought his way out and into the freezing cold of the night, and he stumbled as far away from the house as he could, vision blurred and breathing ragged. Anger bubbled and boiled up inside of him, searing red scorching through his veins. He was mad at Even, for being so good and kind and caring, then suddenly acting like Isak meant nothing to him, but mostly, he was mad at himself. He’d been so stupid, fell too quickly for someone that he should have _known_ would never like him. Isak was inadequate at best, he was apathetic and grumpy and he carried around a whole plethora of issues with him wherever he went - there was no reason for Even to ever really like him back.

The anger dissolved as quickly as it came, and Isak suddenly found himself on his knees, an overwhelming flood of grief rushing over him. He let out a wretched sob and buried his face in his hands, taking deep, shaking breaths to try and calm himself down. He was just so _lonely_ , so isolated and lost - he’d finally given in and allowed himself to feel - taken his guard down and took a risk - but now he was just left exposed, heartbroken, and lonelier than ever.

 

Isak jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, but he relaxed ever so slightly when he felt familiar fingers squeeze the muscle there - he’d recognise Jonas even with his eyes closed.

 

“Isak?”

 

Isak still had his head in his hand, but he heard the scuff of shoes as Jonas knelt down beside Isak, keeping his hand on Isak’s shoulder.

 

“I’m _fine,_ ” Isak spat. He couldn’t deal with Jonas right now.

 

“Isak, _talk to me,_ ” Jonas pleaded desperately. He sounded as though he was about to cry himself; his voice filled with concern.

 

Another sob ripped its way through Isak’s chest, and he moved himself to sit on the ground properly, rubbing his hands across his face.

 

“Whatever it is, I’m _here_ , Isak. We help each other, right? We get through stuff together.”

 

Isak kept his eyes on the ground, but he could feel Jonas’ eyes on him, watching, waiting.

 

“You can’t help,” he mumbled eventually. This was an unsolvable problem, one that spanned from the fact Isak couldn’t just be _normal_ and like girls instead of boys.

 

“Let me try,” replied Jonas instantly, without any hesitation.

 

Isak sighed and dared a look at Jonas, who was looking right back with earnest eyes and his brows knitted together, but his jaw set determinedly. Jonas was the problem solver - he always had been. He made plans, worked through issues bit by bit, and found ways to fix them

 

“There’s someone I like,” Isak began, going back to staring at the floor.  
“But they don’t like me back.”   


It was the understatement of the century - Even had made Isak feel things that he hadn’t felt before - made him come alive after such a long time of laying dormant, and then left him behind.

 

“Okay,” Jonas said slowly.  
“Do I know her?”

 

Isak barked a laugh and ducked his head.

 

“Him,” he whispered. It was almost inaudible, the quietest breath of confession, and Isak almost thought that Jonas hadn’t heard it.

 

Until.

 

“Oh, sorry. Do I know him?”

 

It was so matter of fact that Isak blanched and looked up to Jonas, blinking owlishly. Jonas just waited patiently, his face blank. No judgement, no hatred, no disgust - just Jonas.

 

“It’s um-,” Isak began, then had to take a deep, shaking breath.  
“It’s Even.”

 

There was a long pause; Isak trying to settle his breathing and wiping the stray tears from his cheeks, and Jonas sat by him quietly, thinking.

 

“What’s going on with you two?” he eventually asked quietly. He and Isak had instinctively moved closer to each other as they spoke, and now they were shoulder to shoulder, sat in the middle of a cold street with the faded noise of the party still going on behind them.

 

Isak snorted and shrugged.

 

“Fuck, I don’t know. We had a thing, he left, ignored me for almost a week, and then I see him hooking up with his girlfriend,” Isak knew he could never compete with Sonja, but Even’s kisses and gentle touches had been so full of promises that Friday night, that Isak had believed Sonja was a thing of the past.

 

Another silence, and Isak looked up to see Jonas was frowning and rubbing his chin - something he always did when he was thinking, and something Isak never failed to find endlessly endearing.

 

“That doesn’t sound like Even,” he said eventually, and Isak’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline.

 

“Are you suddenly an expert in what is and what isn’t Even?” he asked sourly.

 

Jonas rolled his eyes and bumped into Isak’s shoulder.

 

“No, idiot. I’m not excusing what he did, and if he _was_ playing you then I will break that asshole’s nose,” Jonas stuck his chin in the air and sniffed defiantly, and Isak couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto his lips.  
“But you were the one who convinced me that Even was a good guy, and you’re a pretty good judge of character. It just...doesn’t sound like him. Have you talked to him?”

 

It was almost identical to what Eskild had said, and there was that tiny little bit of hope again, trying to shine it’s way through. But it didn’t make any sense, why would Even spend a night peppering sweet kisses all over Isak’s skin, to go and kiss someone else just a week later?

 

“No. He’s been avoiding me,” Isak muttered.

 

“You need to talk to him, be honest about it. You can’t just bottle this up.”

 

Isak sighed, picking at a loose string on his jacket. Jonas was right, as always - Isak had to face this head on, even if only to give himself some closure so that he could get a chance to rebuild.

 

“You don’t have to face this alone Isak. You know that, right?” Jonas said softly.

 

  
Isak huffed and dropped his head onto Jonas’ shoulder, and Jonas gently rested his own head on top of Isak’s. They sat there in silence for a while, Jonas by Isak’s side - quietly and without judgement - as Isak carefully pulled the fragile pieces of himself back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the people that don't like angst - I'm sorry. This chapter was super important to me, and I've been planning it since before this story was even really a thing. Remember that this is from Isak's POV, and Isak is pretty pessimistic and often self depreciating (or that's how I see him anyway), so what he sees and thinks may not be exactly what happened. The sadness won't last for long guys, don't worry. <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was an incredibly surreal situation; Isak, laid on his stomach across his bed, talking with his friends about a boy he liked as if it were just another one of them having girlfriend problems. Isak never knew he could have something like this, and he was amazed by how normal it all felt."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to this chapter for being a battle from start to finish and giving me the mother of all headaches.  
> Thanks again to Shannon, for shouting at me when I complained and insisted I was giving up, and thanks to you guys for being so kind as always. <3

Jonas spent the night at Isak’s, and they sat in the dark of Isak’s room, Jonas listening in silence whilst Isak poured his heart out, finally explaining everything to Jonas like he’d used to do when they were younger. Isak told Jonas all about Even, about Sonja, about all of their time spent together and how much Isak enjoyed Even’s company. It hurt Isak all over again to talk about how Even had stopped talking to Isak, avoiding him for days, before going back to Sonja like Isak had never happened. Once Isak had caught Jonas up to speed, Jonas hummed thoughtfully, taking a sip of the beer that Mahdi had left in Isak’s room before they left for the party.

 

“It doesn’t make any sense. I mean, it sounds like he really liked you, and you said him and his girlfriend weren’t getting on well, right?”

 

Isak nodded, snatching Jonas’ beer off of him and taking a sip. Jonas just rolled his eyes and opened up a new can.

“He said they were ' _growing apart,_ ’” Isak muttered bitterly. They didn’t look very ‘apart’ to Isak.

 

“You should have maybe made sure that he’d broken up with his girlfriend _before_ you kissed him,” Jonas gave Isak a pointed look, and Isak glared right back.  
“But still, why would he go to all this effort with you, just to back to his girlfriend?”

 

Isak shrugged, tapping his fingers against his beer can.

 

“A joke? For fun?” he mumbled. Nothing else made sense. Isak had been clouded by his own feelings and not noticed until it was too late - Even was probably laughing about it with his friends now, how easy it had been to steal Isak’s heart.

 

Jonas reached forward and batted Isak’s head with a scowl.

 

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Jonas scolded. And yeah, Isak was hurting right now, but he knew Even wasn’t a bad person. He wasn’t vindictive or manipulative - he didn’t do this just to hurt Isak.

“You’re going to have to talk to him. It’s the only way you’re going to know for sure.”

 

Isak just shrugged. The thought of talking to Even again made his stomach do a somersault - what if Even had thought nothing of his and Isak’s time together, and he did things like kissing people in the middle of the night in empty skate parks often? It would mean Isak would end up being humiliated all over again.

 

“I think you should talk to Mahdi and Magnus too,” Jonas added quietly, and Isak balked.

 

“ _Why?_ ”

 

Jonas had caught Isak at his lowest, caught him off guard when Isak told him, and though Isak was glad that he did, thinking about telling his other friends made that fear rise back up again.

 

“Because it’s _you_. It’s a part of you, and you’ve been carrying this around on your own for too long. I know you - you bottle things up and then you get messed up over it,” Jonas spoke quietly, softly, as if Isak would bolt if Jonas said the wrong thing; maybe he would.  
“They’re not going to think of you differently, but this is you, and you shouldn’t have to hide anything from us.” Jonas looked pained when he said it, and Isak knew that he was already beating himself up for not knowing sooner so that he could help. Isak was just so full of gratitude to have someone like Jonas, who always knew just what to say.

 

It wasn’t like his friends _had_ to know, they’d gone long enough without knowing and it made no difference to them, but Jonas was right. After telling Eskild and now Jonas, Isak’s head felt that little bit clearer, and the weight on his chest was significantly lighter. But Isak knew that it may not be the same every time, and every new person would be like admitting it for the first time all over again.  

 

“We don’t know how they’re going to react. What if they hate me?” said Isak, eyes downcast.

 

Jonas scoffed.

 

“Fucking hell, you have _got_ to stop with that. They’re our _friends_ , why would they give a shit? If you don’t want to tell them, that’s fine, but don’t ever think that they’re going to hate you or anything even close to that if you did. Okay?”

 

Isak took a deep breath and nodded. He’d realised he couldn’t say it, couldn’t say that he was _gay_ , and the words rotted inside of him every time he didn’t manage to get them out. He’d told Eskild about a _someone_ , and Eskild had filled in the blanks. He’d edged a little further in his conversation with Jonas, telling him he liked a boy and not a girl, but still, admitting it fully was a whole other story. Once he said it, it was real, and there was no taking it back.

 

As always, Jonas read Isak’s mind.

 

“Just say it, no stress. You like Even. That’s just how it is. Done,” Jonas nodded and shot Isak a grin, which Isak returned easily.

 

Maybe things were still a mess; Isak was yet to face everything with Even, and just the thought of talking to Mahdi and Magnus made his heart race. But he wasn’t in this mess alone anymore, and if he’d have known how good it would feel to have someone by his side, he’d have told Jonas so much earlier.

 

*

 

“You guys are fucking assholes. Jonas, you were the one who lost rock paper scissors, but I _still_ had to drag this idiot home,” Mahdi muttered, jabbing a thumb in Magnus’ direction. Magnus just groaned, his head in his hands.

 

They had all congregated at Isak’s that next day; lazing around the flat, eating and playing video games. Magnus was nursing a rather spectacular hangover - he had a black eye and was still picking leaves out of his hair following an incident in which he tried to jump over the hedge surrounding the house, and had failed miserably. Mahdi was complaining about Isak and Jonas leaving him with Magnus, but as he told the stories of Magnus dancing on a table, and having to save Magnus from getting beaten up when he tried to hook up with a third year’s girlfriend, Isak could hear the fondness in his voice and saw the way he ducked his head to try and hide his smile.

 

Jonas was sat beside Isak, and Mahdi and Magnus sat opposite them, game abandoned since Mahdi kept winning and the rest of them had given in. Jonas' eyes were boring into the side of Isak's head, but Isak ignored it, because his palms were clammy and breathing was a lot harder than it should be just _thinking_ about their imminent conversation. He knew it would be fine, logically, he knew. He also knew he had Jonas there as his pillar, there to defend him regardless of the outcome, but still, he found himself choking up whenever he tried to speak.

 

“Where did you two go, anyway?” Magnus mumbled into his hands. He was still wearing all of his clothes from last night, badge and lopsided party hat included.

 

“Isak didn’t feel good, so we came back here,” Jonas answered before Isak had to think of a lie, and Isak shot him a small, grateful smile.

 

“You missed a good one,” Mahdi said wistfully, and Magnus made a noise of agreement beside him, followed quickly by another pained groan.

“Actually Isak, that girl - Emma. She was looking for you last night,” Mahdi added, giving Isak a sly grin and kicking his foot. Isak only just resisted the urge to grimace.

 

“Oh yeah! She came over and asked us where our ‘cute friend’ was. I remember that part!” Magnus said proudly, pulling his head out of his hands and wincing at the light of the room.

 

“Are you two a thing now?” asked Mahdi, and Jonas and Isak made a strangled noise simultaneously.

 

“We hooked up once, _weeks_ ago,” Isak scoffed. He could feel Jonas’ eyes on him again, and he knew why. This was his chance.

“Actually. Uh. I am- I _was_ , kind of seeing someone else,” managed Isak, keeping his head down. Jonas edged closer to Isak so that their shoulders were touching, and Isak took a deep, calming breath.

 

Magnus and Mahdi made matching noises of interest, and Magnus leant forward to punch Isak’s leg, grinning.

 

“You kept that quiet! Is it that blonde first year girl you said you liked?”

 

“No, not her.”

 

“Is it the second year girl that you shotgunned with? She was hot.”

 

“No. Mags, listen-”

 

“Oh! I know! What about the-” Magnus was silenced when Mahdi punched him hard in the shoulder, and Magnus wailed, glaring at Mahdi.

 

“If you shut the fuck up for five seconds, Isak will get a chance to actually _tell_ us who it is,” he said, exasperated.

 

They both turned to him, looking expectant, and Isak froze under their stares. Jonas edged closer still, and Isak tried to swallow down the lump in his throat.

 

“I mean, we’re not a thing anymore. I don’t know if we ever _were_ a thing, but we hooked up and then everything went to shit, and-”

 

Isak was interrupted by Mahdi, holding his hand up, eyebrows raised.

 

“Who are you talking about?”

 

Isak opened and closed his mouth a few times in an aborted attempt at speaking, before shutting his eyes and taking in another deep breath.

 

“Even.” he said it as he exhaled, keeping his eyes shut for a few seconds longer.

 

When he opened them, both Mahdi and Magnus were staring at him, jaws slack.

 

Mahdi recovered first, his face splitting into a grin as he reached forward to high five Isak. Not a word was said between them, but Mahdi gave Isak a pointed look as he smiled at him, and it made Isak feel immediately at ease.

Mahdi was often quiet, and he was the one who tended to sit back and listen rather than speak. He was smart and opinionated, but he preferred to take in the world around him, rather than talk over it. Isak appreciated his muted intelligence, and how it seemed to be that he always knew the right way to react to something.

 

“ _Even?_ ” Magnus suddenly exclaimed, making Isak jump. He’d forgotten the battle wasn’t over just yet.  
“You hooked up with _Even Bech Næsheim_?”

 

Isak nodded woodenly. Magnus looked positively shaken; he was leant forward with his eyes wide and one hand in his hair. Something else seemed to click in Magnus’ mind then, and his jaw dropped once more.

 

“Wait, what the fuck. You’re _gay?”_

 

Isak flinched at that, instinctively shrinking back, even though there had been no venom in Magnus’ voice.

 

Before Isak could even consider a coherent answer, Mahdi punched Magnus in the arm again, at the same time Jonas kicked him in the leg.

 

“Ow! What? It was a legitimate question, right?” Magnus looked back to Isak, still waiting for an answer.

 

Isak managed to nod, once, and then pull his shoulders up to his ears, hoping it would be enough. Magnus nodded back, then his face suddenly darkened, and Isak panicked for a second, until -

 

“How is it fair that you manage to get hot girls _and_ hot boys?” Magnus whined.

 

There was a beat of silence until Jonas snorted, and then they all collapsed into a fit of hysterical laughter. Isak felt joy bubbling up his chest and out of his mouth in the form of high pitched gasping giggles that made his eyes water, and Jonas dropped his head on Isak’s shoulder, laughing just as hard. Isak laughed and laughed at the ridiculousness of it all, and he revelled in the feeling of being so free and comfortable. Things were okay, _he_ was okay.

 

*

 

“Jonas is right, you have to talk to him.”

 

Isak had caught his other friends up to speed, giving them a slightly more diluted run down than he had with Jonas, and they were all sprawled about his room discussing it. It was an incredibly surreal situation; Isak, laid on his stomach across his bed, talking with his friends about a boy he liked as if it were just another one of them having girlfriend problems. Isak never knew he could have something like this, and he was amazed by how normal it all felt.

 

“I never knew Even was such a player. Hooking up with you whilst he still has a girlfriend, that’s impressive,” said Magnus, sounding worryingly wistful.

 

Jonas tutted and rolled his eyes.

 

“It’s not impressive, idiot. He needs to decide what he wants and stop fucking people around. I mean, he should definitely break up with his girlfriend,” Jonas nodded towards Isak and gave him a small smile, which Isak couldn’t help but return.

 

“He said things went too fast between us, that he just wanted to be friends,” Isak reminded them all. As much as he loved that they were all in his corner, he knew that it was out of loyalty to him. They’d never met Sonja, they didn’t see the way she and Even had looked at each other at the party.

 

“That’s bullshit. He’s clearly into you,” Mahdi said, matter-of-factly, and the other boys stared at him.

 

Mahdi just shrugged.

 

“I’ve only seen you two together a few times, but he looks at you like the sun shines out of your ass. When he sat with us for lunch you talked to him for fifteen straight minutes about different settings on your camera, and he acted like you were telling him the secrets of the universe.”

 

Jonas and Magnus threw their heads back and laughed, but all Isak could do was carry on staring at Mahdi, bewildered. Mahdi just grinned right back.

 

“You know there’s only one way to find out what he wants, Is,” said Jonas once he'd sobered, earning noises of agreement from the other two boys.

 

Isak made a face, but he knew Jonas was right. He was avoiding confronting Even because he knew it had the potential to ruin any small shreds of hope that Isak had left. Even would tell Isak he didn’t feel the same for Isak as Isak did for him, and that would be the end of it. At least, in this moment, with everything still up in the air, Isak could desperately cling to that hope - keep a little bit of fantasy in the corner of his brain.

 

He couldn’t hold on to that forever though. He needed to talk to Even, even if it was bound to make him miserable.

 

*

 

When Isak couldn’t sleep again that night, he pulled his phone off the cabinet and stared at the last text Even had sent him.

 

 **Even:**  
(02:12)  
I’m sorry I haven’t been around, I’ve had a lot of stuff going on.  
Maybe we should just stay friends. I think we rushed this a little.  
I hope that’s ok.

 

He thought back to all of their time spent together, how much they’d laughed and smiled and talked endlessly, neither getting bored in the other’s company, even after hours together. Isak would miss that, but he knew that they couldn’t just be friends. Isak’s heart had become so full around Even; Even had made him into an entirely different person. Even had made Isak feel _so much_ , and Isak couldn’t bare just being friends, as selfish as it was.

Isak sighed and typed out a reply. He needed to shut this door behind him so that he could maybe move on from it, and just leaving it with an ambiguous text hanging in the air and endless days of avoiding each other wasn’t the right way to end it.

 

 **Isak:**  
(01:34)  
I don’t think I can just be friends.

 

There was so much more he wanted to write; _I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough, I’m sorry I can’t just get over this to be friends, I wish we’d have met in a different universe so we could do this differently_.

 

The reply came almost instantly.

 

 **Even:**  
(01:35)  
I’m so sorry, Isak.

 

Isak sighed and let his phone drop to his chest, eventually falling into a restless sleep, not noticing when his phone buzzed once more.

 

 **Even:**  
(01:45)  
I miss you.

 

*

As was their routine, Isak and his friends spent their Sunday at the skate park. Isak brought along some schoolwork he had no intention of doing, but bringing it made him feel at least slightly productive. He brought his camera, too, because it was a beautiful day where the frost from the night before had lingered and made everything sparkle brilliantly underneath the winter sun.  
They spent most of the morning alone, tinny music blaring out of Magnus’ phone speakers and them all making the most out of the empty park until the ice started to thaw underneath the glare of the sun, and more and more people began to file through the gates. Isak couldn’t help but be a little on edge every time someone walked in; he knew Even and his friends tended to spend most of their time in the park on a Sunday too, and he also knew that he couldn’t just avoid Even forever, no matter how much he wanted to. He didn’t understand the last text he’d gotten from Even; ‘ _I miss you’._ Had he been drunk? Did he mean he missed Isak in the way Isak missed him, or just his company?

 

Once again, as if Isak had made him materialise with just his thoughts, Even came through the gates with his friends. His smile faded when he met Isak’s eyes, but even still, just seeing him made every one of Isak’s nerves stand to attention. Jonas came over and sat down beside Isak, giving him a nod. Jonas had spotted Even too, it seemed, and though Isak rolled his eyes, he was grateful to have Jonas by his side. Even immediately made a beeline for Isak, and as he stood in front of the bench, Isak felt Jonas bristle next to him. Even rocked back and forth on his toes, eyes flitting from Isak, to Jonas, then back to the ground - vibrating with nervous energy. They mumbled hello’s to one another, and Isak could see Mahdi and Magnus behind Even, hovering nearby and watching Isak carefully.

 

“Can we talk?” asked Even quietly, head tilting towards the gates, and Isak paused and took a breath before nodding and hauling himself up. Isak turned to nod at Jonas whilst he grabbed his things, and he saw Jonas shoot Isak a thumbs up as Isak and Even headed out of the park.

 

They wandered around the corner and down one of the empty alleyways nearby, so that they were alone and away from prying eyes. Isak leant against the wall, trying to keep his eyes level and his face blank. He hated how much of an effect Even had on him, how his heart was hammering and how his lungs felt tight - he wondered if it would ever pass, though he was almost sure it never would.

 

“I’m sorry,” Even said. He leant against the wall too, facing Isak and watching him carefully.

 

“For what?” Isak felt that anger rising up again, much less intense than before, but it at least gave him a little bit of bravery.  
“For avoiding me? For kissing me and then going back to your girlfriend?”

 

Even’s eyes went wide for a second, and then his eyebrows knitted together.

 

“What do you…?”

 

“I was at the Bakka party on Friday too. I saw you and Sonja,” Isak snapped raising an eyebrow, challenging Even to try and lie. The realisation suddenly dawned on Even, his face switching from confused to sheepish. Isak thought he was going to deny it for a second, but instead, he sighed and edged forward into Isak’s space. Even reached out for Isak’s hand, and then thought better of it, letting his arm drop back to his side.

 

“Isak,” Even sighed, his face softening.  
“I didn’t kiss her, if that’s what you think you saw.”

 

Isak frowned, his face scrunching up with confusion.

 

“But I saw you two…” his voice faded out. He _had_ seen them, he’d replayed it in his mind countless times - Sonja with her thumb stroking Even’s cheek, and Even clutching onto her wrists.

 

“You saw me doing her a favour. She had a really creepy guy following her around, so she asked for me to pretend that we were still together. I didn’t kiss her though, I couldn’t do that.”

 

Isak was still frowning, dumbstruck.

 

“I broke up with her after we had that talk in the coffee shop. It wasn’t fair to her, or you.”

 

They’d gravitated even closer to each other as they spoke, and when Isak looked up, Even was so close that he went sort of blurry in his vision. Isak’s breath stuttered.

 

“Why would you do that?” Isak’s head was full of fog, clouded with muddled thoughts that all knotted their way back to Even somehow. None of it made sense. After that text, Isak just assumed that Even would go back to Sonja and the world would start turning again - the world that Isak knew all too well, the one in which everyone else got to be happy, and Isak went back into hiding.

 

Even hooked his finger under Isak’s chin to tilt his head up. His eyes were positively rippling as he watched Isak’s face carefully.

 

“Listen, that text. It wasn’t anything you did, it’s _my_ problem that-”

 

Isak interrupted with a snort, stepping back and out of Even’s grasp, he had a moment of pride that he had at least some semblance of self control, even though his whole body was screaming to be as close to Even as possible.

 

“Are you _seriously_ giving me the _‘it’s not me, it’s you’_ speech?” He spat.

 

Even shrunk down at that, pulling his shoulders up and crossing his arms across his middle.

 

“Well, it’s _true_. I panicked. I’d been with Sonja for so long, and then I met you, and you’re-”

 

Even stopped and looked up to Isak. He still looked miserable, but his face had melted into that look, the one where Even looked at Isak as if he were something wondrous, the one that made Isak squirm under it.

 

“You’re amazing, Isak. You’re funny, and you’re kind, and a _really_ good kisser,” Even's mouth curled up into a sly grin at that, and Isak tried and failed to hide his smile, ducking his head as he felt the blush rise on his cheeks.

 

Even edged himself forward again, and this time Isak didn’t protest. He felt a hand on his cheek and his eyes fluttered shut of their own accord. The warmth from Even’s hand spread itself all the way down to Isak’s feet, making his toes curl.

 

“I haven’t felt anything quite like this, for anyone. Ever,” Even said, so quietly it was almost inaudible. Despite the quietest of confessions, when Isak opened his eyes Even was looking at Isak with an unwavering gaze, completely sure of himself. His eyes were full of earnest, and despite himself, despite that little voice trying to tell Isak that Even was lying, Isak believed every word.

 

Isak leant forward ever so slightly, until his forehead was rested against Even’s, and he heard Even let out a wobbling sigh.

 

“I haven’t either,” he whispered back, and he hoped Even understood the weight to those words. Even had opened up a whole other universe for Isak. He’d never known it was possible to feel this much before - to have a constant whirring explosion of colours and noise and fire that somehow made nothing and everything make sense, all at the same time.

 

“I’m sorry,” Even said again, tilting his head up to press his lips to Isak’s forehead.

“Can we try again?”

 

Isak should be careful. He should think about this, considering how much of a mess he’d been for the past week - his heart going from soaring to sinking so fast Isak was sure it had permanent damage.

But before he knew it, he was nodding. Even’s responding smile lit up his whole face, and Isak knew then that he’d do everything all over again, in the exact same way, if it meant he got to spend more time with Even.

  
Even rubbed his and Isak’s noses together, making Isak scrunch his face up and laugh. They stayed there for a while, holding each other close, breathing each other in again after their time apart, and Isak felt his heart start to fill once more - pooling with gold. It was just a start, a promise of a potential _something_ , but Isak would take it, no matter the outcome, because even just the tiniest bit of something was better than the all consuming nothing that Isak had grown so used to.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was strange how familiar Even seemed, how they fell back into each other so easily, like they’d known each other forever. There were warning bells in Isak’s mind, an alarm ringing, telling him to slow down, to be more cautious. But the alarm was always quickly silenced by Even’s lips on his own, or Even knotting their fingers together, or carding his hands through Isak’s hair."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Apologies for the slight delay - I knew I'd break my streak of posting every other day at some point. Also, apologies to anyone that noticed I posted and then deleted this chapter earlier today, I was having trouble with the formatting and only half of the chapter was posting. Hopefully that's resolved now, but sorry if anything looks a little strange.  
> Anyway, here's a whole lot of happy for you. Enjoy :)

 

“You’re very distracting, you know.”

“Mhm. You’re not exactly complaining.”

After their talk, Isak and Even had found their way to Isak’s flat once more, and they’d gone straight back to how they’d been before all of the drama. After hours of them just revelling in each other’s company, curled up in Isak’s bed together with not a single inch of space between them, Isak had insisted that he needed to do some school work, since he had at least three assignments due imminently that he hadn’t even looked at yet.  
That had been Isak’s intention anyway, but Even was sat next to him, leaning heavily into his side and peppering kisses all across the side of Isak’s face and neck as he drew pictures into Isak’s forearm with his fingers. Isak read the same sentence six times before finally giving in with a groan, turning to scowl at Even.

“If you’re going to be bad for my grades, we can’t be together,” Isak deadpanned. Even just carried on smiling smugly.

“That’s a shame,” he said quietly, slyly. He was fiddling with the hem of Isak’s shirt, and Isak was struggling to breathe.  
“I suppose it was good while it lasted.”

Even went to move away, but Isak hooked his hand around Even’s neck, keeping him close as he shoved his books off of the bed with a satisfying thump.

“I thought you said you had to study?” they were so close that when Even spoke, his lips brushed against Isak’s, and Isak could count each shade of blue in Even’s eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” replied Isak, threading his fingers through the wispy curls of hair at the nape of Even’s neck.

Isak could feel Even’s smile as he kissed him, and Isak melted into it easily, his free hand curling around Even’s waist as Even’s hand crept underneath Isak’s shirt and splayed across his skin, leaving goosebumps in it’s wake.

It was strange how familiar Even seemed, how they fell back into each other so easily, like they’d known each other forever. There were warning bells in Isak’s mind, an alarm ringing, telling him to slow down, to be more cautious. But the alarm was always quickly silenced by Even’s lips on his own, or Even knotting their fingers together, or carding his hands through Isak’s hair.

Isak’s phone buzzed, and then buzzed again. Once it had buzzed seven times in quick succession, Isak groaned and untangled himself from Even to reach his phone, and Even made do with not being able to reach Isak’s lips anymore by instead propping himself up on his elbow to press kisses along Isak’s jawline, making Isak squirm and shoo him away whilst he tried to unlock his phone.

**Jonas:**  
(20:04)  
Did everything go okay?  
Do I need to come rescue you?

  
  
**Mahdi:**  
(20:05)  
I’m still out, you can meet me at the park if you need to.

  
  
**Magnus:**  
(20:05)  
Are you two still fighting? Or are you banging?

**Jonas:**  
(20:06)  
Guys, I didn’t see them on the walk home. It’s been like, nine hours. Do you think he’s okay?  
Maybe I should go round to his.

**Magnus:**  
(20:07)  
They’re totally banging.

Isak rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help but smile fondly at his friends. He’d had no idea so much time had passed, and couldn’t understand how time with Even could be so syrupy slow and sweet, but still make an hour feel like just a second.

**Isak:**  
(20:07)  
I’m fine guys. It’s all good.

**Mahdi:**  
(20:08)  
He’s alive!!

**Jonas:**  
(20:08)  
I have your backpack. You left it behind.  
How did the talk go?

**Isak:**  
(20:08)  
Thanks.  
Good. He’s still at mine.

**Mahdi:**  
(20:09)  
Eyyy ;)

 

 **Magnus:**  
(20:09)  
See, I was right. Banging.

 

 **Jonas:**  
(20:10)  
Told you it would work out. :)

When Isak set his phone down and turned back to Even, Even had an eyebrow raised, an expectant look on his face.

“It was just my friends,” explained Isak, shuffling himself back down so that he and Even were at eye level again. He hooked his foot around Even’s calf and settled his hand on Even's side, fingers running up and down, counting his rib bones methodically.

“Does Jonas hate me again now?” asked Even, reaching forward to brush Isak’s curls out of his eyes.

Isak shook his head, and Even scoffed.

“I saw the looks he was giving me at the park, he definitely wanted to punch me.”

Isak giggled, remembering Jonas’ threat of breaking Even’s nose - Even wasn’t far off the truth.

“Well, you _were_ a bit of an asshole,” he muttered. Despite Isak’s joking tone, Even’s face dropped, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows as he shuffled closer to Isak, resting a hand on his cheek.

“I really _am_ sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you,” Even looked positively miserable as his fingers traced Isak’s face, his thumb running across Isak’s bottom lip.

Isak rolled his eyes and jabbed his finger into Even’s side, making Even yelp and grunt a protest.

“I was kidding, idiot. You’re here now, and you’re staying, right?” there was a little bit too much desperation in Isak’s tone for it to be joking. He was still waiting for something to go wrong like it had before, for Even to leave just as easily as he had the first time.

Even nodded enthusiastically, grinning.

“I’m staying in this exact spot until you get bored of me and kick me out,” he said, punctuating it with a kiss.

Like Isak would ever kick Even out. He wanted to stay like this as long as possible, in their bubble of contented quiet and warmth, just breathing each other in, savouring every moment.

When they broke apart again, Isak stayed close, his nose nudging Even’s cheek. Their chests were pressed so closely together that Isak could feel Even’s heart thudding slowly and rhythmically, almost in time with his own.

“Jonas was on your side actually. He was the one who insisted I had to talk to you.”

Even kept his eyes shut, but his mouth curled up into a smile.

“I like Jonas,” he said, and Isak hummed in agreement. Isak almost definitely didn’t deserve someone as good or as supportive as Jonas in his life, but he was grateful for him regardless.

“I mean it though. I want to stay here, with you, forever. Can we do that?” Even mumbled, his eyes opening so that he could watch Isak’s face.

Isak’s mouth curved into the tiniest smile, and he felt sparks zip through his body, lighting fuse after fuse in every part of himself that had previously been left dark and untouched.

He tilted his chin up to request a kiss, which he was immediately granted, and he gave Even’s hip a squeeze, nodding.

“We can.”

*

Isak woke and checked his phone the next morning, immediately spitting curses and flinging himself up out of his bed to try and find some clean clothes. He’d slept in and had less than fifteen minutes before the last tram for the morning left for school. Isak suddenly stopped hurrying around the room when his brain had caught up with him, and he realised that his bed was empty. His heart dropped down through the soles of his feet and the sadness almost doubled him over for a second. Even had stayed with Isak till he fell asleep, but once again, he hadn’t hung around to see the morning.  
Isak had half expected it; he knew that things had been too good to be true, that promises had been made too easily and nonchalantly, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Isak took a deep breath before going back to getting ready, his movements much more sluggish and stilted than before.

As Isak rushed past the kitchen, he mumbled a goodbye to Eskild who was stood in the doorway as he passed; he didn’t have time for Eskild’s sympathetic looks or one of his pep talks.

“Are you leaving without me?” a familiar voice from the kitchen made Isak skid to a stop, his socked feet slipping on the linoleum.

He took a few steps back to look into the kitchen, and sure enough, there was Even. He was leant against the counters facing Eskild, and was watching Isak, bemused.

Isak swayed on the spot for a second, mirroring Even’s expression as they both stared at each other, and Isak’s heart all but tried to explode out of his chest.

“I-uh,” Isak shrugged and tried to sound unphased.  
“I thought you’d left again.”

Even’s expression softened at that, guilt flashing past his features for a moment as he strode over to Isak and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Isak could feel Eskild’s eyes boring into the side of his head.

“Of course I didn’t leave,” Even mumbled quietly against Isak’s cheek, making Isak’s breath catch. Then Even took a step back, grinning and motioning to the plates on the counter.  
“I made us breakfast,” he added proudly.

Isak was so overcome with that feeling again - the pooling of molten gold spreading through his veins and gilding his heart - that he almost forgot that he was late.

“That’s amazing and you’re so kind, but have you noticed the time?” he said as he turned to grab his shoes, wobbling about on one foot whilst he tried to pull his trainers on. He heard Even swear under his breath and then he was by Isak’s side, putting on his own shoes and coat.

As they were about to leave, Even disappeared into the kitchen for a few moments whilst Isak stood by the door tapping his foot. When Even reappeared, he had something in his hand, and when Isak opened his mouth to ask what it was, a slice of toast was unceremoniously shoved there, making Isak splutter.

“You need to eat, and I’m not letting this go to waste. I don’t mean to brag but I’m definitely the greatest french toast maker in the whole of Norway,” Even beamed. Isak rolled his eyes and refused to admit that Even was definitely right.

Even grabbed Isak’s wrist and dragged him out of the door, calling out a goodbye to Eskild. Isak turned to wave, not missing the pointed nod and silent thumbs up Eskild gave him just before the door slammed shut.

They had to run to the tram stop, and both were breathless and laughing when they made it there with just a minute to spare. Even threw his hands up in the air and cheered, doing a ridiculous victory dance that made Isak laugh and cover his face.

“Did you not think to _wake_ me?” he complained. It still hadn’t quite sunken in yet that Even had stayed. Even had stayed the night and then woke up with Isak the next morning and waited, he even made them _breakfast_. Isak was sure that he was in a dream.

“You’re cute when you sleep,” Even said casually with a shrug, making Isak duck his head and blush.  
“Plus, you sleep like the dead. Not even an atomic bomb would wake you up.”

Isak scoffed and muttered a ‘fuck you’ to Even, and Even just grinned and leant in closer to Isak, reaching out for his face and tilting his head so that he could press their lips together.

Isak balked and ducked out of it, his skin crawling with the feeling of eyes being on him. It didn’t matter how comfortable he felt with Even, how right it felt - like finding a light in a dark room. Isak couldn’t quite shake off the years of being taught that what he was doing - who he really was - was wrong.

His parents never said it outright, but Isak heard it in the sermons they’d go to. The same people who would preach endless love, condemning a different kind of love to their own. He heard it in the joking comments his schoolmates made, even though they were said with humour, Isak still flinched at the venom each word was coated with. He felt it in the disgusted looks he saw people - strangers - in the street, give to people they didn’t even _know_ , just because of whose hand they were holding. Isak couldn’t bare it, having people staring at him and not knowing what they thought. He knew it shouldn’t matter; he was happy, so why should he care? But people thought that he was wrong, that he was a bad person because he was a boy who liked boys, and it made his chest feel tight and his breath come short, and every bad word and spiteful glance he’d ever heard and seen spin through his mind at high speed.

Isak turned his head away and took a step back from Even, eyes wide. Even’s smile faltered, just for a second, before he recovered and went back to grinning, taking a step back of his own. A flood of guilt washed over Isak then - Even didn’t need to deal with someone who couldn’t even bare to hold his hand in public, Even deserved better than that. But Even just carried on grinning; he didn’t look disappointed or angry, he just held Isak’s gaze and gave him the tiniest of nods, before carrying on their conversation as though nothing had happened.

As they got on the tram, Even rested his palm on the small of Isak’s back, just for a few seconds. It was the smallest reassuring gesture, letting Isak know that it was okay, that he was safe. Isak’s replying smile was small, but light spread through every inch of his body, and the heat of Even’s hand lingered through the whole ride to school.

Isak didn’t know if there could ever be a day where he could walk down the street with Even’s hand in his own, or a day where Isak could cuddle into Even, drunk at a party full of people, or when he could kiss Even as a greeting when they met before school. He wasn’t sure if he could ever shake off the tendrils of anxiety that wrapped mercilessly around his heart and lungs, the voices of other people’s hatred in his head. He couldn’t imagine a time where that would be gone and he could be happy and comfortable. He wished he could be brave, like Eskild, who didn’t care what people thought, and was always so unapologetically himself, no matter the consequences. Isak couldn’t even bear to admit who he was out loud.

As he and Even parted ways at the school gates, Even reached out and gave Isak’s arm a gentle squeeze, along with a soft smile that fogged up Isak’s head and got rid of all of the thoughts dripping black with poison for a few moments. Isak grinned right back, and that smile stayed with him the whole morning, enveloping him with warmth.

*

When Isak sat down with his friends for lunch that afternoon, he was greeted with three matching grins as they all watched him expectantly.

“We’re not discussing it,” he deadpanned, biting his lip to suppress his smile.

“Not fair! We helped you get your man back, you owe us details,” Magnus protested.

“You didn’t _help_ me with anything!”

“He doesn’t need to tell us anything anyway. That look on his face tells us everything,” said Mahdi, waggling his eyebrows. Jonas snorted.

“There’s nothing to tell,” said Isak, rolling his eyes and still trying desperately to hide his smile. He’d already been interrogated by Sana in biology as to why he was so happy at nine in the morning, when usually she could barely get a word out of him before eleven.

“Bullshit there’s nothing to tell,” scoffed Magnus, at the same time Jonas poked Isak in the ribs.

“Did he stay the night?” Jonas asked.

Isak rolled his eyes again but didn’t answer, earning a ridiculous chorus of cheers from his friends. Isak felt a hand on his shoulder, and then Even sat in the seat to his left, beaming at Isak. Isak couldn’t help but return the smile just as widely, and he could hear Mahdi and Magnus opposite him, sniggering under their breaths.

“Speak of the devil!” said Magnus cheerily, reaching over the table to high five Even. Even returned the smiles and greetings from the other boys, and when he settled back down he edged a little closer to Isak so that they were shoulder to shoulder.

“Oh, were you talking about me?” said Even, turning to raise an eyebrow at Isak, who could feel his cheeks heating up again.

“No,” protested Isak, at the same time his three friends chirped a chorus of “yes!” around the table, making Even laugh gleefully.

“I’m glad you sorted things out,” said Jonas, leaning forward so he could give Even a smile. The smile was a little reserved, and Jonas’ voice was tight with tension, and Isak knew that Even was going to have to prove himself a little more before Jonas trusted him again. Isak was lucky to have a friend like Jonas; whilst Isak jumped in head first, Jonas was always following behind him, ready to pick up the pieces - just in case.

“Yeah, we were sick of Isak being pathetic and moping over you,” added Magnus, making Mahdi laugh delightedly, clapping his hands together.

“I was _not_ moping,” muttered Isak indignantly. His friends, being the assholes they were, all scoffed and went into a very detailed description of just how mopey Isak had been.

  
Even laughed along, but reached under the table to that he could rest his hand on top of Isak’s, and Isak tensed for a few seconds, looking around the room to see who was looking his way. Everyone around him were in their own little bubbles, talking to their friends, and no one cared about Isak or the fact that Even’s hand was in his own. Even must have felt Isak tense up, because he quickly went to move away, but before he could, Isak took a deep breath and twined their fingers together. Even’s responding smile was so bright that it almost stopped Isak’s skin from crawling completely, and almost, almost, made his heart start beating normally again. Isak kept tight hold of Even’s hand under the table, and breathed in time with Even’s thumb stroking across Isak’s knuckles. Isak was secretly, quietly, holding on to Even’s hand in a room full of people, but the sun kept on shining, his friends carried on talking and laughing, and Isak kept on smiling.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was dizzyingly freeing, to finally have a person to be with that expected nothing from Isak, and Isak could allow himself to completely relax around Even. They had their lives - their school work and their friends and the skate park, but their time in Isak’s room tangled up together, sharing sweet kisses and stories from their day, was their own to keep, forever, if they wanted to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Can you believe we have a trailer now? I'm so overwhelmed and so excited to see Sana's season!! The trailer actually inspired a little part of this (I think you should be able to guess which part). I'm going to ramble on a little more in tags at the end, but for now, here's another heap of (mostly) happy for you - enjoy!!

  
Isak really couldn’t wait until winter was over. He was sick of the dark nights, sick of the way the wind bit at his skin and made it sting, sick of having to pile on too many layers just to stop his muscles from aching from the cold. His nose was running and the frigid evening air got stuck in his throat on every inhale as he and his friends made their way to the skate park together, hands stuffed in pockets and bodies hunched over against the breeze.

They all groaned in unison when the rain started to fall, and Isak shrunk further into his coat, grumbling about his stupid friends and their stupid hobbies for the seventh time that evening.

 

The park was illuminated by lamp-posts that cast everything in an dull yellow glow. Since they weren’t particularly strong lights, and there was always at least one broken no matter what, they only really lit up the bowl beneath them, meaning everything else around was put into complete darkness once the sun had set. It created an ethereal sort of bubble, consisting only of the small patch of space that the light touched -  an artificial tiny world made of weak sunshine, surrounded by night. As they all arrived, the last few people were filing out of the gates, hurrying away from the rain. One figure remained, rolling aimlessly around the middle of the bowl, lost completely in their small patch of light with only rain filling in the space around them.  
Even had dumped his coat and hat by the bench, despite the fact his nose, cheeks, and fingers were red and raw from the cold, and he was looking up to the sky, letting the raindrops roll off his face and coat his skin. His hair was plastered to his head and his eyelashes had clumped together, and he had a serene smile on his face as he held his hands up to catch a few drops in his palms. Isak dumped his bag once he made it to the bench and pulled his camera out, shielding it from the relentless downpour as he grabbed a few shots of Even before he was disturbed. It was one of those moment he felt obliged to immortalise, one that bloomed in his chest and made him want to be able to keep it forever. Just after Isak got the photos he wanted - the way the rain drops on Even’s skin were illuminated by the lamps over his head, making it look as though stardust had been scattered over him - Magnus shouted a greeting, pulling Even out of his reverie. Even immediately caught Isak’s eye and grinned at him, jumping off his board and hurrying over, pausing to say hello to each of Isak’s friends before he got to the bench.

 

“Hello you,” he said softly, dropping down on the bench with a sigh and pressing a cold kiss to Isak’s temple. His shirt was soaked through, clinging to his skin, and his sopping hair had flopped forward over his forehead, sending trickles of water down the bridge of his nose.

 

“Hi. Are you determined to catch pneumonia?” asked Isak, raising an eyebrow and purposefully dragging his eyes up and down Even’s sodden frame.

 

Even grinned, and Isak could have sworn that his lips were turning blue.

 

“I was already drenched before I got here, so I didn’t see the point in wearing a coat anymore,” he replied simply with a shrug. Even’s coat was on the ground and rainwater had collected in it, creating its own little pool, with Even’s hat floating miserably in the middle of it.

 

Isak rolled his eyes and stood up to shrug off one of his layers - he always wore one too many, and now he figured he was going to have to start wearing even more, just in case Even thought it smart to wear just a T-shirt and jeans in a downpour again any time soon. He handed his coat to Even with the most put upon sigh he could manage, trying to look angry but failing terribly when he saw Even’s delighted smile, and the way Isak’s coat sleeves barely managed to reach Even’s wrists.

 

“You’re so kind,” Even said, reaching forward to cradle Isak’s face in his hands. His fingers were icy cold, and when Even leant in to press their lips together, the water ran off of Even’s hair and onto Isak’s face, making him grimace and grumble a weak protest. Even just smiled against Isak’s lips and moved his hands down to bury them under Isak’s hoodie, making a small noise of appreciation at the warmth of Isak’s body.

 

“Did you only kiss me to try and steal all of my body heat off of me?” Isak broke the kiss and leant back a little, pushing Even’s sodden hair out of his eyes. It was only Isak’s friends in the skate park, and all of them were preoccupied on their boards, so Isak felt completely at ease when he pressed his and Even’s lips together once more, muffling Even’s responding snigger.

 

“Definitely. I’m only dating you so I can sap all of your warmth and sleep in your bed. Your bed is _so_ much better than mine.”

 

Isak tried not to react to the fact Even had said they were dating. It was so casual, and it made perfect sense that they were dating - Even had spent far too many hours in Isak’s bed for it to be considered anything else - but to Isak, the fact he was _dating_ Even felt monumental.  
Isak pushed Even away in mock outrage and scowled, but Even kept his hands curled around Isak’s waist, and Isak could feel the cold from Even’s palms bleeding through into his own skin.

 

“You’re awful,” he replied.

 

“The worst,” agreed Even solemnly, his hands creeping further up Isak’s rib cage. Isak shut his eyes and shivered, though he wasn’t entirely certain that he was shivering from the cold.

 

“Isak! Would you record this for me? I’m going to get it right this time, I swear,” Mahdi called, making Isak jump and almost topple off the bench - he’d all but forgotten his friends had existed for a few moments.

 

Isak caught a few videos and photos of his friends, the rain dancing around them in the light of the lamps, drenching them to the bone whilst their shoes squeaked and skidded on their boards and their breaths fogged up the air. Eventually, Even was shivering so badly by Isak’s side that Isak suggested they go back to somewhere warm before Even froze to death. He called out a goodbye to Mahdi, Magnus, and Jonas, before leading the way back to his flat with his and Even’s hands intertwined and stuffed into Isak’s coat pocket as they hurried down the empty street, squinting through the rain.

 

They immediately stripped themselves of their sodden clothes and bundled themselves up in Isak’s duvet, and Isak noticed how similar it was to their first night together. Except for this time, Isak had no hesitation when he curled himself up beside Even in his bed, trying to fight off the cold that had clung to his skin. Even buried his face in Isak’s hair and sighed contentedly, and Isak’s mouth curled up into a tiny smile as he shut his eyes and let himself have this moment, trying to take the feeling, bundling it up to save it in a corner of his mind so that he could keep it for whenever he needed it.

 

*

 

Even became a permanent fixture in Isak’s life and home so quickly, that Isak could barely remember a time when he didn’t walk into the kitchen on the morning to find Even dancing around the stove to a song on the radio, or when he wouldn’t spend his nights curled up with Even in his bed or on the sofa, watching one of Even’s favourite movies, or talking quietly, faces close and hands trailing patterns on each other’s skin. It was like a constant comfort, Even being in Isak’s life, it made everything - made _living -_ so much easier, and Isak couldn’t ever remember a time when he had been this content.

 

They were of course, still a secret to most of the rest of the world. School was not a nice place for most people who deviated from the norm, and Isak wasn’t ready to hear any of the rumours and spiteful comments, when he’d spent so long carefully crafting his image so that he could blend into the background easily. Even respected that fully, though he did often drag Isak into the bathroom in between classes for impromptu make-out sessions, which Isak wasn’t entirely opposed to anyway.

 

Their time at Isak's, in private, was their own. A time when Isak could be completely himself, no reservations or lies or pretences. He could revel in Even’s company as much as he wished, and Even seemed to savour their time alone just as much as Isak did. It was dizzyingly freeing, to finally have a person to be with that expected nothing from Isak, and Isak could allow himself to completely relax around Even. They had their lives - their school work and their friends and the skate park, but their time in Isak’s room tangled up together, sharing sweet kisses and stories from their day, was their own to keep, forever, if they wanted to.

 

There was a market that came almost every Sunday that was just over ten minutes from Isak’s flat, and Even had convinced Isak to leave his nest of blankets and go visit it with him. Isak made sure to groan and grumble dramatically whilst he got ready, but Even’s bright smile and bubbling laughter was definitely worth Isak getting up before nine in the morning on a weekend.

 

The market was full of colour and noise; most of the walls surrounding them had been spray painted with drawings and writing, making everything seem so much brighter and louder. The place was busy, but there was no rush about it - people were sauntering up and down what seemed like endless rows of tables and stalls, stopping and admiring everything they passed. Even and Isak walked side by side, glancing at every table, which were full of all sorts of things; from jewellery, to clothes, to art work, and food. Each table was unique, and so was each person stood behind it, selling their treasures. There were young girls, no older than Isak, and older men that hunched over their tables with shaking hands, to couples dressed in clothes so bright with colour that they almost blended in to the walls behind them. Isak was so glad that Even had convinced him to bring his camera, and the photos Isak got made the market look like a universe of its own, one that existed entirely separately to the dull and grey world just outside of it.

Even was full of delight as he zipped from table to table, marvelling at every item - especially the obscure artwork.

 

“It’s abstract!” he argued, holding up a black and white painting to Isak.

 

Isak snorted.

 

“It’s scribbles, even _I_ could draw that.”

 

Even burst into a fit of laughter, setting down the painting and moving across a table, picking something up and cradling it in his hands. He handed some money over to the small elderly lady dressed completely in lime green who was stood behind that particular table, before moving back over to Isak and standing in front of him, grinning.

 

“Close your eyes,” he commanded. Isak rolled his eyes but obliged, and he felt Even press something small and cold into his hand.

 

Isak opened his eyes and stared down at the thing in his hand, which happened to be a small enamel badge. It was a yellow heart that was so bright in colour that it was sort of blinding, and Isak’s own heart swelled and swelled until he could feel it in his throat.

 

Even looked almost bashful when Isak looked at him, mouth agape, and Even took a step forward so he could take the badge back out of Isak’s hand and pin it to his jacket, patting it down and smiling proudly once it was secured in place. Before Even could move away, Isak took a deep breath and reached forward to grab Even’s hand, tilting his head up so that he could press a small kiss to Even’s cheek. Even’s face split into the biggest grin Isak had ever seen, and they walked hand in hand down the rest of the market, under the sunshine and surrounded by colours.

 

They ended up buying far too many sweets, Even bought one of the obscure pieces of art that he’d had his eye on since the minute they got there, and Isak bought Even a new hat, since he’d ruined his the night it had rained. Isak pulled the hat onto Even’s head, giving a satisfied nod before turning and paying the girl stood behind it - she was young and smiling brightly, and was wearing a hat with woollen bunny ears.

 

“You’re so kind,” said Even, repeating his words from the skate park the previous night. He turned to grin at the girl behind the table, as he rested a hand on Isak’s shoulder.

 

“This is my boyfriend,” he said proudly, giving Isak’s shoulder a squeeze. Isak tensed ever so slightly, but the crowds were thinning out now, and the girl’s smile didn’t falter at Even’s comment, so Isak convinced himself to relax and revel in the fact that Even has just called Isak his _boyfriend_.

 

“How nice!” the girl said cheerily.  
“You make a good couple.”  
  
  
“We do, don’t we?” Even replied just as cheerily. Isak ducked his head to hide his blush, but he couldn’t help but smile. He’d smiled so much that his cheeks were aching, and he could feel the sunshine that had been glaring over him all day start to seep into his skin and spread through his bones.

  


*

  


Isak had stayed later at school to work Monday night, refusing his friends insistence that he joined them at the park, and shooing away Even when he offered to stay with him.

 

“Go skate with the guys, Magnus has been dying for another lesson from you. You’re much more patient than Jonas and Mahdi,” he said. Even eventually agreed, trailing out after Isak’s friends, but stopping in the doorway to blow Isak a kiss, which Isak rolled his eyes at, trying to shield his smile behind his textbook.

 

He’d been working for an hour, finally making sense of his latest essay and getting a decent chunk of it planned out, when his phone began to buzz incessantly. Isak groaned loudly and pulled his phone out of his pocket, scowling at it as he lit up the screen.

 

 **Magnus:**  
(17:03)  
Nurse Isak we need you.  
Your boy has fucked himself up.  
Tried to pull some sort of daredevil shit and didn’t make the jump.  
His face blocked his fall.

 

Isak swore under his breath and quickly shoved his things into his bag before he all but ran out of the doors and made the short journey to the park, cursing the whole way there. He didn’t know how badly Even had hurt himself - since they hadn’t asked Isak to meet them at the hospital, he assumed no bones were broken, but when it came to skating injuries his friends were always too proud to admit how hurt they actually were. They took their injuries as battle scars - the more dramatic, the better they were - and Isak knew that train of thought rang true with most of the boys who frequented the park.

When Isak arrived, he could see Even sat by the side of the bowl, hunched over, and Isak’s friends surrounding him, Jonas sat beside Even so that Even could lean against his shoulder, Mahdi sat the opposite side, and Magnus stood over them, still staring at his phone.

 

“What the fuck did you do?” Isak called as he approached, making the four boys look up to him. Jonas was frowning, but Mahdi, Magnus, and Even all had gleeful smiles, and Isak could see the blood smeared across Even’s face.

 

“This guy is _crazy!_ Totally insane - brilliant - but insane, _”_ Magnus exclaimed immediately, waving his hands in Even’s direction.

 

“He tried to jump off of the walls of the park and onto a ramp. It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen anyone try,” said Jonas, still frowning.

 

“But I almost made it!” Even said proudly. Blood was slowly dripping out of his nose and onto his shoes, and he had a large gash down the side of his face, running from his hairline to his cheekbone.

 

Isak crouched down in front of Even and scowled at him before he turned to his backpack, rummaging through it to find what he needed. He pulled out a little first aid kit, a bottle of water, and a box of painkillers, and Even stared at him incredulously.

 

“Jonas used to fall off and hurt himself almost every time we came here. I quickly learnt to come prepared,” explained Isak, opening the little box and getting what he needed, then grabbing Even’s jaw carefully and tilting his head to the side, examining the cut on his face.  


“Tilt your head back and pinch the bridge of your nose. What were you _thinking?_ ” he scolded.

 

Even did as he was told, but was still grinning as Isak poured some water onto a cloth to clean the dried blood off Even’s face so that he at least looked less like a car crash victim and more like himself.

 

“I figured if I could could get from the wall onto the ramp I would have enough speed to get from the ramp and into the bowl, and then I was going to see how many turns I could get in whilst I was in the air,” he said simply, as if it was the most logical explanation as to why he’d leap off of an eight foot wall.

 

“Yeah, but instead he didn’t get far enough and he ended up hitting his head off the edge of the ramp. We thought he’d knocked himself out,” said Mahdi, rolling his eyes.

 

“I’d definitely make it if I tried again,” insisted Even, he was still grinning, and his eyes were wide and glassy. He had grazes across his bare arms too, and a bruise already forming on the hinge of his jaw.

 

“You’ll never know, because you’re never trying to do that again, right?” Isak said sternly, handing Even the bottle of water and two pills once he’d cleaned his face up. Even just waggled his eyebrows, swallowing the pills obediently before going back to talking excitedly with Magnus about how much height he would have got if he’d managed the jump, whilst Isak got to work on cleaning the cut on his face.

 

Even seemed entirely unphased by the fact he very easily could have died if he’d have landed wrong. He was full of adrenaline - Isak could feel Even’s heart thudding erratically and his foot was tapping out a tuneless rhythm as he carried on talking at high speed about what his next attempts would be like. Isak and Jonas shared a look, Jonas still frowning as he handed another tissue to Even for his nose.

 

“We didn’t know he was going to do it,” said Jonas, grimacing as Even threw down a blood soaked tissue by his feet

 

“Yeah, one minute he was with Mags, and the next he was up on the wall. You could have at least made it worthwhile by asking us to record it,” Mahdi joked, nudging Even. Even didn’t respond, he just carried on telling Isak about how he’d been so close to flying.

 

“I was like a superhero, Isak. I felt like I was up with the stars. You’ll have to try it some time - it’s amazing,” Even said wistfully as Isak smoothed down a large plaster on his cut, running his fingers across the yellowing skin at the hinge of Even’s jaw.

 

“I prefer to keep my feet on the ground and my face intact, thanks,” Isak deadpanned, earning another burst of laughter from Even.

 

Something felt a little off; there was a tension rippling off of Even that made Isak’s hairs stand on end. His eyes had a shine to them that Isak hadn’t seen before, and his voice seemed a different pitch than usual - words rolling off his tongue at high speed. Something cold settled in Isak’s stomach, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on what seemed so _wrong,_ but he knew there had to be something.

 

Even reached forward and cradled Isak’s face carefully, mumbling a ‘thank you’ to him, his eyes softening back to that familiar look Isak knew so well. Isak shook off his thoughts of dread - Even was fine, he was just high from the adrenaline and the rush of the fall. Jonas always used to be fidgety and giggly after a particularly bad fall from his board, and Isak could never understand why they loved the buzz of danger so much.

  
Mahdi and Jonas offered to walk Even back to his home once they got him to his feet. His nose had stopped bleeding, and although he wobbled a little when he was upright, he looked in a much better state than he had when Isak had arrived. They all agreed that Even should go back to his parents instead of back to Isak’s, so Isak said his goodbyes to Even outside the gate before Isak headed off with Magnus, and Even went in the opposite direction with their other two friends. That block of ice was still settled firmly in Isak’s stomach, but when he heard Even’s laugh ring loudly down the street, he felt it thaw slightly as his mouth curled up into a smile. Isak was being stupid, and he could laugh at Even tomorrow when the adrenaline was out of his system and no doubt replaced with a splitting headache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The market that the boys go to is inspired by [this market](https://www.visitoslo.com/no/produkt/?TLp=178086), though I do apologise for any inaccuracies because I've never actually been there - I just used the power of google to find out about it, and then related it to my memories of visiting a ginormous market when I went to Amsterdam. I hope you all understand what's happening at the end, and I want to say that I don't have bipolar, and if you think anything I write from here on out is insensitive or wrong or anything like that - tell me so I can fix it. I'm following the sort of feel of Isak's POV when they were in the hotel and he knew something was wrong, but wasn't entirely sure what, and I hope that's translated okay. I plan to keep it pretty vague and 'off screen', so I don't get anything wrong, but seriously, if for any reason any of it makes you uncomfortable, tell me!  
> Here's my [tumblr](http://call-this-a-mask.tumblr.com/), if you'd like to see me ramble on a whole lot in my tags and get all overexcited about imminent new Skam content.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't forgotten about this story! I promise I'll finish it, I just might be a little bit slower with posting now that the new Skam content has taken over my life - sorry about that.  
> I'm kind of nervous about posting this chapter, to be honest. It's a whole lot of angst, and it's pretty heavy, and was super tough to write. Please remember that this is Isak's POV, and in this moment his knowledge is limited and his judgement is clouded by his feelings - I wanted to copy how I think he felt through episodes 7 & 8, and I hope this translates okay.  
> This wont stay sad for long, I swear. We're coming to the end now, and these boys deserve a happy ending in every universe. The next chapter and the ones beyond will be much more cheery, so don't fret.

 

To Even:   
(8:06)   
Good morning. How’s your head? I missed you last night  ♥   
  


To Even:   
(9:43)   
No one’s seen you at school today, are you okay?

 

To Even:   
(12:26)   
Could you answer your phone calls please? Or at least just text me to let me know you’re okay.

  
  


No one had heard or seen from Even all day; Isak even went as far as to stand and wait outside of each of his classes, waiting to see if he came out. He didn’t. Isak knew he was being stupid - Even was probably suffering from his accident yesterday and had decided to take the day off, it was strange that he hadn’t answered Isak’s texts or calls, but Isak was trying to tell himself that was because Even was just sleeping off his injuries. Still, no matter how much he tried to reason with himself, he was on edge all day, desperately checking his phone every few minutes, his mind whirring with different scenarios as to where Even was that spanned from highly unlikely to entirely absurd.

Isak followed his friends to the skate park that night, half because he needed to take his mind off things, and half because he was hoping he’d see Even there, rolling around on his board in a world of his own, greeting Isak with a wide grin when he saw him. Even wasn’t there, and Isak curled himself up on the bench and watched his friends sullenly for a while, before eventually giving in and heading home.

  
He couldn’t sleep again. He’d gotten so used to having Even’s body curled against his own that his bed felt too big and cold for him to feel comfortable. He’d text Even a few more times, but always received complete silence in return, and it was making his stomach twist and turn, and a headache throb dully at his temples. Isak grabbed hold of the pillow next to his head - Even quickly claimed it as his pillow on the first night he’d stayed, and Isak always made sure it was on Even’s side of the bed since then - and clutched it to his chest. He took a few deep breaths and shut his eyes, eventually falling into a restless sleep once his eyes were burning and the loud, buzzing thoughts in his mind settled down to a low hum.

 

*

 

The next morning came, and Isak was awake all too soon, before the light was barely even spilling through his curtains. His bones creaked and groaned in protest and his eyes stung as he hauled himself out of bed to check his phone. He knew, logically, he’d have no messages - he went to sleep in the early hours of the morning and had woken up before dawn had even broken - but still, he checked with a little flutter of hope in his chest. His phone screen was blank, and Isak’s heart dropped right back down into his stomach again. Since he was awake, and had no hope of sleeping any more than the few hours he’d managed to steal, Isak decided he deserved good coffee, not just the watery instant coffee he’d bought because it was cheap, so he pulled on some clothes and shuffled his way out of the door, hissing at the cold that hit him the moment he got outside. 

 

The coffee shop had only just opened when Isak got there; the sun was peeking over the skyline, and there was still an soft silence filling the streets, making Isak feel like he was the only person awake in the world at that moment, whilst everyone else slept soundly. The warmth of the shop enveloped Isak the moment he walked in, and he sighed gratefully, already pulling his hat off as he made his way over to the counter, greeting the barista who looked just as tired as Isak felt. He ordered himself a very large, very strong cup of coffee, and grabbed himself a handful of sugar packets, before settling himself down in a corner, cradling the mug between his hands.    
Isak stared out of the window absently, watching the streets slowly start to fill with more and more people. In turn, the coffee shop doors opened much more frequently, cold air whisking its way through the small room whenever someone new entered. Isak looked over to the table opposite him and remembered his and Even’s conversation sat in that spot, where they’d joked about coffee and shared shy smiles with each other as they talked. Isak remembered how weightless he’d felt, how joy seemed to spread through every inch of him whenever he was with Even. His heart sank when he realised Even almost definitely didn’t feel the same, if it was so easy for him to just drop Isak again - Isak was collapsing in on himself thinking about a boy who probably hadn’t even given him a second thought. The problem was that Even always seemed so sincere when he told Isak how much he cared; when he’d whisper promises into Isak’s skin, punctuated with sweet words and kisses, and every time Isak believed him, and would believe him a thousand times over, if it meant a few more minutes in Even’s company.

 

It was the first time he’d felt anything for anyone - Jonas didn’t count, he was his best friend and just a crush, but Even was a whole other world, another _universe_ , in fact. Isak didn’t realise how vulnerable it made you, how much it made you willing to open yourself up entirely to someone, even against your better judgement. Isak was completely exposed; he’d offered up his heart to Even, and Even had picked it up and made it soar, before dropping it and leaving Isak feeling raw and alone. 

 

A shadow suddenly towered over Isak, blocking the small amount of sunlight that had made it’s way over to him. Isak looked up, squinting, to see that someone was stood in front of him, shuffling from foot to food nervously. 

 

“Hi! I-uh. You’re Isak, right? Do you remember me?” Isak blanched when he recognised the girl stood in front of him - pretty, short hair, a tense smile. Sonja. 

 

Isak just nodded dumbly, his throat dry. He’d met Sonja once, and that was just before Even dumped her so that he and Isak could be together instead. He had no idea how much Even had explained to her, if he’d told her about him and Isak, or if Sonja just knew Isak as one of Even’s friends. He was almost certain Isak had never told Sonja his name in their brief meeting, so Even must have told her  _ at least  _ some part of the story. 

 

Sonja nodded in return, then gestured to the chair opposite Isak with the free hand that wasn’t clutching onto her coffee cup.   
  
“May I sit?”   
  
Isak nodded again, and Sonja pulled back the chair, them both wincing as it scraped loudly across the ground, echoing around the quiet coffee shop. Sonja settled down and began tapping her fingernails on her cup in a jolting rhythm as she looked around the shop - making sure to look anywhere but at Isak. Isak was feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second; his shoulders were hunched up to his ears and his stomach was doing backflips, and when Sonja opened her mouth to speak, Isak’s heart came to a stuttering stop.

 

To Isak’s surprise, when Sonja looked at him, her eyes were warm - almost sympathetic, Isak thought.

 

“How are you and Even doing?” she finally asked quietly. Isak balked, his face crumpling up into a frown.  _ What? _

 

Sonja noticed Isak’s confused expression and ducked her head, embarrassed. 

 

“I’m not here to get mad at you Isak, if that’s what you were thinking. I saw you sitting here when I came in and I just thought-” she paused and sighed, leaning forward in her seat.   
“Even told me enough about you for me to know that he thinks the world of you. It’s okay. Me and him weren’t doing so well, we were bound to separate sooner or later, and him meeting you made him come alive again, you know?”

 

Isak really _didn’t_ know. All Even had done was mess with his head, going from being so kind and caring, to completely ignoring Isak, acting as if he didn’t matter. Isak nodded anyway despite himself, because Sonja seemed to have a point she wanted to get to.

 

“Just because he’s not my boyfriend anymore doesn’t mean I don’t care about him, and he completely cut me off once we broke up. He wanted a clean break. So I just wanted to ask you how he is?” 

 

Isak coughed a little to clear his throat and think. He had no idea how Even was doing, because Even currently wasn’t speaking to him,  _ again _ . Sonja looked so hopeful though, watching Isak carefully, and the very small optimistic part of Isak’s mind was still trying to convince him that everything would be back to normal today, and Even would be at school and would drag Isak into the bathrooms to kiss him and apologise for disappearing.

 

“He’s fine,” Isak eventually settled on, and Sonja let out a small breath, her mouth curving up into a smile. 

 

“I’m glad,” she said softly, before her brow furrowed and her voice lowered.   
“Listen, I know Even might not like this, but if you ever need to talk, Isak, I’m here. Even can be difficult sometimes, and as awful as his illness is for him, I understand how exhausting it is for the people around him too. You’re just so young and he’s - it can be intense, and if you need someone when it gets bad, you can always call me.”

 

Sonja was pulling her phone out of her pocket, but Isak was frozen. What was Sonja talking about, an  _ illness? _ Was Even sick? And if he was, why hadn’t he told Isak? Was it serious?

 

“What are you talking about?” Isak managed to stammer.

 

Sonja looked up from her phone, and when she saw Isak’s expression, her face dropped.

 

“Oh god, he hasn’t told you has he?” she breathed, clapping her hand over her mouth, eyes wide.

 

“Told me  _ what? _ ” Isak asked, the desperation clear in his voice. 

 

Sonja buried her face into her hands and groaned, and Isak just watched her, muscles stiff and heart hammering. 

 

“This isn’t my story to tell you, you’ll have to talk to Even if you-” Sonja began, but Isak cut her off, the panic in his chest rising higher until it was searing his throat and singing his eyes. 

 

“I would, if he was fucking  _ talking to me, _ ” he hissed, and then dug his fingers into his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. 

“Please, will you just tell me what you mean. Is he seriously ill? Is it-” Isak took another breath and didn’t finish the sentence, he was overwhelmed with worry that shook him down to his core and made bile rise up in his throat.

 

Sonja’s face curled back into that sympathetic smile as she reached forward to rest her hand on top of Isak’s, which had curled into fists on the table, his nails digging into his palms.

 

“Even’s ill, yes, but not in the way you’re thinking. He’s bipolar, do you know what that means? It’s a mental illness, one that affects his moods,” she said it quietly, her expression laced with sadness as she stared at Isak and squeezed his hand. Isak felt his whole world crumble.

 

Sonja opened her mouth to speak again, but her phone started to trill loudly beside them, and both of them jumped. Sonja checked the screen and swore under her breath, tearing off a piece of her napkin and scribbling her number on it before pushing it over to Isak and holding her phone up to her ear.

 

“I’m  _ so _ sorry Isak, but I have to go. I mean it though, if you want to talk, I’m here. Okay?” before Isak could respond, Sonja was up and out of her seat, answering the call as she hurried out of the coffee shop and into the street, leaving Isak alone and reeling. 

 

Bipolar. Isak had heard of it before, something to do with extreme mood swings, but he didn’t know much about it. What he _did_ know about, was mental illness, and what it could do to a person - what it had done to his mother. It made his smart, kind, and soft mum turn into a ghost of herself, so angry and sad and bitter, and Isak wondered what it was doing to Even, how much of him it was rotting away.

 

Isak had been waiting all this time for the other shoe to drop, for his dream to end, because things had been far too good to be true. Now that it had finally come, Isak felt nothing but numbness; it took over his entire body and filled his ears with white noise that hummed and hissed through his head. 

 

Someone slammed their cup down on the table beside Isak, stirring him out of his frozen state. Suddenly all of the noise of the room rushed back to him, as if the world had frozen for a few minutes, and now all of the noise and movement was back and it was too loud, too much. Isak jumped up and out of his seat, stumbling out of the shop in a daze. 

 

Isak didn’t go to school, he couldn’t face it. He rushed himself home and immediately made a beeline for his room, ignoring whatever it was that Eskild had said to him as he disappeared into his bed, slamming the door behind him. His room was still mostly dark, since he hadn’t bothered to open the curtains that morning, but still he buried himself underneath his duvet, blocking out any hint of light as he curled himself into a ball and tried to breathe.

 

Living with his mum had ruined Isak, it had exhausted to him and embedded a sadness so deep inside of him that Isak was almost certain that it would never leave. His heart had broken every day that he looked at her and saw someone he didn’t recognise - her eyes empty and her face sunken. Isak couldn’t help her, couldn’t save her from something that was ruining her; she was a ticking time bomb, always counting down to the next explosion, where she’d damage herself and anyone else that was too close to her. Isak wondered how close Even was to detonating, how long Isak would have had with him before everything shattered. Even was always so calm and loving that Isak had no idea what was hiding just behind his eyes, and how long Even would have let things go on before things would start to rapidly go downhill like they had with Isak’s mum. 

 

Isak’s phone buzzed in his hand, and he rubbed furiously at his eyes to get rid of the tears blurring his vision so that he could see his messages.

 

**Jonas:**   
(9:40)   
Why are you not at school?    
Are you ditching with Even? You’re gonna fuck up your 10%

 

**To Jonas:**   
(9:41)   
I’m sick.

 

**Jonas:**   
(9:41)   
That’s a lie. I’ll bring your assignments home with me so you don’t miss them.

  
  


Isak dropped his phone and curled himself up again, wrapping his arms around his waist and shutting his eyes tightly. He couldn’t go through this again, he couldn’t watch someone he cared about deteriorate in front of him, combusting and having to rebuild themselves so often that they could never quite be the same. Isak wasn’t brave enough, he wasn’t strong enough - he could barely hold himself up, let alone someone else, and he’d proved that with his mother, running away when the pressure was just too much to bear. He was a coward and he was scared, and he was so very alone because of it. 

Isak stayed in his bed, trying to fight off the tears that clogged his throat as he thought of Even, with his bright smiles and shimmering eyes and feather light touches that made Isak shiver - he stored away each memory carefully, giving each one a place in his heart. He would give himself time to mourn, and then he would move on, stumbling through life as he always had - muted and alone.

That’s what Isak told himself anyway, but as he still caught himself smiling absently about each memory of Even that passed through him and set his nerves alight, he knew it would be almost impossible to forget someone who had left such an imprint on his life. Isak had thought he’d found himself with Even, finally found a safe place to be, but the universe was callous and unfair and entirely uncaring, and it had snatched that hope away from Isak almost as quickly as it had handed it to him. 

 

Isak eventually fell into a restless sleep with tears still yet to dry on his cheeks as he dreamt of sparkling smiles and electric touches and the brightest of laughs that he’d probably never hear again.

 

*

 

Isak spent the next couple of days in a daze, drifting in and out of sleep, never conscious for long enough to think properly, which is exactly how he liked it. He woke up sometimes to find steaming mugs of tea or bowls of food by his bedside, no doubt from Eskild, but Isak just turned away from them and buried his face into his pillow - he didn’t deserve anyone’s kindness. 

 

He got a few texts from his friends, demanding to know where he was, to which Isak sent them all the same limp excuse that he was ill. He was almost certain none of them believed him, but they all stopped texting after a while, getting the message that Isak wasn’t going to answer them. He got a few texts off Even too, which made Isak’s heart twinge painfully. They were just lyrics to a song that Isak didn’t recognise, but still, he held his phone to his chest every time he received one, closing his eyes and sending out a silent apology, before putting his phone out of reach so that he didn’t get the urge to reply. Isak felt like he’d been hollowed out, like his chest had caved in on itself; every bit of him hurt, and he couldn’t imagine this awful feeling ever passing. He was weak, he was _so_ weak and so stupid for falling so quickly for someone who could never care for him as much as he cared for them. He’d poured all of his heart and soul into taking care of his mother, and all it had done was drain him until there was barely any of him left, and still his mum had just carried on slipping through his fingers.

 

When he’d slept so much that it was impossible for him to sleep even a minute more, Isak pulled his laptop out from under his bed and hauled himself up, his body groaning in protest after so long of barely moving. He took the mug of the last drink Eskild had left at his side and took a sip, grimacing when he realised it had gone cold. Isak stared at his bright and too cheerful laptop screen, opening up a new search and typing in the word that had been spinning through his head ever since it’d come out of Sonja’s mouth:  _ Bipolar. _

 

There was a lot of different information that made Isak’s head throb, and the words mostly melded together into a meaningless muddle that Isak had to keep reading over and over again to try and make sense of. He had been right about the mood swings - episodes, they were called - that ranged from completely euphoric and erratic, to desperately low and devastatingly sad. Isak frowned at his screen, he’d never seen Even like that, never seen him act in any way that seemed wrong or not normal; Isak figured he must have been more clueless than he thought to never have even spotted it. Isak scrolled past an article and his heart stopped, and a sob escaped it’s way out of his mouth before he even had time to think about it. 

Isak had tried to pretend that what he was feeling wasn’t love - he and Even had only known each other for a little while, and every time the word popped up in Isak’s mind he would stamp it back down - but he couldn’t deny it. It was too overwhelming and all consuming to be anything  _ but _ love, and the day at the market, underneath the sunshine, Isak had finally started to accept it, even embrace it. But now he knew for sure that Even didn’t love him back, as he read the article theorising that manic episodes could make someone feel as though they were in love, but when they came back down, it was nothing but a momentary infatuation. He’d known it was far too good to be true, that it wasn’t right for Even to love someone as damaged and as cold as Isak was, but that didn’t mean it didn’t make Isak’s heart wither, or feel like his ribs were cracking with the sadness that weighed down on his chest.  
Isak slammed his laptop shut and buried his face in his hands, tugging at his hair. He felt hopeless and wrecked and so desperately tired, just like he had on the day he’d walked away from his mother for the last time. He’d barely just began to rebuild himself from that, and now everything had been knocked down once more. 

Isak didn’t know how long he’d been there, hunched over with his head in his hands, when Eskild came in and sat beside him, not saying a word, just resting his hand on Isak’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze. They sat in silence for what seemed like forever, Eskild rubbing circles into Isak’s shoulder as Isak tried desperately to grapple up the falling pieces of himself so that he could face the morning. It was an all too familiar feeling, and Isak wasn’t sure if he had the strength to battle it again.   
  
Isak’s phone began buzzing once more, and Eskild reached over to hand it to him, showing texts from each of his friends asking if he was okay and if they could help, whilst Eskild shuffled in closer, letting Isak rest his head on his shoulder whilst he hummed under his breath.   
At least Isak didn’t feel so alone this time, he thought, clutching tightly onto his phone and letting his eyes slip shut as he listened to Eskild’s quiet humming. Tomorrow was another day, and Isak was going to have to face it no matter what, just like he always did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The article I mentioned is just a theory some have, I don't believe it's true at all - Isak (for now) thinks it is, because he's a very sad, self depreciating soul in this moment. He'll learn though! If you'd like to read more about skam and bipolar, I'd suggest you read [these posts](https://monstermonstre.tumblr.com/tagged/skam-and-bipolar-my-thoughts)
> 
> Find me on [tumblr!](http://call-this-a-mask.tumblr.com/)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Isak was going to fix things, and he’d started at the best possible place."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I actually think that the chapter after this one may actually be the last chapter of this fic?? I was never sure how many chapters this would have, but the plot I had in my head is coming to an end, so this may well be the penultimate part. I hope you enjoy!!

  
Isak dragged himself to school the next day, mostly thanks to Eskild’s cheerleading and promise of good coffee and pancakes if he got up and went to school, and on the whole journey there, an awful, heavy sense of apprehension weighed down on him. He didn’t know what he’d do if he saw Even - he could barely think straight, let alone string words together to form a coherent sentence - so he knew for sure if he saw Even, his throat would clog up and he would be utterly tongue tied. Isak planned to just keep his head down and get through the day, and he breathed the biggest sigh of relief when he got to school to see all of his friends stood waiting for him, immediately rallying round him in the second they saw him get off the tram. They all talked cheerily, pointedly avoiding asking Isak any questions, even though they clearly really wanted to. Jonas kept shooting concerned glances Isak’s way, and walked so close to him that their shoulders bumped with every stride, and Isak was so grateful for it.  
Isak didn’t see Even, he rushed from class to class, avoiding everyone’s gazes; but just because Isak was avoiding Even, didn’t mean he wasn’t thinking of him. Even remained in Isak’s mind all day, sometimes he’d hear a voice that sounded like Even’s, or he’d spot one of Even’s friends wandering down the corridor, and his heart would squeeze. Him and Even had just been too intense to last, they had burned together, searing hot and surrounded by flames which had fizzled out far too quickly. Isak could still feel it though, the white hot heat that stayed imprinted on his skin, on every part of him that Even had touched, and Isak didn’t know how long that feeling would take to fade. Isak missed him so much, like he was missing a limb, and it was pathetic really, because he knew that Even would have barely given him a second thought. It has been a passing infatuation for Even, but no matter how hard he tried, Isak couldn’t convince himself to feel the same way.

As if on cue, Isak’s phone buzzed in his pocket as he sat waiting for his class to start. He had a few unread texts from his father, trying to arrange for them to meet up, but the latest messages made Isak’s stomach flip and flounder as he unlocked his phone with shaking hands.

 

**Even:**  
(10:38)  
Sonja told me that she spoke to you.  
She said that she told you about me.  
Isak I’m so sorry.  
I was just scared. I planned to tell you I swear.  
If you want to talk about it, anytime, anywhere, text me and I’ll be there.  
I’m sorry.

 

What was the point in talking about it? Isak thought, stuffing his phone into his pocket before rubbing his knuckles into his eyes, trying to push back the tears that were threatening to spill. They were over, it had all been a ridiculous dream Isak had, where he finally got a happy ending, or at least a happy _something_ ; but it was over now, and Isak just wanted it to all go away.

He wasn’t sure what Even was apologising for; Even had done nothing wrong, it was Isak’s fault for letting his mind run wild, for getting too invested, for letting his heart be free without thinking. He knew he should have been cautious, but he ignored his own warnings, and he only had himself to blame.

 

Isak was sat at a table with his friends whilst they all talked and joked loudly as they ate their lunch, and Isak picked at his food pathetically, staring down at his hands.

 

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on yet?” Jonas leaned in to mumble into Isak’s ear, and despite his quiet voice, Isak flinched.

 

“There’s nothing to tell,” he replied back curtly.

 

Isak wasn’t looking at Jonas, but he knew for a fact that Jonas would be rolling his eyes.

 

“I thought we said no more secrets,” Jonas insisted, a warning tone in his voice. They’d made a deal, after Isak told Jonas about Even that they’d tell each other everything again, that no more secrets would be kept between them. Isak was still struggling with the concept of opening up once more after so long of keeping everything bottled up and to himself.

 

Isak sighed, and as he did, he deflated in his seat, the tiredness of everything weighing down on him suddenly seeming to catch up to him all at once.

 

“Even, he’s - there’s something wrong with him,” Isak mumbled, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on his hands. It was almost identical to how Isak had told Jonas about his mother - _there’s something wrong with her,_ he’d said, _something we can’t fix._

 

“What do you mean?” the worry in Jonas’ voice told Isak that Jonas was remembering the same conversation that he was.

 

“He’s bipolar. He has these...mood swings, and it made him think that he liked me, but that was all bullshit, and-”

 

Isak was interrupted by a loud scoff on the other side of the table, and his head shot up to see Magnus staring at him, an incredulous look on his face.

 

“You googled it didn’t you? You should know it’s a terrible idea to google shit like that. Have you even _spoken_ to Even to ask him how he feels, instead of trusting some bullshit article?” Magnus had one eyebrow raised and was staring Isak down, some sauce from his food dribbling off of his chin. He looked almost angry, and Isak shrunk down a little under his stare.

 

“I haven’t seen him. He’s not talking to me,” Isak muttered.

 

“That’s probably because he’s having a tough time right now,” said Magnus, his face crumpled into a concerned frown.  
“Sometimes, when my mamma’s bad, she locks herself in her room for days. She can’t even face eating.”

 

All of the boys were staring at Magnus now, eyes wide, and Magnus looked to each of them all before shrugging nonchalantly.

 

“My mum’s bipolar too. Didn’t I tell you guys? I thought Even reminded me of her sometimes, but I didn’t want to assume.”

 

Isak just shook his head dumbly. Magnus’ mum was ill too? Did he spend sleepless nights taking care of her? Does he still see her as his mother? Or just a shell of the person she used to be? Magnus didn’t speak of his family too often, but when he did, his voice was always full of nothing but fondness.

 

“Isn’t it hard? To be around her, I mean?” _to love her?_ Isak didn’t say. He hated himself for sometimes thinking that he didn’t love his mother - she’d left him behind, she hurt him every day when she should have been there for him, should have cared for him, and Isak wasn’t sure that he _could_ love her anymore.

 

Magnus tilted his head and scrunched his face up.

 

“It’s hard sometimes, yeah. But she’s still my mum, and she’s awesome. Her being bipolar doesn’t define her, you know? Sometimes it’s hard, because when she’s manic, it’s like she’s in a whole other universe and none of us can reach her, and when she’s down, nothing matters to her and she’s just so sad. But every other day, she’s just...her. It’s not a big deal.”

 

Isak kind of gaped at Magnus for a few moments, whilst Magnus went straight back to shovelling his food into his mouth. Isak was overwhelmed with guilt for not being strong or forgiving like Magnus was. Granted, his mother wasn’t quite the same, but still, Isak was always so quick to push people away and assume the worst, and he hated how his first reaction to anything was to run and hide from it.

 

“Everyone’s different, and I don’t know Even or how his bipolar affects him. But I can tell you this much - what he feels for you isn’t bullshit. He cares about you a lot, Isak, him being bipolar doesn’t change that,” Magnus added, his mouth full of food.  
Around them, Jonas and Mahdi made little noises of agreement, and Isak gave Magnus the tiniest of smiles, which Magnus replied to with a face splitting grin, crumbs dropping onto the table.

 

“The best thing you can do is talk about it. He must be feeling pretty lonely right about now.”

 

Isak nodded and went back to staring at his hands whilst Mahdi clapped Magnus on the back and Jonas leant across the table to ruffle Magnus’ hair. Even had offered to talk, and no matter the outcome, Isak didn’t want to run anymore.

 

*

 

When Isak was small and he had a problem, he’d always go to his mum. Isak wasn’t good at talking about things, even as a child, but when something was lying heavy on his thoughts he would creep downstairs in the night to his mother and crawl up onto her lap, because she always made him feel at peace about it. She’d never ask questions, she’d just greet him with a soft smile and run her fingers through his hair as they curled up together, and Isak tried to make sense of the thoughts bouncing around his skull.

 

Which is why that night straight after school, Isak jumped on a bus that would take him to where his mother was staying, because even after all this time and after everything that happened, he still craved her comfort - now more than ever. He hadn’t seen her in far too long, the place she was staying was a weird combination between a hospital and a care home, and it made Isak’s skin prickle uncomfortably; it was all too white, too pristine, too _fake_ to feel homely. Usually, he’d be dragged there by his dad, and he’d have to suffer through a drive with awkward silences, stilted conversations, and tension filling the air, and every time he came back home he felt drained and exhausted and endlessly sad.

 

He checked in at the front desk and was told to follow a nurse who was far too cheery for her happiness to be genuine. When the nurse stopped at a door and motioned for Isak to go inside, his heart stopped. What if his mum didn’t recognise him? What if she hated him? What if today was a bad day? Isak took a deep breath and tried to calm his breathing. He had to do this, he couldn’t run anymore; his mum needed him, and he needed her right back.

 

Isak pushed the door open with shaking hands, and the moment his mother looked up, her face melted into the softest of smiles. Isak had missed that smile so much that he nearly burst into tears there and then.

 

“ _My boy_ ,” she breathed quietly, before hurrying over to Isak and enveloping him in a hug. Isak hugged her back just as tightly and let out a little laughing sob as his mum held him back at arm's length, brushing his hair out of his face gently.

 

Isak was overwhelmed with relief, and it hit him so hard that his knees almost gave out. Stood in that room in his mother’s arms was like reverting back to a child again, where just a hug and a familiar smile could solve all of his problems.

 

Isak was going to fix things, and he’d started at the best possible place.

 

*

 

Isak spent the whole bus ride home feeling completely drained, but also incredibly content. His mum was doing so much better - the nurses had told him that they’d found the right medication for her, and she had many more good days than bad now. After a long time of just talking and relearning things about each other, Isak had left with a smile on his face and a promise to be back very soon, and he fully intended to keep that promise.

 

Isak turned his phone around in his hands, he had his messages open, and he kept reading Even’s messages over and over again. It was selfish that he was so scared, but even though his mother was doing much better, he’d seen first hand the struggle that she’d gone through, and how even now, she would still sometimes lose her fight and have to battle through dark days once more. Isak thought of Even, and his blindingly bright smile and terrible jokes, and the time he’d stood over Isak on Isak’s bed one morning, singing terribly and laughing loudly. He thought of all the time he’d spent with Even, and how it had made Isak smile so much his cheeks hurt, and how being with Even made his heart flutter and his skin tingle. Even was like no one Isak had ever known, he’d completely changed Isak’s life - made him rethink everything he’d been so sure of. Even though Isak had spent many days miserable because of Even, the good days outweighed all of the bad, and Isak knew he would live through hundreds of bad days, just for a few good ones in Even’s company.

 

**To Even:**  
(21:01)  
Can we talk? I could meet you at the park in twenty minutes.

 

Maybe it would be too much, maybe Isak would feel closed in and lost and miserable around Even, like he had with his mum, but Isak was willing to deal with that. He’d never been so sure of anything in his life than he was of Even, and it was as terrifying as it was exhilarating.

 

**Even:**  
(21:01)  
Of course. I’ll be there.

 

Isak had a text off his mother that he’d received the moment he walked out of the doors and got onto the bus, thanking him for visiting, with a quote from something that Isak didn’t recognise. He’d sent her a heart in reply, but he opened her messages once more, quickly typing out text and squeezing his eyes shut as he sent it, his heart thudding in his chest. He was sick of hiding and lying and putting up a front, and if his mum hated him for being who he was, it would break his heart, but he didn’t want to be fake anymore.

 

**To Mamma:**  
(21:18)  
I think I’m in love with a boy, mamma.

 

Isak jumped off the bus at his stop, and he turned on his heel to start making his way to the park. The moon was bright tonight, and it made the frosty pavement look like it had been dusted with stars. Isak’s phone buzzed in his pocket just as he was about to cross the road and make his way to the familiar big iron gates he knew so well. His heart was in his throat and he was shaking a little when he saw a figure sat on the tall walls surrounding the park. Isak took a deep breath and opened up his phone, and he let out a choked sob when he read his mother’s reply, tears filling up his eyes straight away.

   
**Mamma:**  
(21:21)  
And I’m sure he loves you right back, darling. Who wouldn’t love someone as wonderful as you?

 

Isak clutched his phone to his chest and smiled up at the sky, his heart swelling and his whole body tingling with warmth. Despite himself, Isak was full of hope - he was building things back up one by one, and his next step was Even, because Isak didn’t want to live without him. It felt like the start of the rest of his life, in this moment, with his mum’s kind words echoing in his head and the moon shimmering down on him, and a boy that Isak loved waiting for him just on the other side of the road.

 

Isak strode over to the park, and as Even heard him coming, he jumped down off of the wall with a soft _‘oof'_. He watched Isak approach him with his shoulders hunched and his face wrinkled in a frown, features laced with apprehension. Even looked so small, Isak thought, as they stood and watched each other. There was just a foot of space between them, but it felt like miles. Isak never thought Even could be described as small, but there he was, hunched over on himself, drowning in too many layers of clothes, eyes watery and surrounded by dark circles; Isak’s heart squeezed painfully.

 

Isak closed the space between them and reached out, cautiously placing his hand on the side of Even’s face to cup his cheek, and Even immediately leant into it, his eyes fluttering shut with a sigh.

 

“I’m sorry,” said Even, his voice was quiet and raspy, like he hadn’t used it in a while.  
“I was scared to tell you, I was scared of losing you.”

 

Isak tutted and leant forward to press his and Even’s foreheads together. He stayed like that, watching, waiting, until Even opened his eyes.

 

“You haven’t lost me. I’ll always be here, for as long as you want me,” Isak mumbled, moving so that he could pull Even into a hug. He buried his face into Even’s neck, and he felt Even let out a shaky breath as his own arms coiled around Isak’s waist, squeezing tightly.

  
They stayed like that for a long while, holding each other close as Isak whispered quiet reassurances into Even’s ear, peppering the side of his face with kisses as Even’s fists bunched up in Isak’s coat and he let out tiny hiccuping sobs, keeping his eyes squeezed shut.  
They still had a lot to talk about, a lot of things to figure out and a lot of things to fix. Things weren’t perfect, but Isak was starting to work out that they didn’t have to be. He had Even with him, safe and warm and solid, and Isak was ready to fight for this, for as long as he needed to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me [on tumblr](http://call-this-a-mask.tumblr.com/) if you'd like!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was peaceful, even with all the commotion around him, with the sun gently warming his skin and the laughter of the people he cared about the most ringing in his ears. Isak felt completely calm, his muscles weren’t taut or knotted with tension, and his mind was quiet instead of buzzing with one too many thoughts - he was happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The very last chapter!! I've written and rewritten this countless times, because endings are stupidly hard, so I hope it doesn't disappoint.  
> The biggest thank you again to [Shannon](http://my0rdinarymadness.tumblr.com/), who spent her bus rides to work on a morning reading each chapter after I finished it at 3am, and for generally being a cheerleader and pushing me to write when I insisted I was giving up, as well as putting up with me sending her at least 3 different rambling headcanons a day.  
> And thank you to all of you too - everyone who has bothered to read this, leave kudos, or comment to me, letting me know what you thought - especially those who went out of their way to leave a lovely message on each chapter. I can't believe how many hits and kudos this has gotten! I was sure it would get nothing, so thank you all so very much.  
> Hope you enjoy <3

The first thing Isak and Even did when they got back to Isak’s, was sleep. There was a lot of baggage, a lot of questions and feelings hanging heavy in the air around them, but Isak hadn’t slept properly in days, and Even looked even more exhausted than Isak felt. They curled up together, Even turning around so that his back was pressed against Isak’s chest, and Isak pressed his face in between Even’s shoulder-blades and slung his arm over Even’s waist so that Even could tangle their fingers together. They laid their in silence, learning to breathe properly again now that they were back together with no more tension or secrets or confusion, and Isak kept his heavy eyelids open until he heard Even’s breathing slow and his hand in Isak’s go slack before letting himself drift off to sleep too. 

 

When Isak woke up, Even was already awake and watching him. They had moved apart in their sleep, and Even had shifted himself back so that there was a good distance between he and Isak; he was hugging himself, arms tightly crossed around his middle, and he was watching Isak warily.

 

“What time is it?” Isak managed to croak, his brain still slow and heavy with sleep.

 

“Early. Barely even morning,” Even mumbled back. He was staring just above Isak’s head, not quite looking at him.

 

“Is everything okay?” Isak asked carefully. 

 

Even’s eyes finally met Isak’s as he laughed, but it was bitter, and he didn’t smile.

 

“This is a bad idea,” he replied.

 

“What is?” questioned Isak, though his heart squeezing painfully told him that he already knew the answer.

 

“This, us. It won’t work.”

 

“Why do you think that?” Isak desperately tried to keep the wobble out of his voice, and he had to swallow down the lump in his throat as he watched Even’s face twist into a grimace.

 

Even sighed then, and seemed to crumple, curling in on himself and ducking his head.

 

“You don’t need someone like me in your life. I’ll just end up hurting you.”

 

Isak scowled, feeling a burn of anger rumble in the pit of stomach. He was angry that Even was so ready to throw this away for the sake of Isak, angry that Even thought so little of himself, that he saw himself laced in such darkness that he wouldn’t allow Isak to be with him.

 

“Shouldn’t I get to choose that for myself?” he challenged. Even pulled his shoulders up to his ears, keeping his head down. 

 

“You told me how much your mum hurt you, how sad you were with her. I don’t want to do that to you again, it’s not-” 

 

“-You and mamma are nothing alike,” Isak interrupted, and it was true. He’d been too young when he was left on his own with his mother, barely able to look after himself, but forced to take care of someone who either hardly recognised him or violently hated him most of the time. Isak wanted to support his mother, wanted to be with her - and he fully intended to now - but he was never equipped to be her carer, he just wanted to be her son. 

 

“How I feel about you hasn’t changed,” Isak said, more softly this time. He shuffled himself a little closer to Even, carefully watching for his reaction. Even didn’t shy away, but barely responded to Isak’s presence either, still staying rigid on his side of the bed.

 

Even’s eyes were suspiciously watery as he looked back up to Isak.

 

“It won’t be easy. Things can get...really bad,” Even spoke so quietly that Isak could barely hear him, and Isak dared to move even closer still, so that their foreheads were almost touching and their knees bumped together.

 

“I don’t want easy, I want  _ you. _ This. Us. The universe is huge, infinite, and we  _ still _ found each other. I think it’s only fair we give this a try, don’t you?” Isak kept his gaze steady as he reached out and put his hand on Even’s cheek, fingers splaying out so that he could rub Even’s lower lip with his thumb.

 

Even’s eyes fluttered shut and he let out a shaking sigh, his body relaxing ever so slightly. He looked completely wrecked, his face was pinched into a frown, with the deep circles under his eyes still so prominent, even in the darkness of Isak’s room. He looked so vulnerable, especially compared to the Even Isak has first met - so self assured and full of smiles and sunlight. This was still Even, he still had that glowing warmth to him that Isak had become so attuned to, but he was hurting and he was letting himself hurt, instead of hiding himself from Isak like he had before. Isak knew all too well how much easier it was to hide, rather than open up to someone so they could poke and prod at your emotions, but Even was slowly starting to let Isak in, and it gave Isak a sudden burst of confidence and made hope begin to flutter around his ribcage once more. 

 

“I haven’t felt anything quite like this, for anyone. Ever,” whispered Isak, echoing exactly what Even had said to him before. He still felt that down to his core - Isak had  _ never _ felt anything like this, and he was almost certain he never would again. 

 

Even’s mouth turned up into the tiniest smile, and Isak knew that he remembered that conversation too. 

 

“I think we owe it to each other to give this a try. It could last a week, or it could last forever. But I know that no matter how long it lasts, I’ll be grateful for every day.”

 

This time, Even was the one who moved forward. He moved himself so that he and Isak were as close as they could possibly be, and he nudged their noses together, his eyelashes brushing against Isak’s cheeks.

 

They stayed like that in silence for a while, until Even’s eyes opened and he unraveled his arms from around his waist so that he could reach up and trace Isak’s features, gently running his fingers across the lines of Isak's face. 

 

“Let’s just...start here, today, and see how we go. Ok?” said Isak. 

 

Even nodded, and Isak tilted his chin so that he could kiss Even, and Even leant into it, his fingers moving to knot into Isak’s hair. 

 

It was a step in the right direction, Isak could feel it in his bones - a sort of contented peacefulness washing over him. Everything just felt  _ right _ , despite all of the sadness and the heartbreak. Isak wanted this, and everything that came with it, and he would do whatever he needed to do to keep it for as long as he could. 

 

Even nodded again when he and Isak broke apart for air, and the dim but very much there spark in Even’s eyes told Isak that he was thinking the same thing.

 

*

 

Spring was finally defeating winter, and though the cold air still stubbornly hung around, bright colours were beginning to blossom, filling the empty skeletons of the trees and framing the world around Isak, bringing everything back to life. The days were lighter and the sun shone more often and Isak loved this particular change in season, because it felt as though everything was waking up again, shaking off the frost and thawing out so that the world could begin turning once more. Everyone seemed so much happier too - their shoulders no longer hunched against the bitter cold, instead the sun drenching their skin and warming their frowns into smiles. 

 

The temperature was still barely getting above double figures, but the skate park was like a sun trap, meaning as soon as it got even slightly warm, more and more people would congregate there, either to skate or to sprawl out around the small area to spectate. 

 

Isak was sat cross legged at the edge of the bowl, watching his friends and Even, who had captured almost everyone as an audience, competing with each other and laughing loudly. Isak lazily caught a few shots of them, with sweat glistening on their skin and their eyes scrunched up from the brightness of the sun. It was peaceful, even with all the commotion around him, with the sun gently warming his skin and the laughter of the people he cared about the most ringing in his ears. Isak felt completely calm; his muscles weren’t taut or knotted with tension, and his mind was quiet instead of buzzing with one too many thoughts - he was happy. 

 

Not every day had been happy; not even close. Isak still had a lot to battle through, a lot of broken things to fix, and Even sometimes had particularly bad days where he wanted the world to stop, wanted to push everyone away and curl up inside himself because he just couldn’t cope. Isak still wasn’t entirely sure of what to do, or if he even  _ could _ do anything to help, but he was learning, and most of the time he found that just staying put and waiting it out by Even’s side was the best thing to do. There was many a time spent with Isak lying beside Even in his bed, watching Even’s ragged breaths as he slept days away, lost somewhere that Isak couldn’t reach him, but Isak knew that Even would come back to him as soon as he could, and Isak stayed to remind them both of that fact. 

 

It was like Isak had come back to life again, like he’d woken up from a deep sleep - like spring was blooming inside of him too. He’d spent so long keeping his head down, keeping his voice quiet and his secrets firmly to himself, and now every day was full of vibrancy and energy and emotion. Some days it was overwhelming, almost a little too much to handle, but most days he was just so grateful to be able to  _ feel _ again. 

 

Isak was leant back on his elbows, his camera abandoned by his side when Even made his way over. Isak squinted up to Even as he bent down and kissed Isak’s forehead before dropping down beside Isak with a sigh. Isak immediately curled into Even’s side without even thinking, and Even wrapped his arm around Isak’s waist in response. There were plenty of people around the park, but Isak was starting to learn that almost all of them didn’t care about whatever Isak was doing, and being around Even made Isak so happy that it would be such a shame for him to deny himself that happiness any more than he already had. 

 

“Urgh. You’re all sweaty,” Isak complained, even though he shuffled even closer to Even, resting his head on his shoulder.

 

Even laughed, and Isak heard it rumble through his body.

 

“Jonas is putting me through my paces. Does he  _ ever _ get tired?”

 

Jonas had been attempting something new and stupidly difficult for the past hour, and Isak had already run out of plasters from patching up all of the new grazes he’d acquired.  

 

“He’ll be about ready to pass out, but he’s so stubborn - he wont give in until he manages it. We might have to stage an intervention if he doesn’t do it soon.” Isak leant back slightly so that he could look at Even, and Even smiled down at him, his eyes shimmering in the sun and his smile bright.

 

Isak’s fingers itched to take a photo, to capture this moment of the boy made of stardust and drenched in sunshine, smiling so brightly that it warmed Isak right down to his toes. But instead Isak leant forward to kiss Even, his fingers curling around his hip, marvelling at the way Even sighed and melted into him. He didn’t need to capture this moment, because this moment was his to keep forever, and he’d have so many more times like this to come, little moments full of brightness and starlight. 

 

They broke apart, but didn’t stray too far - Even kept his eyes on Isak, his hand curled around Isak’s jaw as he watched him with the fondest of smiles - the one full of awe, the one that was reserved for Isak only. It made Isak’s heart stutter every time, no matter how often he got to see it. 

 

“Today is a good day,” declared Isak, nodding to himself, and Even’s smile grew wider.

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

Even looked around them - to the people sat around, laughing and talking and enjoying themselves, to their friends, full of life and joking together, and then up to the sky, bright blue and glistening. 

 

“Today is a good day,” agreed Even, eyes falling back down to Isak.

 

And it was. It was a perfectly ordinary afternoon, in a familiar place that Isak came to almost every day without a second thought, with Even beside him and his best friends just in front of him, calling to him and demanding he took some more photos for them. But it was a good day because Isak had found his place in the universe, he’d found the space that he fit into just perfectly, where he could settle down and just  _ be _ , without even trying.  

 

Isak lifted his camera once again, right on time to get a shot of Jonas in mid air, just before he crashed face first into the floor. Everyone who was watching collectively winced, but Jonas sat up with a grin and a thumbs up, and Mahdi and Magnus laughed hysterically as they helped him back to his feet. 

 

“Your friends aren’t here today,” Isak noticed absently. Even’s friends would usually show up just after Isak and his friends got there, but Isak hadn’t seen them for a few days.

 

Even hummed.   
  
  
“That’s probably because they’re at the other park.”

 

Isak’s head snapped to Even with a frown.

 

“What other park?” Isak didn’t know of any other skate park around here, he was almost certain that this place was the only one. Jonas used to complain about it, how old and rickety and outdated it was, how everything seemed to be falling to bits.

 

“The one that was built a few years back, you’ve never heard of it? It’s about twenty minutes away by tram. It’s an impressive place - twice the size of this,” Even shrugged, and Isak gawped at him.

 

“How do  _ you _ know about it?”

 

“I used to skate there,” replied Even simply with another shrug.

 

Isak stared at Even incredulously, whilst Even seemed entirely unphased.

 

“If you used to skate there, why did you start coming  _ here?”  _

 

Even looked to Isak, face totally blank and unreadable.

 

“To spend time with you,” he said nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t just tilted the axis of Isak’s world.

 

“I-  _ what? _ ” sputtered Isak.   
_ “Seriously?” _

 

Even’s face split into a grin as he pressed a kiss to Isak’s forehead.

 

“Of course. This place is a dump, why else would I come here?” Even was watching Isak with eyes full of honesty, still grinning widely as Isak’s brain short circuited and his heart threatened to burst out of his chest.  
“I tagged along with the guys one day and I saw you, sat on the bench in the cold watching your friends with the most beautiful smile on your face and too many layers of clothes on - you looked ridiculous. I wanted to get to know you, so I kept the other park a secret from my friends and kept coming here.”

 

Isak just stared at Even, and Even smiled right back, his hand moving up to brush Isak’s hair out of his face. Sat under the sunshine with Even seemed worlds away from the first night they’d met, hunched up from the cold as Even talked animatedly about all his favourite things, and all Isak could do was listen and watch him, awestruck. He’d been so sure then that Even was unattainable, so sure of himself and far too good for him to even consider Isak in  _ any _ way. But now here Even was, telling him that he’d gone out of his way almost every day so that he could see Isak, because he’d wanted to talk to Isak just as much as Isak had wanted to talk to Even.

 

Isak still couldn’t think of what to say, how to let Even know how much it meant, so he just took Even’s hand off of his face so that he could lace their fingers together. He brought Even’s hand up and brushed his lips across Even’s knuckles gently, and Even’s smile and the way his eyes sparkled told Isak that he understood exactly what Isak was trying to say. 

 

“Should we tell your friends about the other park? Maybe they’d prefer to go to that one,” said Even eventually, drawing patterns into Isak’s hand.

 

“Of course not,” Isak scoffed.   
“This place was more like home to me and Jonas than our own houses were when we were kids, it’d be wrong to betray it.”

 

Isak and Jonas had used the park as their escape since they were small, it was the place that they could go to that felt like it belonged to only them. Despite all of its flaws, there was no other place like it. 

 

Even laughed softly, leaning forward so that he could rest his forehead against Isak’s temple, and Isak smiled in return, shutting his eyes. He loved this moment, as simple as it was, with his favourite people in his favourite place - he’d never admit that to anyone, but it was true, he loved the stupid old park he’d been dragged to every day. Tomorrow might not be good - it could be awful, but Isak had this moment to remember, along with all of the others he’d been so lucky to have. He and Even had made a deal to take each day as it came, because Even seemed to think that he had a countdown above his head, ticking down to the end of his and Isak’s streak of happiness, and Isak was always worrying about the future, even though he tried not to. So they tried their best to deal with each moment together, and though they were both still learning and struggled often, working on it with each other, their hands twined together to keep them both grounded, was much easier than doing it alone. 

 

Isak and his friends were last to leave the park as always, staying right up until the last piece of light dripped from the sky, and they all sat together for a while in a loose circle, bickering lightheartedly and making fun of each other. Even had his arm wrapped around Isak, and Isak had his head rested on Even’s shoulder as he listened and laughed along. Soon, they would all go home, and no doubt Even would wordlessly go with Isak to his flat and spend the night curled up beside him, talking softly until they both fell asleep.    
  


Isak had always wanted a big fairytale ending, where everything would turn out fine and the world would always be full of sunlight and happiness, but he didn’t want that anymore. He wanted to spend as many nights as he could in Even’s arms, and as many days as he could in his company; he wanted to savour every good day so that he could remember them for when times were bad. He wasn’t getting an ending, he was getting a start - the beginning of something new - and he was ready for wherever his story would take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on [tumblr](http://call-this-a-mask.tumblr.com/), if you'd like.


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